What to do if livhed. Instructions of a smart girl by solving the problem of deception from the guy. Observe the problem

A client asked me with such a question. Her new husband is often lying. Stupid and somehow for childish. Lights so that it is not difficult to surrender to lies. The client is so waved to throw him in the face: "Why are you lying to me then lied, but?"But she thought ... and decided to "ask a psychologist." Well, what decided.

Why did he lie to me! .. Haha .. Now I'm his dear!

Once you have taken the winning (from all sides) the position, the position of the "man who can shake someone in something" - you got up on a dangerous way, know it. You are not Swidrigailov. He is not a splitter. Fullness. Remove the crown. Rent a tabler weapon. Nobody gave you the right to swing to the nose in a living being.

It begins the unpleasant, shy and bright game in the cat-mouse, in the Cossacks-robbers, in the "Suspected Consequence". And the cat is you. And the unfortunate mouse - I salvant.

The one who caught in lies a loved one or a friend or a colleague is immediately inflated from pride (from pride, I would clarify). Plus, another bonus - he feels like a seemingly, but it is terrible - the psychologists of the state and do not know!

The same who lies and caught - feels at all drunk in the angle of the scum. And the author of this self-session is you.

But let's figure out first with the fact that pathological lgs come from

How to grow lgunashikh?

One of the neurotic species of adaptation to the requirements of society is a chronic lies about and without ...

Lygly man - as well as all neurotics with their neurotic ways to respond to difficulties - come from their childhood. Parents taught him to lie.

Initially, parents presented to him exorbitant and inadequate demands that the child physically could not fully accomplish. By virtue of their personal features, or by virtue of their small age or by virtue of the external factors of the social environment.

The parents did not want to listen to the peculiarities of the development of Chad, to his fears, to the true needs of their child. Just denied your child as it is. They did not want to see and did not want to notice, hear his genuine problems.

Moreover, it hurts and sufficiently punished for failure to comply with the requirements that the child could not fulfill. For example, deprived of their love and respect.

A dilemma was created:

I tell them that "I can not". They do not hear me.

I do as I can in this situation (in my own way) - I am painfully punished for it.

What to do in this case by the child? In this case, two outputs remain the child:

get sick (in order forever),

learn to lie, deceive (so as not to satisfy terrible scandals).

Usually lie formed to four years. To 11, they reach perfection in lies, and this ability accompanies them in life.

Adult lied: manifestation situation

Lies are a protective reaction to aggressive, someone else's society. Lie to you - this is a symptom that a lifting person you (like everyone else) - does not care who does not trust it because it does not consider you as such a non-hazardous person who:

• it will not be then insist on their wild requirements,

  i will not punish the truth.

A man lunating to you (and this is especially unpleasant, ridiculous and easily intelligible - the lie on the little things) does not trust you in the same way as he does not trust and all the society at all. He is taught simply - not to trust anyone. So it was made in inequate and plus - ultra-demanding and aggressive parents. Commemorate this. Lies are just a sign of neurotic.

Never catch a person in lies. Do not laugh, do not worry, do not be offended, and do not get enough. The habit of lying is the only one (maybe stupid) But, I repeat - the only weapon that neurotic is in hand. And he feels more or less - calmly.

Do not try to knock out from the hands of an incredulous to the world of intimidated man his only cardboard sword.

Prove first that you are not dangerous that you can trust. What you can say and truth. Do not prove you reverse! ..

How to re-educate a liar?

Of course it is unpleasant to live with a man who constantly deceives you, and in childish. But there is a way to re-educate such a person. This method is long and not everyone wants to behave as I now ask. (Well, it means, and the file you. So you will lie all your life!)

never get out of a lie who lied to you. Neither the eye on the eye either, especially, is publicly.

Know: a luge man (by the way) and himself - "in the know" that a lie is in no way approved by the society practice, and it chronically feels bad - bad. Self-esteem - low. Do not add to its self-wiring also their charges;

The habit of lying is a disease, neurosis. Do not laugh God for the sake of unhealthy in psychological plan. You will not become (sorry) to laugh at a man who has a tick century, because in childhood a drunk dad beat his belt?

And never feel yourself - "Above" of who lies you.

How lingating man checks you, going to rapprochement?

The luge man knows perfectly that you understood it and smiled. After all, on the thief, the hat burns ... But he really wants you to prevent the look, as if "did not notice his oversight."

i left you the cutlet, but I ate her hungry classmate Petka (and then you will yell what a fat egoist I am);

i called you, but you did not take the phone (and then you will yell that I forget),

i would go with you to a picnic, but the dad went down the wheel (and then you will yell that I could not rely on me),

i do not remember how much I bought these boots (and then you will yell - on what such funds I live),

Your "unsumble" such a lie - proves your location to intimidate, incredulously, with a secretive person, your intuitive understanding "How hard it had to be in life", your good generosity, your clock and most importantly - your willingness to take a person what he is .

Over time, having ceased to sit like a cat in mice mouse, you will hear the recognition from the mouth of your "former liar", which will drown a gullible face and say -

"And you know, I then deliberately selected, and in fact - it was like. The cutlet was devoured, I ".

If you hear such a confession - arrange a holiday, you both defeated evil in this world! On his tiny Delianka - but it stands dear.

Even the liar knows that it is easy and pleasant to speak only one - the truth. True, if there is someone who says it - the truth ... If for the truth you will not be thrown with a frying pan.

Even the liar dream of "talking to souls" and someday are going to stop lying. Well, at least - one closest person on earth. And there, if it turns out, then others. Give them such a chance. Over time, seeing that the world is mainly safe, the liar will stop lying at all!

As a conclusion

There is such an English saying, she loved to repeat Hermione in Saga Joan Rowling: "The less you will be stuck, you will hear less lies."

After all, in the hands of other "attractors" - each of us (even the most perfect!) Can turn into a liar to ensure ...

Do you want you to do not lie? Then ... You have to prove that you are not a radish, that is, you are not a "bad person." To do this, we suggest you complete one simple exercise for psychological maps .

The first part of the exercise: Prove that you are not dangerous. What you can trust

As you already know, the liar is afraid that for the truth you will yell on him, beat it, to condesceve it and "treat", to humiliate verbally and in any way, Rassat him, take advantage of its weakness in his mercenary and even criminal purposes, and That will simply tell everyone girlfriends with laughter, what is he a funny freak.

Not. Do you want you to do not lie? Then ... You have to prove that you are not a radish, that is, you are not a "bad person."

This builds any friendship and especially the relationship. At establishing the basic ability to trust another person - to trust the present, your secrets.

First position: his mystery

My incorrect reaction, if I find out about it.

My correct reaction if I find out about it.

Now, having all three cards, try them to analyze them and something to guess!

If you choose the right reaction, the person will relax, will begin to trust and lie you will be less, and there will be no need - there is no need.

If you choose the wrong reaction, this person will always lie to you and lie about everything.

Second part of the exercise: "Immediate" lies

Now, once again, you clearly see that your liar lied that he brazenly lying, twisted, says in a mistake, ducklings, hides. So you want to get up to all the growth and ... angrily, contemptuously read this nothing! As an emergency pioneer meeting after lessons. Stop building out the "iron button" and count the liar pulse to catch it in deception. You are not at all "above" of this person, and no one has given you the right to judge, none more to torment the other for its weakness, passion, vices and disadvantages.

However, if you do not behave like a "iron button", how else is there? ..

In a hot situation (on request), a brief advice will help you from the deck of "1000 lives".

Pull out one spontaneous card and react to the liar as the character would respond to this card. Remember that your task is to deduct from the card all the best, capable of repaying the conflict, and not the opposite.

Let your surroundings be surprised what kind of wise, weathered and generous man!

All the possibilities of psychological maps and on how to work with them can be found in ourofficial online store .

Elena Nazarenko

August 16, 2015

In the world, there is hardly a person who did not deceive. Remember yourself or friends who, after late to school, came up with a thousand reasons and excuses. Or your parents you say you walk with friends, and in fact it was a guy. Yes, they really lied everything. But how to treat the fact that close person Did you deceive you? It is for this question that we will give the answer.

In fact, it all depends on the situation. There are situations such when a guy is hard to judge for a lie. Suppose he went to the store to choose a gift you, and you call. In the end, so that the surprise remains a surprise, he has to lie. A pregnant wife often asks her husband, whether she is beautiful. And a loving husband, despite all the sizes that spoil the figure beloved, says that there is no change and it is pretty beautiful. But all this deception. However, for some reason, we perceive it well. What is the secret? For starters, let's understand what the word "lie" mean?

Lie - this statement is not suitable for the truth and expressed in this form consciously.

That is, if a person is deceiving and not aware of his guilt, it turns out that he does not lie.

Yes, I agree that men lie more women. And they lie very badly. But in his male nature, the guy may resort to this. For example, in Buddhism there are 3 holy lies, which can be used by their religion:

1. To preserve the family

2. To preserve friendship

3. To save the world

And in principle, it does not agree hard. We even have such a thing - a lie for the benefit. But still it is better not to reach lies. Because it is fog and the more the person is lying, the more he immerses him. And over time, he himself no longer knows where the truth, but where not.

And so now realizing what a lie is and that it all depends on the situation, we will move on to solving our problem. The reason that a man is lying, there is always a fear of answering your act and incur punishment. Really the guy is often afraid to participate in the next scandal, therefore is solved on deception. Most likely, some negative qualities that do not like you in it, he cannot overcome himself and tries to grind them. This leads to the insincerity and closedness of a person. Therefore, if you can't put up with a lie, you need to fight her.

Consider the instructions for wise girls about what to do if the guy deceived:

1. Analyze what lies are and what it can be caused. If, for example, the guy smokes, but told you that he did not smoke. Then most likely he can not overcome dependencies and tries not to upset you. Also, for example, you are waiting for a guy at home, and he said that he was late from work. And in fact he met with a friend. That lies are caused by the fact that the guy is afraid to admit to you in this, since you will scold him. And here the reason is excessive freedom of action on his part or on your part of the deprivation of his time to communicate with the other.

2. Take the decision for yourself. You must understand what an outcome for you would be acceptable. But do not forget that in the relationship the main skill to find compromises. That is, the solution should arrange two. For example, he paid time to a friend, but you do not. Then it is worth suggesting a loved one to meet all three and spend the time to spend together. Or reconsider your relationship and give your chosen one free time. Those you are also getting free timewhich you can spend on your hobbies.

3. Frank conversation. Since the solutions for ourselves have taken, you can start the conversation itself. In this conversation, I am confident and decisively declare your beloved that you recorded a lie on his part. Explain what the lies itself are. Try in the process of talking your words to confirm the facts in order for the guy would not have the opportunity to manipulate and leave the answer. And so calm and confident you have proven about the existence of lies on his part.

4. Fly spoils relationships. Now explain to your chosen one that the lie does not lead anything good. After a little deception, a greater deception appears. And over time, you generally cease to understand each other and be sincere. And since you do not want to allow you together, then offer him to apologize for his act, if he still did not. And then let him suggest a solution to the problem.

5. Compromise and a decent solution. Most likely the guy will begin to promise that it is no longer repeated. Then offer him your decision that will satisfy both. Those in his eyes you are lift your self-esteem, and in the future he hardly wants to lie. After all, it is better to solve everything lovely with you. IN rare cases He will offer a decision that does not satisfy you. Then you need to remind about his lies and say that he is not entitled to demand so much. Then offer your compromise.

This instruction will help you raise your authority in the eyes of a man. You are also beautiful and confident and do our best to prevent it in the future. The main thing is to try never to scandal about this. Since the welding will not lead to the solution of your problem, and most likely the opposite will give you away from each other.

Most people had to speak in a manner at one or another moment of their lives. Basically, this lie is small and insignificant, but sometimes it happens and large, which entails serious consequences. It may not be easy to get out of such a situation, and it does not matter whether it was a small lie, which came out from under control, or the floor lies, which simply did not touch you. To admit and try to become more honest - this is a praise impulse, but be prepared for the fact that the path to self-improvement may be difficult.

Steps

Observe the problem

Think why you selected. Highlight some time to think about your actions and identify hidden motifs. This does not mean that you need to try to find an excuse to your behavior - rather, you need to try to more fully realize what happened and why. Such self-analysis will help you avoid such behavior in the future, and the person you confess will be easier to understand you.

• If you regularly go to the reception to a psychologist, ask him to help you penetrate deep into the problem. If you do not work with a psychologist, try to write about your lies in the diary or make exercises for self-analysis, and then check if it will bring you to any insight.

1. Determine who should listen to your recognition. You should tell the truth to everyone who you may have rummaged during your lies, as well as everyone who you selected.

   • In some cases, everything is clearly and clear. For example, if you were selected when taking a job, report this employee of the personnel department, which conducted an interview. However, sometimes the problem is not so simple: perhaps people who did not rotate directly, but at the same time they touched upon their deception or intensified into it. For example, if you were jubilized on the exam, you should tell you not only to your teacher about it, but also to parents who should be aware of your behavior.
   • If you have to reveal a lie to several parties, admit each separately, instead of collecting everyone together. So you will be easier to behave directly and openly. In addition, it will show people who you confess that you respect them and appreciate enough to personally talk to them.

2. Assign the time and date of your conversation. Despite the fact that the improvised conversation may be productive, as a rule, it is better to take a special time for a conversation. Thanks to this, you will be able to make thoughts in advance and avoid distracting factors, such as conversations of other people or work obligations.

   Choose neutral territory. If you sit at one of you in the living room, there may be a feeling that the owner has an advantage over the interlocutor, so carefully consider the place before appointing a meeting.

   • There may be public places, such as a coffee shop or shop in the park. However, make sure that it is not too crowded there, otherwise you will be distracted or you will be inconvenient to discuss personal affairs in the presence of strangers.

3. Support visual contact. A look in the eyes means sincerity, and he can play a big role in how a person will take your apologies.

   • Remember: Despite the fact that you were wrong, saying a lie, still realize and recognize your act is a noble thing. Allow yourself to be proud of your decision and recognize that it requires courage.

4. Stand your lies. As short and clearly designate what you are selected. If the interlocutor is ready to listen, explain the reason or accompanying factors of deception, however, make sure that it does not sound as if you are trying to find an excuse for your act.

   • Use the "I" -digar, when talking about your lies. Thanks to this, you will not go to charges and will not begin to make a guilt on others.

5. Tell the whole truth. Studies have shown that partial recognition of deception or other misconduct significantly reduces positive effect From this recognition (as for someone who rolls and in order to whom). Therefore, even if the first time the conversation is awkward, try to miss anything or not mitigate the consequences of your recognition in other ways.

   Apologize. Once you explain your misconduct, complete the recognition of the sincere expression of regret. Show what you understand how painful and serious was a mistake, and that you thought about how she influenced people around you. Although you can't be sure that you will be forgiven, it is still important to show your repentance.

   Keep calm. Despite the fact that the topic may be a patient for both of both, try to maintain the tone of the conversation smooth and restrained. The transition to emotions can undermine your ability to be explained, so, in the name of your promise, try to keep yourself in your hands and calmly continue the conversation.

   • If you are worried that you will go on emotions or excit, and, as a result, let's take a thought, take a "crib" with you. It can be a card for records or a piece of paper, where the items you want to be touched briefly set out.
   • Do not eat alcohol or coffee before or during confession, as it can add emotions or voltages. It is better to drink green or chamomile tea with natural soothing properties.

6. Listen. Let the interlocutor tell you what feelings did your recognition caused and how he wants to continue your relationship. You said your word, and now he has the right to give an answer (brief or unfolded).

   Be honest in the future. After cheating, lay your guilt and behave honestly to show that you can be reliable and trustworthy man. The deceived side is not obliged to forgive you or forget about it, but you can still improve your moral and moral qualities and habits.

   Make a break. We have all impulsively sent emails or SMS in the rustling of emotions, and in most cases it did not end with nothing good. Most often we regret hasty messages. Even if the intentions remain the same, ultimately, the time or used language seems to be less relevant to us. Thus, remove the lesson from your past and postpone the letter aside for the night.

   • If you write an email, save it as a draft, but until you enter the name of the addressee. This ensures that you will not send an email email before it is ready.
   • If you send a regular letter, do not hurry to buy an envelope and do it the next day. So, even if you have a desire to immediately send a letter, you will not be able to do this without the necessary postal expenses.

7. Re-read and edit the letter. Take time the next morning or in the afternoon to re-read your letter. So you can fix any unnoticed typos or awkward phrases. And, more importantly, a fresh look will allow you to make adjustments to larger shortcomings, for example, to remove excuse or sentimental, flattering banalities.

Child age: 14 years

What if you lied my parents?

Hello, my name is Danil, I am 14 years old. I recently drove almost a week due to the fact that my belly was sick. Today I have already come to school for the second day, but something broke me, and I decided to say that my stomach hurts. First, the school doctors have let my parents let me down, but then Mom learned that I walked, and did not really get sick. She said that evening would be a serious conversation. I am very afraid! And also, Dad said that I was lying to the hospital tomorrow, so that I was all treated there, but in fact I do not care. Please tell me what to do?

Daniel Gerasimov

Hello, Danil.

Surely you know that every action has certain consequences. But sometimes these consequences are not immediately, but after some time. For example, you have a string of school, because you lied to parents about the disease. On the one hand, it was nice - to skip the lessons and rest, perhaps to deal with something interesting. It was a good consequence for you, but it lasted only a few hours (and maybe less). And in the evening you expected a unpleasant conversation with my parents, their disapproval, maybe the punishment, the rest of the day before you were tormented by the feelings of guilt, shame and fear of what parents will do. Most likely, the negative consequences of your act are applied and further, as the confidence of parents is undermined, and in the future they will begin to control you anymore. What is the result of this act for you more - positive or negative?

If you had behaved differently, that is, did not lie and would go to the lessons, you would wait for an ordinary day, perhaps not very exciting. But after the lessons, you would also have a free time that you can spend on something interesting, and at the same time no punishments, serious conversations and negative emotions subsequently. And parental trust will remain at the same level.

Thus, it turns out that the result you get immediately after the perfect action is not always true. And the true, the present result we see only with time. Therefore, before accepting some decision, we are trying to predict his consequences in the future. This is important for our own success.

But every person can make mistakes during his life. Sometimes there is a desire to do something, and you can't predict the consequences of this action. Or they seem insignificant to you, and in practice are very unpleasant. And this is normal, so we learn. However, it is important to extract useful lessons from these errors to correct them and not repeat in the future. I think, deceiving one day, you felt the effect of this deception. And now you decide, repeat this mistake or fix it, to incur fair punishment and apologize, restoring parental confidence.

If at some point you feel that you doubt your choice, and you will need help a psychologist, you can call 8-800-2000-122 at any time. The call to it is anonymous and free from any phone.

Anastasia sluggish
Family psychologist

i got smashed, and what's very serious ... I don't know now how to return everything to my places ... But I know exactly now the truth will not believe, but to lie further fraught with what I have to live is not your life, probably the only way out escape .. . Maybe someone was in such a situation ...

no .. So it is impossible to live ..)) Everyone is lying, "not everyone confess," Surprise, tell me the whole truth, let them curse, .. but you will go to nonsense with proudly raised nose ..

the past is not to return. But the attitude towards the past is. First of all, you are you. And the first step is made. The second - you should not look at the opinion of others. It will depend on it. But you can form it. Respect for yourself and to your actions. And things are only affairs and time ..

To tell the truth .. it can be difficult ... But it is important, and you need .. because to get forgiveness, it needs to be asked .... and escape ... escape - do not work ... you don't kill yourself .. . Alas ...

when on the weights of the truth or live is not your life. Choose the first.
Many films are removed, the truth will still open sooner or later. So it's better early until everything covered even more than a big lie.
Just think as it is more painlessly present. It will only be customary than you can imagine it.
Escape ??? From the situation you can fill, and there is no. Lies will always pursue you until you learn to tell the truth.
Be honest in front of yourself and others, and perhaps you will gain confidence.

now just prove the truth, if you doubt, style patience .. You yourself have already understood that a lie gives grain to serious problems. It is sometimes somehow embarrassed a little, than to lie to seem another, better .... If you need to run away - run-down, start first ... But this is in extreme cases, if you can stay, then cling all you can for this opportunity

"Felt" is an irrational solution to the problem ... Let's say this is the care of the situation, but not its permission, with this situation, the situation will certainly repeat or will "pursue" you ... Learn to solve problems rationally, the more truth in the eye You have already learned to look, you have recognized your wrongness in front of yourself, here and admit it before others ... it is difficult, it will be ashamed, but this is a useful experience and certainly impetus to growth ... Moreover, your lies still will pop up ", so save the feeling own dignity... everything is mistaken, but the main thing is to realize and draw conclusions not the future ...

People who lie - "to themselves on their minds," and sooner or later it is revealed and decent people tear with them a relationship, as with the rims of society. Do not lie - this is the best way to become your own among people, fit into their circle. If you are lying, no one will seriously perceive you and does not let into the soul.

Tell all the truth, apologize, and continue to live your life, but to believe you or not - the case of everyone. The main thing is that you are honest yourself. All make mistakes, mistakes - this is not a sign of weakness, strong people They differ from weak what they know how to admit them, take responsibility for them, and live on.

Was not

From your text, alas, it is not clear how to help you. You do not describe the situation as it is, but only your estimates and speculation. There is only one lie - a lie to yourself. When it is not, you rarely do people, and if you have, then you do not have any complex.

You see the question that asked the universe of someone from the users of the site, and the answers to it.

Answer or very similar people, or full of your opposites.
Our project was conceived as a way of psychological development and growth where you can ask for advice from "similar" and learn from "very different" what you still do not know or have not tried.

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