How to get rid of embarrassment. Unwind or how to get rid of shyness. Capture your strengths

Hello to everyone who is afraid to call, meet new people, dance in the crowd, return goods to the store, ask the minibus driver to stop at the place you need, etc. Does every step you take in society lead to you overstepping yourself? Stiffness kills dreams, interferes normal life a person affects behavior in society, so you must understand how to overcome shyness and self-doubt.

It's all about self-criticism. Shy people are unusually dependent on others, they have low self-esteem, there is uncertainty and even dissatisfaction in life. A shy person is ready to limit himself to standard work, in which he will not be seen by others.

He will be ready to remove all friends from his life, just to experience less social stress. He is completely lost in simple everyday situations, such as making phone calls or communicating with sales consultants.

Each time the situation only gets worse, because every action that you fail to implement in communication is a small blow to your self-esteem, a step towards even greater isolation. You can no longer understand how to get rid of shyness and tightness. The inner Samoyed that lives in a shy person completely destroys your self-confidence. In such a state, overcoming oneself is practically a feat.

If you want to get out of shyness, there are many steps you need to take. When you begin to overcome yourself, decide how to deal with shyness, or even just think through your actions, it becomes easier for you. Time after time, without steps back, you will move towards a free existence in which you can discard excessive modesty. Indeed, in our case it is really unnecessary, simply because it interferes with life!

Exercises

Let's look at the psychologist's advice on how to overcome shyness, modesty and self-doubt. After each exercise, especially if it was really difficult, you need to reward yourself - with something sweet, a trip to the beauty salon, an evening with your favorite book, a warm bath or new purchases. Everyone will choose something for themselves.

Exercise 1. During the day, smile at 20 strangers on the street, looking them in the eyes and not hiding from them. It may be quite difficult at first, but such an exercise will help you gradually integrate into society. You will show yourself that the world around you is not trying to offend you, it is quite positive and is also ready to share warmth.

If this is difficult, start by smiling at yourself in the mirror, smiling openly to friends and family. Such a seemingly simple action qualitatively changes people’s lives, helps relieve tension and uncertainty, so you should always start your day and business with a smile!

Exercise 2. During the day, ask people on the street several times what time it is. Don’t choose people who suit you, try to cover as many categories as possible: grandmothers, schoolchildren, young girls, and men. Ask 15 times until you feel confident. If the task is performed well, you can complicate it. In this case, the person should try to ask again as if he did not hear the answer. This helps you understand that people will not refuse such simple help, they approach the questions adequately, and they have a positive attitude towards you. Yes, even if a passerby refuses, there is nothing scary or stupid about it.

If the exercise is difficult or you don’t understand how to get rid of shyness at this moment, try to imagine the situation well: from the second when you approach the person to the moment when you say goodbye. Positive elaboration of the situation, which will tell you how to overcome shyness in this situation, will lead to an excellent result!

Exercise 3. Try to “twist” something in your image, for example, clothes. Go to a standard meeting wearing an inside-out sweater and see if your friends embrace the change. This will help you realize that people are not as picky about your appearance as you think. They may not even notice the flaw right away.

Appearance won't ruin your relationship, it's really not the worst thing that can happen in your life. You are more significant than your clothes or your image. It is necessary to separate opinions about you and your essence. If you find it difficult, start with some inconspicuous wardrobe item, for example, different socks on your feet or an inside-out T-shirt.

You will begin to understand that any flaw can be easily corrected, for example, by changing a sweater. There's nothing wrong with that. And you won't look stupid doing it!

Exercise 4. Head to the hairdresser and ask the stylist to give you a new look. Ask as many questions as possible, offer your ideas and, most importantly, do not be afraid to refuse the service under the pretext that you need to think about it. Go around several salons to practice this situation until it becomes automatic. You need to speak clearly, loudly, and confidently. To consolidate the result, go to 5-6 salons. And as an incentive, you can get a haircut where you really liked!

This approach helps to increase your importance to yourself. You will realize that you deserve attention, self-care, and being listened to. You have the right to refuse the service and decide what is best for you. If you find it difficult, start with salons that are far from home.

Exercise 5. Buy an item in a store and then return it. You can actually do this legally! And you need to be firm in your voice in order to get rid of the thing that you have changed your mind about wearing. The seller will try to persuade you to keep the item, but stand your ground and be confident! Go to 4-5 stores to overcome your stiffness.

If it's difficult for you, take your mom, girlfriend or friend with you. Then the seller will definitely not be rude to you. But it’s you who needs to speak, don’t shift it to someone else, because you’re the one looking for the answer to the question of how to get rid of shyness. You will have nothing to fear, which means you will be able to overcome a difficult everyday situation for many shy people.

How do the lives of people who overcome inhibition change?

• Life As we have seen, there are quite a few simple everyday situations in which a shy person feels insecure. Starting from calling the clinic receptionist (delaying a trip to the doctor can affect your health), ending with the inability to ask for directions (getting lost and looking for a way in an unfamiliar place is not the best choice for leisure time!). Saying goodbye to such difficulties and deciding how to overcome shyness means really changing your quality of life!
• Relationship. Problems with shyness in relationships are, of course, central. The inability not only to tell a nice person that you like him, but also to communicate with him in principle is bitter! We need to start taking steps, we need to start warm relationships, we need to look for friends. If only because friends, family and loved ones are the basis of our lives. And shyness destroys this foundation. A person who has overcome himself and realized how to get rid of shyness will be able to build new relationships, will be able to say if something does not suit him, and will be able to plan a life together.
• Dreams. Shyness is uncertainty, and uncertainty is dislike for yourself. A person who considers himself unworthy various benefits who has not decided how to deal with shyness, can he allow himself to dream? Of course not. Your childhood dreams are deflated as social failures occur. You gradually convince yourself that you won’t succeed, but your stiffness prevents you from diving back onto the path of success. Maybe you sing great, but... stage fright. You play volleyball great, but you are afraid to approach the group playing... You write poems perfectly, but they do not leave your table. Letting go of yourself means letting go of your dreams. A person free from shyness achieves more. Because his horizons are expanding, and he really can do anything!
• Career. A career, akin to dreams, of course, goes up. You stop enjoying a small office that no one comes into, where you do things that are invisible to others. You want to realize yourself. You want to emerge from behind the office fence and start doing what you are truly meant to do in life. Write. Photograph. Maybe even manage people.

This is the difference, “to have or not to have” – it’s up to you to decide. Remember that every day you are moving either towards total modesty, which destroys your life, or towards a happy open existence.

Dependence on other people's opinions makes us shy. As you know, everyone only likes the American dollar, so learn not to take criticism as a judgment and recognize that the world is not black and white. You will get rid of shyness when you change the grading system.

Become independent of other people's assessments

To get rid of shyness, you need to become independent from other people's assessments and opinions of others. You can't please everyone! Therefore, learn not to take anyone’s criticism personally and painfully.

Why is shyness more common in adolescence? Yes, because teenage maximalism does not allow you to see all the facets and nuances of some actions and events - this is good, and this is bad, this is white, and this is black.

Adults understand that there is nothing unambiguous - in addition to black and white, there is a whole palette of colors, and all situations are ambiguous. Therefore, it is easier to be an independent person and not have to depend so much on the opinions of other people.

If you find it difficult to relax and you are worried about what people might think of you, remember the words said by someone famous: “Don’t worry about what others think about you: they are too worried about what you think.” about them".

Get rid of the controllers

Identify the person (or several persons) who plays the role of an “examiner” in your life, the one who constantly commands you, the one whose opinion dominates you, the one who from time to time speaks exclusively in a negative way about your actions and actions.

Of course, finding him among your surroundings is sometimes not easy, because you are accustomed to his command and take everything at face value, not for a second admitting that this person could somehow harm you. If you have found him, but for certain reasons you cannot completely get rid of his “guardianship,” reduce the distance.

Love yourself for who you are

If the reason for your shyness is a rejection of something in yourself, be it a character trait or some physiological feature, or something else that you don’t like about yourself and try to hide it or not demonstrate it again, ask yourself a couple of questions - “What prompts me to so frantically hide this property, this trait from other people?

What happens if I, having first accepted it for myself, open it to others?” In order to get rid of shyness, first imagine it mentally, and only then transfer your vision and mood into reality.

Learn to objectively and calmly see yourself from the outside without judgment or evaluation. Such an outwardly neutral vision will little by little awaken in you positive emotions, a feeling of love and joy both for the whole world and for yourself, as a part of this world. Direct this love towards what you dislike about yourself. Everything will work out!

Pay attention to appearance

If your shyness is a consequence of the fact that you doubt your external attractiveness, pay attention to this and work on your own image. If on this moment If you are limited in finances, then just make sure that your clothes are always clean and neat.

Do not make yourself an idol

Are you worried that you don't look like someone? Where did you get this internal image, standard and ideal? How did he get into your consciousness? Think about it: could you not compare yourself to anyone? By endowing someone with omnipotence and trying to imitate him, in addition to the fact that we acquire shyness and all sorts of complexes, we also deprive ourselves of the opportunity for individuality and self-improvement.

Develop communication skills

Communicate more and develop the necessary communication skills - communication skills, listening skills, the ability to ask questions, the ability to formulate thoughts, pay attention to increasing vocabulary and read the rules of constructive criticism...

The best impromptu is the one that is carefully prepared

If your shyness prevents you from communicating well, then as a “temporary cure” or “transitional measure,” try not to get into situations that are unfamiliar to you. To do this, develop your own personal tactics of behavior. Prepare several specific options (phrases, topics of conversation, etc.) for specific situations. You can rehearse the dating situation at home in front of the mirror, and first sketch out the conversation on the phone on paper.

You have the right, the right to...

As soon as you start to feel awkward in communication, remember that every person has a right: the right to independence; the right to evaluate one’s own actions and feelings; the right to make mistakes and be responsible for one’s actions; the right to say “no” without feeling guilty; the right not to make excuses; the right to dislike; the right not to know something; the right to make ridiculous and illogical decisions, of course, if it does not harm others.

If at first things don’t turn out the way you would like, don’t be discouraged. Give yourself the right to make mistakes - this is one of the main conditions that will help you overcome shyness.

Use affirmations

Try using positive attitudes and statements (affirmations). Although many people consider it frivolous, believe me, it works.

Get rid of muscle clamps

Be sure to pay attention to releasing muscle tension (I will tell you how to do this in the following articles). If you learn to relax, your shyness will decrease.

Each note of shyness has its own muscular echo. Analyze the muscle pattern of your own shyness. Try to figure out which muscle groups are the main forces contributing to this negative emotional state.

Important!

Shyness is not a disability! Some people believe that if they are shy, it means they are sick. This is wrong! I assure you that many people also did not have, and do not have, sufficient faith in themselves, they simply learned to overcome and conquer this fear.

If you can’t help but evaluate yourself, then take it for granted that shyness is not so bad! This trait is inherent in a researcher who always tries to get to the essence of things, and not be content with the superficial “it’s normal.” Therefore, take into account that you are far from worse than everyone else, and many are even better. In particular, it is quite possible that you better than man, on whose assessments you depend.

The worst way to deal with shyness is to “find someone vulnerable, someone weaker than you, and suppress them.” Firstly, it is not beautiful and unethical. And secondly, for a shy person this is violence against himself, because such behavior is not characteristic of him.

Some people believe that drinking alcohol helps them overcome shyness, and they begin to abuse it. This is unacceptable; under the influence of alcohol, a person becomes looser, not freer, and can literally “break free from the chain” - from the very one on which various complexes hold him.

When alcohol stops working, the state of shyness deepens, because a person becomes ashamed of his behavior, he tries to distance himself from others and withdraws even more into himself. The process of getting rid of shyness takes a long time, so you will need patience.

Many of us judge liberated, self-confident people, although in fact we want to be like them. This is not surprising, since such individuals strive to become the soul of the company, they charge you with energy and leave a piece of themselves after leaving. On the other hand, people who are not shy appear self-confident and arrogant. One way or another, to overcome shyness, you need to study all aspects and make a competent plan. Let's talk about everything in order.

Reasons for shyness

1. People become shy when they spend a lot of time alone. The inability to communicate socially is caused by a lack of basic communication skills.
2. The genetic factor also contributed. If a child grows up in a family with shy parents, this feature will be transferred automatically.
3. People who are unsure of their abilities are often shy. This happens due to constant criticism from others or low self-esteem imposed by the subconscious.
4. Fear of communicating with others and, as a result, isolation arises due to the psychological trauma experienced. A person tries to protect himself from future losses, so he becomes shy.
5. If a child lives in a family that regularly criticizes and humiliates him, the child will automatically grow up withdrawn. The same applies to children living in constant prohibitions.
6. There are people who are afraid of “falling on their face.” This is due to public censure; a person does not want to be rejected by colleagues, friends, relatives and even strangers.
7. Stereotypes influence the formation of life principles. If a child is constantly praised and has high expectations, he will try to do everything so as not to destroy the illusion. Such a person is afraid to express his thoughts in the future.

How to get rid of shyness

It should be remembered that isolation is not a vice. Young girls are much more attractive when they have a blush on their cheeks and a slightly trembling voice. However, if such a feature prevents you from fully existing, you need to get rid of it.

Method number 1. Chat with strangers

1. In most cases, people become shy well in advance of interacting with strangers. Such behavior is wrong, because you cannot baptize your children with these people.
2. Accept invitations from friends to attend all kinds of parties, concerts, and cinemas. Make it a habit to meet at least 2 new people a month.
3. At first, you can smooth out the corners by making friends through social media. Start with VKontakte or Odnoklassniki, then make an appointment yourself when you're ready.
4. Go out into the world more often. Visit crowded cafes and restaurants, crowded places. Stand in line, pay utilities, communicate.
5. Engage in solving pressing issues on your own. This applies more to visiting authorities and other serious offices (passport office, housing and communal services, tax office, etc.).

Method number 2. Find new friends

1. Visit social groups or join forums where people share their doubts. Find someone who has the same problem. Discuss the topic with him: “How to overcome shyness.”
2. It is also recommended to find a person using the “nasty” method. It is important that a new acquaintance does not have complexes and shyness. Such a person will constantly pull you out of your comfort zone. This will promote emancipation.
3. Every person comes into your life for a reason. Choose your social circle so that it includes people of all social groups. Of course, you shouldn’t get involved in crime.
4. If possible, communicate only with successful people. Create an idol for yourself, follow his path. Do not be afraid own mistakes, they are required for experience.

Method No. 3. Do daring things

1. Analyze your life. Highlight actions that you could not decide to do long time. Have you been planning to jump with a rope or parachute for a long time? Go for it!
2. Regardless of whether you are a man or a woman, take a closer look at motorized vehicles. People on two-wheeled iron horses look bold and confident. Study for category “A”, buy a sports bike and equipment.
3. Actions that can overcome shyness include participation in television programs (in particular, extras), beauty contests and other public appearances. Expressing your thoughts to the public will liberate you, the main thing is to prepare thoroughly.
4. If you're a girl, wear an extravagant petite top or high heels. Reconsider your image, dye your hair a bright shade. Visit a fetish party, attend a charity event, or become a volunteer.
5. People who have long-term sympathy for the opposite sex should ask the person on a date. Take courage and dare, live for today.
6. In all of these actions, it is important to know when to stop. Don’t jump right off the bat, think about your own safety and morale. Don’t run into trouble, carefully plan and predict all your actions.

Method number 4. Gain confidence in yourself

1. In most cases, people become shy due to complexes that appear over the years or stem from childhood. To get rid of shyness, it is necessary to eliminate uncertainty in all possible ways.
2. If you don't feel comfortable because the weight class is over the top, go for it. Join the gym, get rid of cellulite, go on a diet. Buy clothes that hide imperfections.
3. Reconsider your image. Get a new haircut, change your hair color, go for a manicure and pedicure. Take a make-up course, find “your” cosmetics, and don’t go out without makeup.
4. Get rid of the "junk". This includes old clothes with pilling and elongated knees, shabby shoes and bags, old jackets. Replace every discarded item with a new, more stylish and unusual one.
5. Assess your capabilities regarding your current profession, develop in your career, and increase your earnings. Try to communicate with people who have already achieved heights. Find out their secrets of success and share your own experience.
6. Love motivates you to do more, find a gentleman or life partner. Dress up for the sake of your loved one, make each other happy. A stable personal life adds confidence.

Method No. 5. Describe yourself

1. Prepare a notepad and write down your positive sides. Be sure to check not only about mental and physical abilities, but also external data.
2. For example, you can write that you are positive, brave, successful. It is advisable to clarify the ability to achieve goals and objectives, responsive character, and kindness.
3. If you are experiencing difficulties regarding your characteristics, contact your relatives or friends. Compose psychological picture together.
4. You need to indicate as much as possible positive qualities. Number them for clarity. Hang the list on the refrigerator or bathroom mirror. Re-read every morning and believe in what you wrote.
5. It is important to remember forever that a person is made up of his own thoughts and beliefs. Think about yourself in a positive way, never doubt your own capabilities.

Method number 6. Develop materially and spiritually

1. In the near future, you need to communicate more with diverse people. This method will improve your communication skills and relieve you of shyness.
2. To become an interesting conversationalist, develop spiritually. Read books, attend seminars on personal growth. Study your social circle, remove those who drag you down.
3. Money plays a big role in modern world. People who say otherwise are deeply mistaken. With the help of finances, you can provide yourself with a decent life, travel, and be confident in the future.
4. Isn't this what eradicates shyness?! Look for a more profitable profession or ways to earn additional income. Never stop. Make it a habit to raise your salary by at least 10% per month. At the same time, learn to postpone.
5. If you don't yet know what you want to become, it's time to correct the situation. Analyze what you are most drawn to. Perhaps to mathematics, art or other creativity? Do you like to work with your hands or your head? Mold yourself based on this.

Method No. 7. Play sports

1. Decent physical fitness improves self-esteem and morale. Many people visit gyms, so it is often impossible to do without contact with them. Don’t be shy, ask how to use certain exercise machines. Look for new acquaintances.
2. Agree with your friends that you will lose 5 kg. and pump up your buttocks, abs, and arms. Limit yourself to specific limits. Start running, jumping rope, squats.
3. You don't have to spend exorbitant amounts of money on a subscription. Enjoy summer and winter sports without spending your hard earned money.
4. If you still decide to visit specific sections, consider Pilates, water aerobics, stretching, yoga, dancing of all types, kickboxing, cross-fit.
5. In clubs you will be taught to behave in a relaxed manner. The trainer will tell you how to get rid of shyness and will do everything to ensure that you achieve your goals. Particularly shy people should contact a professional instructor in a particular sport.

Method No. 8. Make your loved ones happy

1. Learn to give joy to your relatives and close friends. In return, they will show you gratitude and give you compliments. In this simple way, you will gain confidence and stop doubting yourself.
2. Stop conflicts, do not harbor anger and resentment. They will eat you from the inside. Communicate with people politely, give tenderness and love to those who deserve it.
3. For your own peace of mind, keep a calendar. Indicate in it significant dates, birthdays of your friends and relatives. It is important to understand that without social communication the person fades.

Identify the causes of shyness and eradicate them short time. Constantly work on yourself, don't stop there. Find passive income, climb the career ladder. Reconsider your wardrobe and your overall image. Play sports, look for new circles of acquaintances, travel. Take the initiative in communicating with friends, improve your personal life, make your loved ones happy.

Video: how to stop being shy

I have a big problem. How can you get rid of embarrassment? I don’t know why, but I’m very shy, I don’t even communicate well with my relatives, because I’m embarrassed by them. Help me please!

With pleasure! The first step towards solving a problem is recognizing the problem and finding a solution. If you really want to find ways to “get rid of embarrassment,” I will tell you them. I will tell you many different ways, and you choose what suits you personally.

The first thing you must tell yourself is: sometimes you know how to be shy, and sometimes you know how not to be shy. Yes? Attention! Are you comfortable walking down the street, eating, perhaps playing sports or drawing? This is true? Yes. In some situations you know how to behave confidently and freely. So, more precisely, the task should be put as follows: how can you expand the zone of your free and confident behavior?

Most often, we are embarrassed to communicate with people when we consider ourselves “uninteresting to anyone,” “insignificant,” “small” people. And what to do with it? There is only one answer: work on yourself. A “successful”, “bright”, “purposeful” person will not be “embarrassed to communicate” - which means you need to become such a person step by step! I suggest you do this on several fronts.

Develop your strengths

1. Look at yourself from the outside. Highlight those qualities in yourself that you like. Write them down.

2. Rejoice in the fact that you already have a lot of good and interesting things in you.

3. Keep a Success Diary. Write down your achievements during the day in your Success Diary every day. Reflect everything in your diary: your personal successes, the results of the day, good luck.

Build additional abilities

1. Determine the qualities that you would like to further develop in yourself. Write them down.

2. For each quality, write down habits, working on which you will develop the additional advantages you need. Work on developing these habits.

3. Find the person(s) who have these qualities best developed. Model (try to repeat) his (their) words, behavior, actions.

Increase your self-esteem

1. Compare yourself only with yourself (yesterday, for example). Never compare yourself to other people.

2. Communicate more with positive, confident people who support you. Help the people around you, encourage them positively.

3. Engage in work or any other activity that brings you joy and pleasure. Live your life, accept independent decisions. And - act!

Yes, if you decide to engage yourself purposefully, step by step, then go to the Distance. And at the Distance, the most important exercises for you will be: “Diary of successes”, “Diary of emotions”, “I don’t play the victim”, “The volume of the planned result” and “I am the master”. You will succeed. By taking one step at a time, you can go the longest way!

Hello, here, as always, Pavel Yamb!

Today we will talk about another character trait that prevents us from achieving success - shyness. It is inherent in some people, and in different situations it is felt by those who generally do not suffer from excessive modesty. Let's try to figure out how it can interfere with achieving the desired success and how to get rid of shyness.

Don't cling to someone else's glory!

Shy is a person who hangs out in noisy companies, in front of other people, and cannot insist on his own. However, does all of this relate to such a character trait as shyness?

Introverts don’t like noisy company either, but not every introvert is shy.

Sometimes this concept covers up an elementary inability to behave in a particular environment. This is understandable: a more or less observant savage who finds himself at a high society ball will notice that in this company it is somehow not customary to noisily gnaw at bones and wipe his greasy hands on his neighbor’s clothes. An understanding savage will become quiet and thoughtful, so as not to inadvertently break some rule. Would this mean he is shy?

Nervousness in business relationships can be generated by the thought that you are not ready, incompetent, or don’t know something - this is also often confused with modesty and shyness.

A well-mannered person will not prove that he is right in a raised voice - if from the outside it seems that he is inferior, then sometimes this is not at all the case.

And careful self-expression in a new environment is more the norm than a deviation, and it is characteristic of even the most modest people.

So let's figure out what traits are inherent in truly shy people.

So, shy person:

• feels uncomfortable in any large company, familiar or unfamiliar;
• feels insecure around any not very close person;
• does not like to speak in public, even if forced to do so repeatedly in the same environment;
• avoids drawing excessive attention to his person, even among friends;
• loses his mind, cannot object even to a good friend;
• tries to dress so as not to stand out and attract undue attention;
• feels freest when alone, in the company of a child or animal.

If the circle of loved ones with whom a person behaves naturally starts from 0 and stops around 2, then we can definitely talk about shyness.

Why you need to work on yourself

If shyness prevents you from living, achieving your goals and success, then it’s time to do something about it.

You can be a great professional and have original ideas, but if you don’t dare to convey them to other people and achieve understanding, these ideas will remain fantasies.

They say that shy people are more likely to suffer from bullying - this is not always the case. Shy people often like to be patronized. But we can say for sure that their opinion will not have weight, they will not be listened to. Therefore, if you think that your ideas are worthy of attention and implementation, then you are probably wondering: how to get rid of shyness?

There is no need to think that your case is the most difficult and the only one of its kind. Shyness has been and is being overcome by a huge number of people, even those who played a huge role in history.

Initially, Lincoln was very awkward and seemed to have a lot of difficulty adjusting to his surroundings. For some time he struggled with obvious timidity and anxiety, and this increased his awkwardness. When he began to speak, his voice sounded harsh, shrill, unpleasant. His demeanor, his posture, strange postures, uncertain movements - everything seemed to be against him, but only for a short time. After a few minutes, his composure, sincerity, warmth, and concentration returned, and his real speech began.

Lawyer Gerndon

Often a shy person, finding himself in an unusual and uncomfortable role for himself, behaves ridiculously. Okay, if this is in an informal company, but what if in more serious business negotiations and relationships? Trying to imitate confidence, such a shy person may behave excessively harshly, defiantly, and become irritated - but not with colleagues or interlocutors, but simply because he feels insecure in such a role.

Therefore, if life sets you the task of changing, then let’s do it on time.

Do you want to be successful and natural? Do you want your ideas to be listened to and accepted? Let's discuss together how to get rid of shyness forever.

Psychological basis of the problem

Most often, shyness develops from childhood. Inability to react to a meeting with a new person, possible fear, failure - many people read poems on a chair, and some fell from them. Or maybe your parents, with their assessment of your success, helped strengthen your insecurity?

Very often, parental high expectations reinforce in the subconscious an unattainable ideal that the child supposedly must live up to. With age, this reaction strengthens and turns into a painful reaction to the world. Perhaps a conversation with a psychologist will help identify the roots of the problem - by recognizing the “trigger mechanism” it is often possible to get rid of shyness and self-consciousness.

There is no need to wait for tricks from those around you and think of something. For every person, the most important thing is himself. A person plays his role, constantly looking at himself as a critic and spectator, reading from those around him how successful he is in the game. Therefore, if someone did not pay full attention to your joke, nodded absentmindedly and rushed off, then this is probably not because there is something wrong with you. The person just has his own plan of action in his head, which did not include your joke, that’s all.

A shy person is so fixated on his own feelings, shortcomings, listening to his inner discomfort that he forgets: he is among the same people who, perhaps, show less shyness, but surely someone experiences it. Therefore, observing those around you can help you disconnect from your own – and often imagined – shortcomings.

That guy sniffles funny - isn’t it because this is how he expresses his shyness? And this girl constantly glances at herself in the mirror - clearly not out of great self-confidence.

In addition, you can look at those who act at ease - what helps them feel natural? Why not take a few correspondence lessons in relaxed behavior from them?

But I would not advise rushing to repeat after someone, since you are not him. Try on this behavior: will you be comfortable behaving so relaxed and even impudently? Or does this manner displease you?

There is no need to try to become someone else, it is best to be your true self. For those who hum songs in their souls and perhaps skillfully parody some famous actor.

Very often, young and shy people strive to imitate relaxed or even cheeky people. But it would be worth remembering: not all girls like rude behavior. There are also those who appreciate modesty and politeness.

Not every guy will rush after a beauty who obsessively demonstrates her irresistibility. Sometimes a girl sitting calmly against the wall will be much more interesting.

What matters is what you do next. Are you at a loss, not knowing where to put your arms and legs? Decide that the young man made a mistake and mistook you for the wrong person?

Therefore, it is important not to forget: in the end, it is not ostentatious behavior that plays a role, but the ability to be natural and pleasant in communication. Sometimes our seemingly shortcomings, when properly processed, can become advantages.

Removing obstacles

And now tips that will help you get rid of the reasons that increase uncertainty and shyness.

1. Detailed preparation for an upcoming public event can greatly help alleviate uncertainty. I know people who were attacked by tetanus just at the thought of having to speak in public. Because of this, they did not prepare for the event and got there unprepared. Do you think it made them feel better?
2. If you have to meet other people, make sure that your appearance corresponded to the level of the event. Although neat clothes and hair do not solve everything, at least you don’t have to constantly think about how you look and you could dress better.
3. If the event involves a performance, then it needs to: a) be written; b) rehearse in front of a mirror or even in front of loved ones. And modern technical equipment allows you to use a presentation, which will make your presentation much easier, as it will take some of the attention away from your person.
4. If the meeting is informal, try to find the enthusiasm of a pioneer and explorer in yourself. Talk to people - it still doesn’t oblige you to anything. Observe yourself during the conversation, think about what worked, what didn’t, where you could have behaved differently. Smile more often and try not to separate yourself internally from what is happening. And don’t try to relieve tension with alcohol - intoxication can lead to an uncontrollable effect, and you will be ashamed later. Remember how this happened in the good old movie?

1. Get to know the rules of etiquette. Yes, yes, it’s so simple that it’s even funny. However, poor behavior can be a significant source of insecurity. Unfortunately, now schools no longer devote time to rules of behavior in society. Many are generally sure that all these ceremonies are not necessary. Although in many ways the rules of decency were intended so that people of any temperament could fit into the environment. Have you ever thought that the miracle pickup tricks teach much the same thing, namely: how to be polite and pleasant in communication?
2. Take on the role of a confident person. While this image has not yet become yours, you will have to try to at least play another yourself. Compose rough plan, which you will follow - it will help when shyness overwhelms and all ideas leave your mind. The plan deprives improvisation, but can give a little respite to adapt to the situation.
3. There is no need to expect immediate results. We have lived with shy behavior for years, many of our habits are adjusted to it. Therefore, it will take time to get out of this image. It all depends on desire, persistence and practice. If you work on yourself once a year, you will have to spend years. So practice more often, you don’t need to rely on one single attempt, it’s better to turn it into regular practice.
4. Collect in your memory successful episodes when you felt comfortable in the company of strangers, when you spoke freely and convincingly, and they listened to you. This is an invaluable resource that will be useful to you in the future and will become a source of inspiration. And in general, learn to impartially analyze your behavior - without justifying or scolding yourself, as if observing yourself from the outside.

These are not the only tips for getting rid of shyness and inhibition that may be useful to you. You can find many different methods. The main thing in them is practice. Only by applying these tips in your life will you be able to see how successfully you are changing yourself.

So go ahead: practice, accumulate positive experience - and soon you will laugh at the thought that you were ever so shy.