What to do if you're scared to go to school. Fear of going to school. Conflicts, bad experiences. Where can you sign up for a consultation with a psychologist?

In the overwhelming majority of cases, a child’s reluctance to go to school is not laziness, but a fear of being left without parental support. The child is afraid to be in an unfamiliar place with strangers, he is afraid of getting lost. Most often, this fear arises in children who were raised at home before school and did not adapt to the children's team. So what to do if your child is afraid to go to school? How can I help him learn to regulate his behavior in order to become part of the team?

What to do if your child is afraid to go to school

Firstly, reluctance to go to school is absolutely normal, so parents don’t need to worry too much. The first school year is the most difficult for students, because their usual life changes dramatically. Play is replaced by study and work, new relationships are formed - all this can cause stress, due to which the child is afraid to go to school, and you need to have patience to help your baby survive this stress as quickly and easily as possible.

In addition to the fact that the child is frightened by the school load, not only physical, but also psycho-emotional, he is afraid of the responsibility that has now fallen on him. He cannot stop learning, just like yesterday he could stop playing a game that was boring. He is subject to demands that he must fulfill, he is required to comply with the school regime, and he cannot choose which lessons to attend and which not.

Another reason for fear of school is new team. Both teachers and classmates are people whom the first grader does not know. He is afraid that adults will scold him, and children will not accept him into the team. Even adults are nervous before their first day of work, let alone children...

Of course, in most cases, after a while, the tension subsides and the fear disappears. But not always and not for everyone. Therefore, let's look at an algorithm of actions that will help your baby make it easier to get used to the new status. And the first thing you should do is explain that his fear is common. Tell us how you were afraid to go to school, and how funny these fears and worries seemed to you later.

Explain to him that teachers are people who will teach him what he would never learn on his own, and classmates are new friends with whom it will be very interesting. For faster adaptation, invite him to treat his classmates with candy or cookies that you bake yourself. Give him a game that he can play with new friends during recess, and it may well be that your child will win the favor of his classmates.

If your child has already been accustomed to some kind of routine, it will be easier for him to get used to the school regime, and although he has more responsibility, try to present it to him as if his personal importance has increased along with the responsibility. Treat him as an individual, teach him to be proud of his successes, and he will truly become successful.

Do not forbid your child to take toys with him to school: sometimes just one glance at an object from his usual environment will help him calm down. If he had any hobbies before school, try to develop them at school. Enroll your child in a school club, this will establish useful pastime and relationships with other children with common interests.

Don't ignore his problems, listen to him carefully, don't make fun of him. Talk to him as an equal. He should always be sure that he will not be left without your support. But don't practice intrusive control: it destroys trust and harms relationships. Encourage new acquaintances and always welcome his friends to your home. Rating 5.00 (5 votes)

Under pressure

Who doesn’t know the nagging feeling: the teacher moves around the class, comes up to your desk and... stops! The soul sinks into your heels, your hands become cold, time stands still. And the point is not that from time immemorial the educational process has been organized in such a way that the teacher can do anything: demand, evaluate, scold, call parents, while the student can do nothing except study well. The trouble is that many teachers use “non-standard” methods of “pedagogical influence” in their practice. For example, collective punishment. Petrov has not learned his lesson - the teacher shouts. But not only for Petrov, but for the whole class: everyone should feel guilty! It will not be surprising if at such a moment even excellent students begin to bite their lips out of excitement. For another teacher, the main weapon is irony. It always hits where it hurts the most. Therefore, when the gaze stops on a student, he presses himself into the desk, dreaming of quickly dissolving and becoming invisible.

What to do if a child is afraid to go to school because of a particular teacher? Try to be the first to take a step forward, tell the teacher himself about your trouble. Perhaps he does not attach much importance to his ironic tone and does not assume what effect he has on the child. Always make direct contact with the teacher. The teacher will either help you cope with the problem, or will be indifferent (hostile) to your frankness. In any case, such communication will allow you to look at what is happening from a different perspective and better understand the situation in which the child finds himself.

Psychological pressure gives rise to a huge variety of fears: before the inevitable need to answer, before the danger of looking funny in the eyes of your classmates, before a mark.

Incomprehensible: after all, the mark is just a number, which, as a rule, does not mean anything. But she is the one who has magical power: afraid of getting a bad grade, children do not want to go to school; because of bad grades, many parents become enemies of their own child.

Today, fortunately, there are schools that have abandoned grades altogether. Do you think children in such schools study worse and try less? Nothing like this! It’s just that parents and children themselves, free from the fear of numbers, begin to understand: the point of studying is not to earn more good grades, but to learn new things and work on their shortcomings.

I leaf through the sixth-grader’s diary: “Comrade parents! Not done homework. Take action!”, “ Test– 2”, “Disgraceful behavior!” Does this boy love his school if no one here loves him? He's probably in no hurry to show his diary to his parents. He hides it, lies, gets out of it. Fear became a part of him. He is always between two fires - school and home. How can I help him break the vicious circle? Be patient. Let at least there be no “fire” at home. And, despite the fiery calls coming from the diary, become your child’s ally. In any situation, in any failure, he has the right to count on your support and help.

A modern school has a whole “remote control” for putting pressure on a child and his parents. There are buttons “threat of expulsion”, “dividing into weak and strong”, “additional exams” - you never know how many such “buttons” you can think of! Don't let yourself get sucked into this game. Always put the child's interests first.

Enemy number one is boredom

How do children feel when they go to school for the first time? Happy! They were promised a beautiful, bright, almost adult world! They become first-graders and wait with passionate inspiration: now the most interesting, long-awaited part will begin. But it doesn’t start and doesn’t start. And every day children are convinced that studying is boring. They consider themselves deceived (the parents should not have painted an ideal image!), so in high school enter with a feeling of deep disappointment. It is at this age that problems with discipline arise, buttons are placed on teachers’ chairs, lessons are disrupted. In high school there comes a time of sluggish apathy and widespread absenteeism.

To avoid such a sad prospect, often ask your child when he comes home from school:

What was interesting today?
If he immediately starts talking about some lesson or event, everything is in order. If he gives up hopelessly:
As always - nothing! – this is a serious alarm signal.

Some children are able to complete teacher assignments whether they are interested in it or not. They are simply efficient. But there are children for whom boredom is akin to torture. The melancholy in their eyes and irresistible yawning are so clearly imprinted on their faces that they cannot but irritate the teacher.

When the ceiling in my apartment began to shake, and the sounds of heavily falling objects were interspersed with squeals, I knew that up there they were doing their math homework.
- What is a fraction?! – was clearly heard from above. - Well, finally share, you pest!
Neighbor Vita helped her son do his homework.
- I'm all on edge! – she complained when we met, swallowing valerian. - My boyfriend is smart. Everywhere – on “4” and “5”. As soon as you get to mathematics, you become dumb and that’s it!
- Maybe the teacher is bad? – I timidly suggested.
Vita raised her eyebrows in surprise:
- Who cares?
And again the ceiling in my apartment is shaking...
But suddenly it’s quiet for a week, then another...
A new mathematician has arrived! – Vita said. - My Lenka solves problems himself now - you can’t stop him!
War is over. Nothing is known about the victims. Perhaps this is Lenkina nervous system, traumatized by constant scandals, or perhaps a relationship with her mother that will never become as warm as before.

Is it a child’s fault if he is not interested in learning? I think parents are able to determine where their child is lazy, does not want to make an effort, and where he is simply bored. You should not scold him for something that is not his fault. After all, he cannot find himself good teacher or explain to the bad person how to work. Creative people need an appropriate environment. Fortunately, parents now have the right to choose the school their child will attend. Search before it's too late. Until your son has forgotten how to listen, while he has sparkling eyes and a responsive heart. Boredom kills it all.

Unhook my tag!

Grandmother! I'm stupid! – said Masha, returning from school.
– Who told you this?! – Grandmother clasped her hands.
- Chemistry teacher!
Tomorrow Masha will hear the same word from her physics teacher, then her classmates will pick it up, and soon the girl herself will believe it. He will begin to be embarrassed to answer and be reluctant to go to school.

How diverse is the range of school labels: “hooligan”, “truant”, “weak”, “gray”, “poor student”... Such labels are not at all harmless. Previously it was just Zhenya, but now he is “difficult”. And Zhenya behaves accordingly, and everyone around him is biased towards him. "No! - say the teachers, - Petrov cannot do “4”. He can only do “2”. No matter how hard Petrov tries, he won’t be able to get higher than “3”. And does he want to go to school after this? Nobody notices the talents hidden in Petrov. After all, the teachers of Leo Tolstoy and Albert Einstein once overlooked them, labeling them as gray C students.

There are no mediocre children, and no one knows the true abilities of their child better than parents. The best way combating negative school labels - creating conditions in which talent would reveal itself. Find a club, a sports section, a studio - let him choose what he wants to do. Then the child will know: I cannot study with straight A’s, but I can draw (dance, play the violin) well. He will not be focused only on school and will stop worrying about the label sewn on him.

Me and hostile “others”

Ezhikov was afraid to go to school from the first day. When the teacher, introducing herself to the class, said his last name, the children laughed. And Ezhikov was so upset that he began to cry. This is how his reputation developed. The situation was aggravated by the fact that Ezhikov really shrank all the time: either from the loud noise during recess, or from a blow on the shoulder. This, of course, could not escape the watchful eyes of his classmates. Ridicule and bullying became the boy's constant companions. At first, Ezhikov cried, begging his mother to leave him at home. Sometimes she agreed. But Ezhikov soon realized: one missed day does not change anything, because tomorrow will inevitably come and he will have to go to school again.

Five years passed like this. Trying to protect her son, the mother came to class to “sort things out” with the offenders and got into a row with their parents. But this only caused more harm. The mother was convinced: the reason lay in the evil children who, as if by choice, all ended up in the same class. She achieved a transfer to another class. But fame ran ahead of Ezhikov, and here he was no better.

Desperate, my mother turned to the school psychologist. The specialist’s diagnosis boiled down to the following: Alyosha Ezhikov completely lacks experience in communicating with peers. Before school, the boy was raised in sterile conditions, almost in a flask. Kindergarten he didn't visit. I usually walked hand in hand with my grandmother at a slow pace. It is not surprising that Ezhikov himself soon turned into a little old man.

The psychologist began working with the boy, analyzing problematic situations, which arose in Ezhikov, suggesting how best to behave. Alyosha went through psychological training. A lot has changed in him, but the burden of the “former Ezhikov” turned out to be too heavy. Therefore, the psychologist advised to transfer the boy to another school. He believed that Alyosha was ready for a decisive breakthrough.

Ezhikov met the first of September of his seventh grade at a new school. Hearing his last name, the guys laughed. Alyosha was already familiar with this - he just grinned. Now he is confident in himself - there were no enemies around.

Poor relationships with classmates are a common reason why a child does not want to attend school. Try to force him to be frank and figure it out: maybe he is inclined to oppose himself to the team? Or, having leadership ambitions, is you dissatisfied with your current position in the class? Maybe he has a conflict with a specific student or is depressed by an offensive nickname? Analyze and discuss with your child everything that worries him. It is better to resolve any conflict within the school, considering moving to another as the last resort, because where is the guarantee that the child will not face the same problem there?

Remember little Pavlik, who, upon seeing school, immediately ran home from his mother? The parents managed to find out the reason. Sobbing, Pavlik told them a terrible secret: the teacher does not love him! No, she doesn’t scream or swear, she just doesn’t like her. It took a lot of effort for the parents to explain to their son that the teacher should not love him, that in life there would still be many adults who would not love him. And there is nothing terrible in this, this is normal.
But the child's soul cannot reconcile. She's still waiting for love.

When to look for another school

1. In case of deliberate bullying of a child by a teacher.
2. If the school does not provide full educational process(there are no teachers in one or more subjects, the level of teaching is weak).
3. If the methods practiced in this school contradict your views on education and damage the psyche of your child.
3. In case of hostility from all classmates.
4. If high demands and overload have a detrimental effect on the child’s health

“My stomach hurts” or “I don’t have to go to school today” is a common problem, but the reasons are different. There are solutions for all ages.

Experiencing fears and anxieties is an absolutely normal phenomenon of a healthy psyche. Normally, fear forces a person to “shake himself up” and become as active as possible, react, and act quickly. In this sense, experiencing fear is unpleasant, but useful.

Everything changes when there are too many fears, or when the child “gets stuck” in them and loses control over himself and the situation. Why is this happening? Phobias don't happen overnight. Most often, this is the result of a long cumulative process, starting with early childhood, the course of pregnancy and childbirth. Or it is a fear of separation from parents, or difficulties with studying, or troubles in relationships with teachers and classmates.

Or fear of the unknown, high parental expectations, low children's self-esteem, too strict parents or too anxious parents. Work with injuries, problems and their consequences should, of course, be entrusted to a specialist psychologist (preschool and younger children). school age, for example, art therapy is suitable - fairy tale therapy, drawing therapy, for teenagers - cinema therapy, group therapy). However, there is a space in which parents and children can and should work independently.

A phobia is nothing more than fear... of fear itself, that is, a strong, literally panicky, rejection of fear as such. The paradox is that in order to defeat children's phobias, parents will have to... love them: recognize, accept and “beat”.

How to help your child get rid of the fear of school?

In addition to all of the above - difficulties with school or relationships - the real problem can be absolutely trivial, but at the same time worry the child: he forgot a poem at a party, dropped something in the dining room, went into the toilet for the opposite sex - whatever. Explain how to cope with the discomfort and how to correct the situation.

Children often feel that all the adult family members are working on something. common task, trying to protect the child from her. Children will intuitively try to take part in a difficult situation, to be at home and close to their family, so as not to miss anything. If there is a problem and the parents unite to solve it, but the child is not privy to it, the child still feels it. Don’t hide the existence of a common family matter from him - tell him as much as you see fit. Place the emphasis in such a way that the child understands: the best help on his part now is to study, go to school, gain knowledge, stay healthy and cheerful.

Do not object or criticize; on the contrary, support your child. Kindly, slowly and optimistically talk about topics that worry him as much as he needs. Explain to him that it is normal to feel fear and anxiety.

After listening carefully and sympathetically to the child, try to smoothly shift the conversation from a negative plot to the desired, favorable scenario. Ask what decision the child thinks would be best. At the same time, act slowly, gently and tactfully, asking leading questions. It is important that in such conversations the child develops initiative and feels, along with parental support and understanding, that he himself is capable of finding a way out of unpleasant situations. Tell us about your school fears and their disappearance. Laugh together at situations - like at children's horror stories.

Use the "gradual exposure" principle. Place your child in a new and unknown situation for a short time, and be with him as much as possible. Find a way to get him used to school in tiny increments. Talk to him in detail about what he will do during separation, tell your child in detail what you will do while he is at school. Think together about how you will celebrate graduation. school day, end of the school week.

Take a creative approach to the principle of combining business with pleasure: organize an introductory tour of the school in the company of your favorite friends. Plan picnics with your classmates, take them to bowling, a zoo, a museum or attractions this coming weekend. The more positive emotions there are, the sooner friendships will form in the class. Encourage your child to make friends and make friends with classmates (offer to invite them over after school, bake fun cookies and treat classmates, arrange a photo shoot or a themed party).

Nothing increases motivation and enthusiasm in childhood like parental support. Knowing that parents appreciate and love the child for who he is, the child will be more resistant to stress and cheerful. Explain that problems can arise at school and you need to be prepared to deal with them. Say that you will always help - both with studies and in relationships with teachers and peers. In everything and always you will be there.

Current programs for educational institutions are continuously updated and modified. The material is not easy and students may simply not understand it. Quite often it happens that a child listens to the information he has read, but is unable to understand it, so he has to review the material covered at school at home. If in primary school You can still understand what is going on, but in older years it’s no longer easy. Thus, the child begins to be afraid of the educational institution, because homework is not completed, teachers give bad marks, and parents scold them. The teenager’s psyche cannot tolerate such stress and a fear of school appears, which needs to be gotten rid of urgently.

Fear of school may arise due to a child’s inability to master educational material.

What is school anxiety?

The fear of going to school is called didaskaleinophobia; it is typical only for schoolchildren and appears exclusively during classes. Essentially, the concept of didaskaleinophobia literally stands for “fear of school.” Formally, such a phobia may not immediately manifest itself in full. Parents often perceive reluctance to go to school as laziness, a desire to take a walk or do something other than educational process. But it is precisely at these moments that you don’t need to turn away from the problem; you need to take it seriously and find it. the real reason truancy from classes. This is especially evident in primary school, because the child has not yet fully adapted to learning and requirements, and heavy workloads without family support can lead to the appearance of a phobia

The mistake parents make is that they consider a phobia to manifest itself in all areas of the child’s life at once, and fear appears precisely in a specific case.

If you eliminate the irritant, then the fear goes away on its own. Such manifestations in a teenager cannot be ignored. The longer time and attention is not given to the problem, the more strongly it grows into consciousness. Later, it can develop into severe anger, which is associated with panic and depression.

Signs and symptoms of having a phobia The most complete and accurate description of fear of school was described by Khersov. He believed that problems begin with dubious complaints about educational institution or from her forced visit. Later, this develops into a complete refusal to go to school, not taking into account the persuasion from the parents. How time is getting closer

go to an educational institution, the more the child’s behavior and mood changes. Many children say that they have a desire to attend school, but when they need it, they are unable to do anything due to panic attacks.

• Parents should sound the alarm if these types of symptoms appear:
• attacks of asphyxia;
• interrupted breathing;
• too fast pulse and heart rate;
• heavy sweating;
• chills and tremors;

the child becomes paler, there is a loss of strength, which can lead to loss of consciousness.

In addition to the above, a teenager may experience nausea, dizziness and intestinal colic. It is surprising that in the presence of this disease, a child may develop fear of seizures. Moreover, than older child

, the stronger such manifestations can be. Children may rush around the room at such moments, their behavior will be panicky, or they will long time

is without movement. Such signs are difficult to attribute to whims and should be given due attention.

Asphyxia is one of the signs of phobia

Causes of fear It is foolish to think that manifestations of fear before going to school can appear due to one stressful situation

• which occurred in an educational institution. In most cases, this is a protracted process where the student is constantly exposed to negative factors that cannot be eliminated immediately:
• bullying from classmates that teachers ignore;
• cruelty towards a child;
• ridicule;
• a lot of work and heavy stress (physical and mental);
• psychological reproaches from teachers.

There are non-standard symptoms of didaskaleinophobia. It happens that a phobia occurs when a student experiences panic, thinking that trouble might happen to his parents during his absence.

It may be that quarrels among relatives and troubles become so ingrained in the student’s head that he cannot get rid of them at school, trying to resolve their difficulties for his relatives, and therefore does not want to attend an educational institution. Under any circumstances, school is the main period of socialization of a student, so the fear of school must be overcome.

Being busy at school may be one of the reasons for the disorder

How to overcome your fear of going to school

Most often, a student does not have the opportunity to fully understand exactly how didaskaleinophobia manifests itself, how to overcome it and eliminate it forever, and what really prevents him from attending an educational institution. Based on this, professional help is necessary. In these cases, you should seek help from professionals in this field. First of all, these are child psychologists who can gradually determine all the reasons for such behavior in a child. A psychologist can explain how to get rid of or prevent peer pressure. It will teach and change the student’s views on the world so that he can look at the problem from a different angle and eliminate it on his own. If a child is very afraid for his parents, then a professional will be able to explain to him what to do when his relatives are not around. In conjunction with the work of a psychologist, the student is prescribed certain antidepressants, therapeutic physical culture

or other exercises that will distract the child from the problem. Physical education can help a child overcome self-doubt.

If the pressure comes from the family, then it is important to have conversations with relatives. Close people are obliged to reconsider their attitude towards their own child and try to solve the problem without involving the child in it. Most parents, when they hear from specialists that their child is afraid of school, breathe a sigh of relief - the problem is not so serious. This is just the beginning of something difficult, which could develop into something more. If this problem is not addressed in time, the child will not want to attend school at all, even to the point of suicidal tendencies or running away from home. This won’t happen right away, but you shouldn’t let it get to that point. Any fear can be eradicated by finding it and eliminating it. Didaskaleinophobia is no exception if you seek the help of a highly qualified specialist in this field. It is he who will be able to give the necessary advice:

Transfer the child to home schooling. This is necessary and important because the child must have the necessary knowledge.

Do not scold him for some weaknesses - the indignation of his relatives will only aggravate the situation. Only with the help of patience and compassion can you cope with psychological problems schoolboy.

The child must be supported, even if he received a bad grade. It is necessary to demonstrate that there is nothing terrible in this, everything can be corrected by better preparation covered material.

A little reminder to parents! In order for this phobia to be eliminated, parents should start with themselves; only relatives will help the student eliminate the fear. There should be a favorable atmosphere, trust and mutual understanding within the family.

Close people are obliged to show attention and patience, and not to blame the child for all his failures. Having overcome the fears of constantly being guilty before parents, the child will have confidence in support and protection. At school he will find mutual language with those children who will accept him for who he is, and will learn to resist all his enemies. He will be interested in going to school. It is important to convey to your child that he will not be perfect for everyone, which means that you should not always listen to everyone's opinion.

If you notice that the child’s behavior is similar to the symptoms described above, then take the necessary measures and think about the microclimate in the family. You should analyze your own behavior, since quite often children copy the behavior of their loved ones. Based on this, you need to set an example for children based on your own behavior, and this will help them achieve unprecedented heights and overcome a lot of difficulties. It is necessary to communicate a lot with the child, learn about his problems and not let him withdraw into himself.

Reader question:

Hello. I am 20 years old, I recently started working in correctional school. At first everything was fine, but later high school students began to look for my weak points and put pressure on them. After that I was under a lot of stress, and my love for children has already disappeared. And every morning I go back to work with fear. Tell me what should I do?

Archpriest Andrei Efanov answers:

Good afternoon Dear Pavel, you have chosen a very necessary and difficult specialty for yourself - a teacher, and even in a correctional school. God help you! Yes, it happens that students of pedagogical universities who come to practice, when they first stand in front of the class at the blackboard, suddenly realize that they cannot teach the lesson, that they are hampered by uncertainty, fear that they cannot overcome, that they do not have the strength to cope with the class , in other words, that they chose the wrong specialty and did not understand what it was, not in theory, but in practice. This question is no longer for the priest, but for teachers with experience - what they will advise to do. I know this: try to overcome your fear, and if it doesn’t work out, people are advised to change their specialty, because it happens that a person cannot be a teacher. This is completely normal. So weigh everything carefully and figure it out. If your fear is not so strong that you cannot teach, but you are simply in a situation that needs to be overcome, I would advise you to talk with experienced teachers - how they started their work, what problems they encountered and how they got out of them. Children always try the weak points of a teacher, coach, camp counselor... It is important for them to respectfully, but clearly and firmly show what line they cannot go beyond. Clearly state or write even the rules of conduct and penalties for violating them. In general, define the boundaries as clearly and clearly as possible. But this is with ordinary children. I repeat, senior correctional teachers will tell you what to do in a correctional school.

Pray, go to church regularly, confess and receive communion, this will help you gain the necessary spiritual strength and strength.

With your fears, try to understand for yourself what exactly worries you, or sort it out with an experienced psychologist; this can be useful not only for work, but also for life.

As a recommendation, I can advise you to seek help from the Center for Crisis Psychology at the Church of the Resurrection of Christ on Semenovskaya (Moscow).
The oldest Center for Crisis Psychology, created with the blessing of Patriarch Alexy II, is located next to the Semenovskaya metro station. Highly professional Orthodox psychologists serve here who have already helped thousands of people. Help is provided to adults and children, members of any religious denomination, people of little faith, doubters and atheists.

If you have a difficult financial situation, then this should in no way stop you from receiving psychological assistance in the center. Donations to the center are determined only by your capabilities and gratitude. Providing assistance at the Center has nothing to do with the amount of the donation (or its complete absence).