How to find a common language with people psychology. Educational program for a happy life. How to find common ground with people
You will need
- 1. Own way from isolation to an active life position
- 2. Positive type of thinking
- 3. Formed life guidelines
- 4. Meet people of different nationalities and religions
- 5. The ability to feel people from the first minutes of meeting you
Instructions
Ability to find mutual language with people who, as it seems at first glance, have nothing in common with us, one is given by nature, but one can use this important skill for life. After all, you must admit that even our best friends once seemed to us to be strangers to one degree or another.
To begin, adopt a mindset that makes it easier to connect with other people. Be willing to focus on others, be interested in their thoughts, needs, hopes, joys, sorrows, etc. In short, you need to step out of your world, be open and friendly.
Be prepared to take the lead. You shouldn't be afraid to meet people first. Don’t expect that some conditions will be created for this to happen, but be able to create them yourself. Notice how easy and relaxed the children are with each other.
Learn to see the good in every person. Don't look at his skin color social status etc. The real treasure in any person is the possession of feeling self-esteem and tall moral qualities.
Talk to the person about topics that can bring you together. Thus, people are often united by past experience or, conversely, a view of the future. In addition, you can always talk about sports, hometown, country, culture, customs, etc. People are also often united by work, hobbies, and mutual friends.
In any situation, remain confident, calm, and open. Rest assured that anyone will be happy to meet you. All people are different, but this difference can sometimes unite. Learn to feel other people, connect with them on an emotional level. This will also help you to be confident in any situation.
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note
Don't cross the line between friendliness and flattery. Remember that it is impossible to please everyone. In any situation, maintain your self-esteem.
Control your thoughts. This is the first thing to learn. This skill will allow you not only to easily find friends, but also to live easily and joyfully.
Sources:
- The article talks about how to win someone over, how to address another person, what topics to discuss, etc.
- how to find common ground with people
In the human world, relationships are sometimes very, very difficult. Constant communication with different people- pleasant and unpleasant for us - cause fatigue and stress. Getting along with everyone without exception, so that interaction with society does not lead to nervous tension or depression, is worth understanding for yourself as early as possible.
Instructions
Understand the reasons for people's behavior. In other words, you should not make certain conclusions about people based on how they behave in a particular situation. Maybe a person is rude because he grew up without parents and did not receive a proper upbringing, or he has a deep mental wound, or maybe he has problems. Don't take rudeness personally and don't respond to it with rudeness.
React calmly to people. To get along with people, there is no need to divide them into good and bad. We each have our own habits, our own manner of behavior. Goodwill is what attracts people to you. If, due to circumstances, you are forced to communicate with a person who is extremely unpleasant to you, regard this communication as a certain stage of life that you need to go through. You can even turn everything into a game for yourself. Think first of all about the results of this communication.
Watch your speech and your behavior. Often people's negative reactions are simply caused by your own behavior. Not worth bearing negative emotions and irritation with people. Watch how and what you say. Your speech must be motivated. Avoid swearing and raising your voice when speaking. From any conflict situation You can go out without shouting and... Instead of quarreling, you can come to an agreement. While talking, look the person in the eyes. this one good psychological technique when communicating with people, which attracts the interlocutor to you.
Know how to find good features. Good qualities character, as it is not surprising, is also found in people who are extremely unpleasant to you. If there are such people in your environment, and communication with them is inevitable, think about what is good about them. Look at these people with different eyes. Surely, the qualities that irritate you so much in these people also exist in you to some extent. Sometimes we ourselves create a negative image in our imagination, although, in fact, it is far from reality.
Sources:
- Lots of useful tips.
Why do some people have a lot of friends, while others have virtually none? Because not all relationships develop into friendships, but only those that are based on sincerity, mutual respect, and the ability to come to the rescue in difficult times. To have many friends, you need to be able to find common ground with people language.
Instructions
Be sincere. Falseness and pretense will not endear you to people. Don't try to appear better to your friends than you really are. With closer communication, everything that you are trying to hide and embellish will come out. Sincerity and naturalness attracts people.
Don't envy your friends. Envy is a black feeling that eats away a person from the inside. Very often, envy arises regardless of your will. Get rid of it. Envying someone is pointless, especially friends. Every person has ups and downs. If you think carefully, there are many beautiful and joyful moments in yours that you can envy.
Show sincere interest in your friend’s life, be interested in his problems, the health of his loved ones. This way the person will know that he is dear and interesting to you.
Show your new acquaintance that you value your friendship. Finding common ground will be easy if a potential friend sees that he is important to you.
Look for common interests with friends, spend more time in their company. Then the friendship will be strong, and the problem of communication will disappear by itself.
A sociable person has an easier time in life than an individual who has difficulty communicating. If you want to be able to connect with others, you should know a few tricks.
Be a good communicator
Make it pleasant to communicate with you. When talking, try not to deviate from the topic and state the essence first. Your habit of long-winded narratives can make others avoid you, and here there can be no talk of any effective communications.
Be open and as honest as possible. Don't lie or make false promises. Otherwise, your insincerity and unreliability will alienate others. Remember that a friendly person has a better chance of winning over others. Therefore, it is important to compliment others and smile more often.
Find an approach
To find the key to another person, it is important to have a sincere interest in him. To do this, find something good, outstanding, worthy of attention and admiration in your friend.
Know how to listen. Oddly enough, this quality is more useful to someone who wants to establish contact with someone than the talent of speaking beautifully. When speaking, maintain eye contact. But not too strong. Otherwise, the person may feel uncomfortable from your gaze. There is also no need to look away all the time, because this may offend the individual.
Use touch points to make the person like you. If you listened well, you could already determine what topic might become common to you. When you can’t immediately find a lead for a conversation, you can ask a few questions about the life of your interlocutor.
Be sensitive
Despite your communication skills, the person may not make contact. There is no need to blame yourself for this. After all, people are not robots. They are simply not inclined to communicate. In this case, it is important not to impose your communication. If you see that a person does not maintain a conversation and answers your questions reluctantly, leave him alone.
Perhaps your tact will earn respect from your new acquaintance, and your next meeting will be more effective. Understand that some individuals need more time to take a closer look at a person and make some kind of contact with him.
Mirroring
The success of communication at the non-verbal level, that is, through posture, facial expressions and gestures, also has great importance in the process of establishing contact. Learn to adapt to a person at the first stages of your acquaintance, and you will quickly find a common language with him.
Try to copy his pose a little, just don't do it too noticeably. You can turn in the same direction or position the toes of your shoes in the same way as your interlocutor. Try to match the pace of the individual's speech. If you speak as quickly or slowly as he does, the other person will feel comfortable communicating with you.
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How many families and children I have seen, it is rare where you can see a happy picture. Even in the most vaunted homes, where mom is a teacher and dad is a police officer, children are not models of behavior. And the reason for this is not that these kids are not like everyone else in terms of development. The fact is that the parents themselves did not deal with their complexes and fears, but they decided to raise their children. The children grow up, and here problems begin that mom and dad are simply no longer able to resolve.
Why I can't get along with people: intolerance
There is such a pompous, but very necessary word “tolerance”. This term is used in many sciences, but it means one thing. The behavior of a tolerant person consists of tolerance towards another person: towards his views, thoughts, life philosophy, behavior. (Read also).
If the parents did not explain this phenomenon to the child in childhood, then a gap arises in the psyche, as a result, when the child grows up, he simply cannot become a full-fledged citizen of society. He may have a good education, to be a highly qualified specialist, but it is not easy for him to build relationships with people. And this problem haunts him with early age. So it turns out that in kindergarten They take away his toys, the teachers argue, at school the whole class consists of idiots, and at work it turns out that the boss is a fool and his colleagues are crazy.
If all this is about you, then it’s time to fill the missing gap and understand that there are no absolutely identical people. We all, one way or another, have “our own” cockroaches in our heads. Therefore, asserting one’s own ideality while humiliating others is not the best behavior. But all this can be corrected, because hopeless situations in our case simply do not exist.
Why I can’t find a common language with people: the way they are
If you see only the bad in every person, then you will never find a common language with those around you. After all, there are few people who want to deal with an always dissatisfied arrogant person. Therefore, let's fill the gap that your parents once missed. (Read also).
- First, realize for yourself that there are no absolutely ideal people. Everyone has their own shortcomings. But this is not a reason to treat a person differently. After all, from birth we are endowed with equal rights.
- Do not be prejudiced towards people who are lower in status than you. This is true not only for teenagers; adults often behave worse than preschoolers. Understand that social status and the benefits associated with it are acquired. And if something is wrong in a person’s life, then it’s definitely not for you to judge him.
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The ability to communicate correctly with people is one of the key skills for a top manager. Most people who run successful companies speak well and know how to lead people.
I think it's something like natural selection. Charismatic leaders know how to find words that resonate with the audience, ignite people - their mood rises, they want to be better and follow them.
There are many good communicators among both men and women. Women tend to be better listeners, while men sound more confident. But regardless of gender, innate abilities and status, each person has his own strengths and weaknesses in communication. Missing competencies can be developed. In addition, they will be useful not only in business, but also in everyday life.
Listening skills
What makes up successful communication? In my opinion, the most important thing is the ability to listen. The key to the success of any customer service project is to understand the customer's original need. Your interlocutor does not always know exactly what he wants. Moreover, he can clearly articulate something completely different. And if you don't get to the bottom of it by asking the right questions, your brilliant solution may end up answering a need that isn't what the customer really cares about.
You need to listen and hear. I learned this lesson very well early in my career. A senior partner took me to my first meeting with the CEO of a large company. I was very nervous as I prepared to show our beautiful slides to a potential client and hear their opinion. But a colleague on the road flipped my script: now we are going not to talk, but to listen. This is more difficult when you are young - pauses during a meeting seem too uncomfortable, you want to fill information space, express some smart thoughts right away, make an impression. The ability to naturally create an opportunity for your interlocutor to speak freely comes with experience. I have noticed more than once that more self-confident people are ready to listen, to dialogue based on monologues.
Ability to structure a problem
You can move on to finding a solution only after it becomes clear to both of you what problem you are trying to solve. Many mothers, by the way, hone this skill in communicating with children - they need to find out what really bothers the child when he demands ice cream or something else. You can help a person understand what he really wants by correctly formulating questions.
An important point: when you, by carefully listening to your interlocutor, have found out his real task, you need to summarize the essence so that the interlocutor hears his thoughts in a structured form and passes it through himself. A good psychologist does not tell you what to do, but through leading questions helps you understand the problem and understand it. It’s the same in the client business - we don’t bring a ready-made solution, we have to develop it together with the company so that it can be implemented.
Ability to speak clearly
At one time there was a popular video on YouTube where, at a meeting, one of the employees suggests how to improve sales, but no one reacts to it. The same ideas, but more confidently, are voiced by another person - and everyone applauds. You need to be able to speak so that you are heard. The ability to express your thoughts clearly and clearly will ensure 50% of your success, allowing you to convince others.
Ability to remain calm
Do not hurry. If you speak quickly, you won't have time to say more. It's better to slow down - this will give you the opportunity to find the right words and look more confident. Often, by the way, young employees who are quickly advancing in their careers at some point run into the fact that they are not taken seriously. They think it’s because of age, but it’s more likely a matter of behavior. When you twitch, fuss, and feel insecure, it all gives the impression of inexperience.
Of course, it is important to find the key to your interlocutor so that he trusts you. But people are very different. No matter how professional you are, purely by temperament it will be easier to communicate with some clients, and not so much with others. You may not be cheerful in a meeting, but it is important to be attentive to your interlocutor.
Ability to establish contact
There are people who like to talk about life before talking about business. Others, on the contrary, will consider you a frivolous partner for lyrical digressions. Some people immediately need an answer from you, and then the whole line of reasoning, while others will consider this a manifestation of arrogance. It is important at the first meeting not to get into trouble by guessing what type your interlocutor is. There is only one piece of advice - try to study its ecosystem. Some conclusions can definitely be drawn by noticing how he behaves, what kind of office he has - laconic or filled with gizmos. Your job is to understand how this person prefers to communicate. And adapt to his style (the younger one adapts to the older one, not vice versa, but in the case of a service business, the client is always the older one). This does not mean at all that you have to agree with him on everything, but in any case it is important for you to understand the point of view of your interlocutor and try to convincingly convey yours to him.
If the interlocutor insists on his point of view and does not hear yours, asking why he still thinks so helps - you give the person the opportunity, in the process of searching for arguments, to realize that there are other options. Such dialogue can be very effective.
The ability to be sincere
I am a supporter of the theory that a person cannot be strong in everything and you should not go against your nature by trying to develop everything at once. It is very important to know your natural strengths, which can compensate for your inherent weaknesses. If a person is an introvert, he should not try to be a “lighter”. It may be worth choosing a different conversation format - for example, one on one. You need to determine what you naturally do best and build the foundation of your communication with the client on this.
Ability to end a meeting
Every meeting should have a sense of progress, moving forward. Then you realize that there is a reason to continue communicating. It is always necessary to give meeting participants a clear understanding of what has been achieved, what will happen next, when, and who will take responsibility. There must be a clear understanding not only of the space where we are now, but also of how this stage relates to the whole, where the horizon for the end of further discussion is. As soon as there is uncertainty about the progress of your collaborative process, a feeling of dissatisfaction sets in after the meeting.
Finally, a valid tip for the success of any negotiation is to leave your phone alone. Otherwise, the interlocutor will never feel that the conversation is important to you and that you are serious.
There's plenty around interesting people who are ready to share our joy, give advice, help professionally, or just talk about abstract topics. But what if you feel shy and talking to another person gives you panic attacks?
Stop worrying and listen to advice from books that will help you establish contact with others.
Don't be afraid to appear vulnerable
Most of us just think that we stand out too much. After all, every person is the center of his own universe. Because we are so focused on our behavior, it is difficult for us to accurately assess how close - or superficial - attention others are paying to us. in fact, there is often a discrepancy between how we see ourselves (and think others do too) and how others see us. Most will not notice your mistakes and mistakes. But what about those who see them?
Vulnerability is attractive. Missteps show that we are human and increase our attractiveness to others.
Scientists Elliot Aronson, Ben Willerman and Joanne Floyd decided to find out what others really think about those who make mistakes. They asked study participants to listen to a recording of a student talking about how well he did on a test. First he talks about his preparation, and then modestly adds that he completed 90% of the task.
But here's the catch: one group of subjects was given a recording in which a student could be heard at the end spilling a cup of coffee on himself and making a stain. The other one didn't hear any of this. The researchers asked both groups what impression the student made on them.
And guess what? In the recording where the student spilled coffee on himself, the subjects found him more attractive and received a higher grade.
Learn to joke
Not a single speech by leaders is complete without a joke. different countries, and there can be no more serious and responsible work.
The ability to joke helps reduce the tension of discussing any pressing issue. But you need to be able to present a joke like an exquisite dish from a chef. There is no need to rush, and under no circumstances should the speaker himself laugh at his own wit.
Look for threads
The thread theory is an incredibly simple way to start a conversation and will always give you a few ideas to keep the conversation going. The more common themes, that is, threads, you find, the longer your communication will last - and the more sympathy you will arouse.
People: mutual acquaintances are the best way to find similar interests. You can spice up the conversation by trying to find mutual friends.
Context: Think you have nothing in common? Remember what brought you to this meeting. Maybe you're both on LinkedIn or both attending a conference. To start a conversation, you just need to find out about the motives.
Interests: common interests are the best connecting threads: you can come up with a topic that you both understand, it will bring back many amazing stories and will be the key to a great mood.
An effective way to achieve mutual understanding with your interlocutor is to adapt to the pace of his speech. That is, if he speaks fast enough, you should try to speak at the same pace, unless, of course, this causes you too much inconvenience.
Matching the pace of speech is necessary not only for mutual understanding. Different people perceive and process information at different speeds. This is reflected in the speed of speech.
So if someone speaks relatively slowly or their rate of speech is noticeably slower than yours, it may mean that they need to think things through carefully.
Be an enthusiastic fan
People like to be labeled positively. They improve our self-image and gently push us to become better people.
from a few phrases that you can use.
- “Yes, you know everyone here - you must be a networking expert!”
“I am amazed at your dedication to this company - they are incredibly lucky to have you.”
- “You are so knowledgeable in this matter - I am so glad that you are among the guests today.”
Let your interlocutor charm you, let him impress you. Listen to how eloquently he describes his ideas. Find a way to enhance their effect. Share his delight.
Has an important role in human communication. Understanding the desires and goals of others, a person responds to a given situation in a timely manner. This helps you quickly adapt and make the right decision.
How to understand people
It has long been known that a person’s feelings and emotions can be recognized through facial expressions, movements and manner of speech.
First of all, a person pays attention to the face. It can be sad, cheerful, thoughtful. But to determine emotional condition It's quite difficult using it alone. After all, people are able to hide their emotions by controlling their facial expressions. It is enough to make a “stony” face and no one will guess about the real intentions.
Movements and postures can tell more about the person you are talking to. Each person has their own specific gait. It is easy to recognize emotional experiences from it. A person experiencing anger has a heavy gait. And people with long strides are filled with a sense of pride and importance. With anxiety, a person almost does not wave his arms while walking. Experiencing happiness and joy, your walk becomes easy. But it is not always possible to analyze emotions in the body. If the interlocutor is sitting, then his gait is unknown.
To understand another person, you need to imagine yourself in his place. Look at the state of affairs from his point of view. It's pretty simple. But in most cases, other people's problems rarely bother anyone. People don’t want to hear or see what they are trying to show and tell them. They are worried about personal problems. And in return they receive the indifference of others.
Sometimes it's hard to put yourself in someone else's shoes. And the desire to do this is not always present. Explain to yourself that this is not in vain, and as a result, all your efforts will pay off. If you learn to understand others, then they will listen and understand you.
How to find common ground with people
There are several ways to find common ground with other people:
- Before you start communicating, think over the text of the phrase. Speak calmly, without rushing. Don't say too much to avoid saying too much.
- Sometimes, having promised something, people forget to fulfill what they promised. And others, without waiting, stop them. Therefore, you must either keep your promises or promise nothing.
- Give people compliments, praise and thank them more often. This way you will gain the person's favor.
- There is no need to impose your communication. If someone doesn’t want to communicate with you, that means that’s what they want. It's his right. If they want to tell you something secret, listen to the person. This will help you get closer and gain the trust of your interlocutor. If you don’t want to listen to other people’s problems, explain this to the person in a gentle manner. You won't be able to please everyone, but they will respect you.
- A positive attitude attracts people. Share your joyful mood. Everyone has problems in life. Strive to take things easier and earn people’s sympathy.
- It is advisable not to argue if you are not sure that you are right. It’s better to agree than to end up arguing. Those who argue a lot are not particularly favored.
- Don't spread gossip or listen to it. Gossipers are almost universally disliked.
- Take criticism calmly. It does not always mean that they want to insult you. Perhaps they want to tell you what to pay attention to. This is a chance for further development.
- Don't be shy to ask others what is new to you. This means that you are ready to learn and improve.
- Be honest.
How to find a common language with a child
Children need love and care. Very often they lack this. Then they begin to be rude and stop obeying. All this is done just to make sure of your love. If you come up and hug your child, he will feel your calmness, calm down and begin to hear you. By accepting your child regardless of his behavior, you will help him understand that bad behavior is not necessary.
To find a common language with your child, try using these tips:
- Allow him to show emotions. Let him feel that he is understood. Try to compromise in different situations.
- As soon as he turns into a thorn, pet him. Hug, kiss, joke with him. He will receive additional attention from you and gain self-confidence.
- Don't scold your child. After all, an upset mother is already a punishment. Just don't pretend to be upset. This is already a deception and...
- Try to allow more. After all, sometimes parents prohibit something because they are too lazy to take time off from other things.
- Share affection. Children learn to show emotions by studying their effects on their parents. They are very sensitive to younger age, especially boys. Add more affection and love.
- Allow yourself to make mistakes. If your child shows a desire to help you, let him try. Explain to him how to do it right. When he succeeds, it will increase. He will be proud of himself. And a happy child means happy parents.