How to understand what you want from life and find yourself? Electronic doctor What do you want from this life
Everything you need to know to finally understand your true desires. The results may surprise and even shock you.
How to understand what I really want? How do I know what kind of life I want to live? Today people are increasingly asking themselves these questions. And there are good reasons for this. Right?
Again, briefly: these are the people who behave like scanners - jumping from fifth to tenth - but in reality they are just trying to drown out boredom.
Real scanners are interested in many things at once, and they want everything at once. False scanners are jumping around the top, just to occupy their restless minds with something.
From all this fuss in our heads modern people There was a fear of not being able to do anything, or of making a mistake in making a choice.
How can you do one specific thing when there is such temptation around? How to understand what you want? What if you choose the wrong thing? What if you remain unclaimed? Maybe it would have been better to go to another institute? Or maybe that guy at the next table in the restaurant has better food? What is better to choose - a used iPhone or a new Galaxy? What if my boyfriend is not my real soulmate? What I want? Etc.
To stop the madly spinning world, you need to get off this carousel and just stand on the sidelines for a while to come to your senses. Some, unfortunately, do it too radically.
But you don’t have to turn off the switch completely, but just switch to neutral mode. You know as well as I do what we’re talking about - of course!
No need to wrinkle your nose, like we swam - we know. Usually this is done by those who tried several times, got nowhere and abandoned the practice to hell.
Meditation is not a Viagra pill that gives an immediate reaction. You have to work at it and sometimes for long enough to feel a noticeable effect.
Judge for yourself, a person has been accumulating confusion in his thoughts and desires for years. And then some kind of half-educated plumber came with only a plunger in his hand and tried to clear all this clog at one time. Will he succeed? That's the same thing.
Therefore, you need to calm your racing mind, and a better practice than meditation has not yet been invented for this.
By the way, a very successful way to meditate is to focus on the phrase “I want to know what I want.” It not only stops the flow of different thoughts, but also relieves some of the tension and guilt that arise from the fact that we sometimes don’t know what we want.
Don't know what you want? Well, load your subconscious with this question and let it figure it out on its own. And the answer may emerge after a while and most often unexpectedly.
Just don’t need to wait for him on purpose and, especially, be upset if he doesn’t come. Just keep practicing next time. And again and again... That's how it works.
If you are constantly looking for novelty, trying to escape from fear and boredom, then a peculiar a piggy bank of ideas. Barbara Sher also talked about this in her book.
The trick is actually very simple, but effective. You simply take on one specific task (a dish in a restaurant, a partner, a used iPhone, and the list goes on) and work on it until you get a specific result.
And as soon as the alarm bell rings in your head and the desire to switch to something else appears, then you realize this other thing, write it down on a piece of paper and throw it into a special box of ideas. You can just write it down in a notebook and not bother with the box.
The point of the action is that you do not accumulate ideas in your head, where they are already too crowded, but give them a real embodiment, a path, even just on paper. This way you literally “blow off steam” and significantly reduce internal tension.
This tension arises precisely from the fact that we are always afraid that we will not have time to do something important, we are afraid of missing out on this important thing, and therefore we rush between things, trying to catch them all.
By writing everything down on a piece of paper, we not only provide relief nervous tension, but we also become more confident that we won’t forget anything now and we can continue to work calmly.
Fear is an inclination of the soul that convinces it that a desire will not come true.
Rene Descartes
By the way, Barbara also advises writing down on pieces of paper all the anxieties, fears, bad feelings and thoughts that arise on any occasion. You can keep a separate box or notebook for them.
This allows you to safely discharge all the negativity that has been stuck in your head for a long time and firmly. Consider it a freebie, but very effective psychotherapy. Then you can burn this notebook. Try it! Very inspiring:)
For those who do not want to study and spend a lot of time on one thing
This is me! Yes. Since childhood, I don’t like to spend a long time doing one thing and studying all its intricacies. This is probably all because of the neighbor Aunt Nina, may she rest in heaven. She kept saying: Igor is our professor!
And at school I was frankly bored. After all, I’m a professor and I know everything, leave me alone, everyone.
I remember that even in my favorite radio circle, I almost never completed the assembly of any circuit to completion. I liked starting work, but finishing it was wow.
By the way, I also changed a lot of different circles and sections in my childhood.
This is also a certain type of unfortunate diver, or false scanner. It comes from the inability to learn. This is when in childhood you were either overly praised, or everything was very easy for you at first, and therefore there was an illusion that it would continue to be so.
But as soon as the first difficulties appeared, fear and uncertainty arose, and therefore it was easier to quit this business and do something new.
Only one can help here patience. Patience that will overcome disappointment over time.
After all, this is what we are really afraid of - disappointment. What if it doesn’t work out, what if something goes wrong, what if they don’t praise me, but on the contrary, they will mock me, what if I miss something important while I’m busy with something else, and in old age there will be only regret and nothing more?
Patience is a difficult thing. You can't get it by force. You can’t force yourself to just endure it and that’s it. This is masochism. You need to find something interesting in it that can captivate and smooth out the bitter aftertaste. And curiosity can become such an interest.
He who is able to endure is able to achieve whatever he wants.
Benjamin Franklin
What usually scares you the most when you are afraid of being disappointed? That's right - ignorance. You don’t know what you will get as a result and you are afraid of failure in advance.
But what if you turn on curiosity and aim not at a positive result, but at the result in general?
That is, show interest in the process, and not the result as such. Just take it and tell yourself: I don’t care that I may not really achieve anything, but at least I’ll try to bring this matter to the end and see what the hell comes out of it all.
Thus, shift the emphasis. When you are not bothered by the result, but do something for the sake of the process itself (even if at first it doesn’t bother you at all), then gradually and imperceptibly you get involved and begin to notice things that you had never even thought about before.
This can also be called meditation. After all, in essence, this is what she is. And the most important thing is that over time you start to like it. Process for the sake of process and nothing more.
Have you heard about Flow? This is exactly what it is when you focus all your attention on the process, even if you’re just picking your nose. Many find the meaning of life in this.
Not picking your nose, of course! And in the feeling of the Flow. When you are in it, you absolutely don’t give a damn what exactly you are doing.
So Buddhist monks spend their entire lives leisurely swinging a hoe in their garden or sweeping the yard and at the same time are as happy as a hundred Buddhas.
This is how the writer composes his verses and watches how the lines fall on paper and create a new Universe.
So parents watch the growth of their offspring and rejoice simply because they exist.
But how much patience you need to apply to all this! There is no way to do this without the necessary interest.
Interest is what helps you cope with all difficulties.
I wish you to find your interest in life. Good luck! And subscribe to our channel on Telegram.
Do you already know what you really want? Write in the comments and tell us how you found your true desires.
Fate man's way trial and error, self-education and other steps. I can do everything, I want everything, but how do I know what choice to make?
1. Take two hours of our time (undivided, personal and quiet) and sit down at the table
It is important. Not on the sofa, not on the bench, but at the table. We write down everything that we like to do and that interests us. Let it even be a stream of thoughts. It is important to write EVERYTHING.
Now put the paper aside and go to bed. The next day we looked at it soberly, analyzed it, and crossed out the outright nonsense. Now it’s easier - there is a basis and ways of direction.
2. Read, listen, visit
Over the course of a week or two, try reading/listening/visiting several places/events related to your chosen areas. Breathe the local air, feel the atmosphere.
3. What don't you like?
Let's go the opposite way and decide in the same way what we DO NOT like to do. For example, come to work with your mom/dad/other relatives and understand whether it’s yours or not. Did you see? I do not like? Hood. There is already something.
4. Internship
Any office/magazine/work place of your dreams is always in need of interns/volunteers. IT'S SO SIMPLE. Exactly. You just need to dial the authority’s phone number and ask about the internship conditions. Trying is not torture. Such an experience will “sober up” your ideas about future work in the best possible way and make it clear whether this is “it” or not.
5. Travel a lot and often if possible.
A closed space, the same circle of friends, communication often leads us to a dead end. There is an explosion in your head, a burst of inspiration and energy. You see how people live far and near, what they do.
6. Talk to older people
Age is not as important here as it is important life experience. Especially the experience of those who are already successful in their business and have achieved something. Ask for advice, be interested.
7. Interest club
There are a lot of organizations for students/youth not only based on their interests, but also in a general direction, so to speak. There you can find like-minded people - one, have a good time - two. Three – often the people around us make us understand who WE really are.
8. Read a lot
9. Although it’s the ninth, it’s a very important point(!)
Please think with your own head. Not mom/dad/family/maternal aunts, but your own. YOU get to live and love what you do. These are your ambitions, life.
10. Make contacts
This is now called “networking” (from “network”, translated from English). Your interested and capable friends now will be in the future successful people, entrepreneurs, specialists. Be nicer to everyone. Really try to help others whenever possible. Such relationships with people are the building blocks of the future. What you do now is what you do later.
11. We know how to relax
You can’t always search hard for your calling. Have you thought about it? Doesn't work? Let's take a break and just relax.
12. But here’s the catch (see point 9) - listen to your family and friends
13. Test
Take a career aptitude test. I'm not laughing now. Thousands of psychologists and other specialists developed these types of tests for a reason. Every question and your answer to it has meaning. Whether to follow the test results or not is your choice.
14. Exhale, there’s not much left
So, let's try to get out of our comfort zone and do something we haven't tried before. We come up with 2-3 classes a week maximum and expand our horizons. Imagine that you are a guinea pig and a doctor at the same time. Observe your reactions to certain objects/activities/activities. Draw conclusions.
15. Last and most important
Are you ready? Be yourself. Seriously. Stop copying anyone if you have done it before. Someone's experience may not suit you, someone's views may differ from yours, and that's okay. Everyone has his own path. It is important to go through it yourself from beginning to end.
A happy person is characterized by having a healthy appetite for life. The process itself pleases him. If you look more closely, it will not be difficult to see the recipe that all such people have in common: 1) they know how to accurately determine what they want and 2) they get it. How can I understand what I really want?
I remember that day, about a year ago, when I suddenly clearly realized that the transformation that I had been striving for for so long had entered my life. Despite the fact that there were still many unresolved tasks and questions, there were doubts, fears and other accompaniments of any change - but one change nevertheless irrevocably occurred: I knew exactly what I wanted. Moreover, in all areas of life and at different periods of time.
If you woke me up in the middle of the night, demanding to list what interests me in this life, I would blurt out without a shadow of a doubt where I was going. And with a fair amount of specifics. If you offered me to change these goals to other, no less attractive ones, I would refuse, because my scope already gives me enough space to spread my wings. If my life had been faced with a choice – a loved one or these goals, I would have chosen the latter. Since true love will not set such a condition, and everything else is a fake from dreams on the topic of saving love, which will make you happy for the rest of your life and save you from the need to act. And there is no longer a place for this illusion in my life.
It's an interesting feeling to know what you want and where you're going, because it doesn't take away the freedom of choice and the ability to change your mind, but you know that your choice has been made.
Absolute freedom does not exist, but there is freedom to make a decision, and after that you are bound by your choice.
P. Coelho, "Zaire"
Committing yourself to such a choice is a truly wise step, since it is concentration on a single vector that helps you go through stage after stage and feel the rhythm of life, giving birth to the joy of conscious movement forward. Including this the only way having what you want is for those who are not afraid to dream big.
To describe it simply, the picture looks like this:
- To be inspired by your desires, they must be big- that is, to have scope for the flight of your soul. Global goals give rise to the belief that our capabilities are much wider, thereby unlocking our inner potential and giving us a surge of strength.
- Achieving big goals takes time, during which you will move in the chosen direction without changing direction. Only a long movement in one direction can give a tangible result. You have the right to change your goal, change your mind, choose something else - please. Divine right free choice always with you, just like the law of cause and effect: every time you start something else, you start a new path, and you also need to stay on it for a long time, without changing the sharpness of your focus.
In order not to succumb to the temptation of choice and not change your direction, you need to decide exactly what you want.
Therefore, it is reasonable at a certain point in life to decide for yourself exactly: “Who am I?” and “Where am I going?” Otherwise, people often change their minds, try many directions at once, do not really succeed anywhere and generally give up any attempts, thereby beginning a smooth descent down the ladder of their prospects.
If you are ready, you don’t need to prepare. Once you have a direction, it is easier to deal with doubts and tempting opportunities. It’s easier not to be distracted from the essence and keep focus on one thing. When this choice has not yet been fully made and you continue to wait for a miracle (they say, somehow everything will work out by itself), then you swim wherever the wind blows. I think none of us would want to find ourselves on an uncontrollable ship on the ocean or on a boat floating in a fast current without oars. So why do many people like this dangerous approach so much: “to go with the flow of life without any goals?” Isn’t it obvious what it brings to
stones of helpless old age?
The World Athletics Championships are currently underway in Moscow - how interesting it is to watch some of the competitions. Look.
What is the essence of the victory of this or that athlete? Some will say that hard training coupled with natural abilities, but still the root is deeper - in their choice to focus on one specific sport that suited them best and improve in it. Only long-term and technically correct training in one direction can give the desired result. But each of today's sports stars, having, in principle, a strong body and certain talents, could run from sprint to jump, from jump to marathon, from marathon to all-around, calling it a search for oneself. – Decide on a direction as early as possible major decision in sports, and everyone knows about it, which is curious, but in life this is also the most important decision, although already significantly less people
To get what you want, you need to choose a single vector and move in its direction, constantly improving over a long time.
Hence the logical question: do you know what you want from your life? In all areas?
I didn't know for a long time. Or rather, she misinterpreted her desires. For example, I sincerely wanted to live by the sea. And only after 2 years, closely spent by the sea, I realized that I really want to regularly travel to the sea, and to the mountains, and to the forests, and to the snow, that is, to travel a lot around the world, and only during breaks between something more significant and creative, for example the development of your project, and living by the sea is not at all necessary. Big city answers significantly more of my questions than an island isolated from the world. In my personal life, I also had dreams in the style of “maybe I will become a wonderful housewife and keeper of the hearth and will not do anything,” which made my own universe laugh a lot with the corresponding lessons.
For every talent we will be asked.
But every time, even when the next “I want” turned out to be more of my fantasy about a wonderful future, and not an adult decision, I continued to move forward. I wanted to live by the sea - I went there to live. I wanted a free schedule - I found a way to work as a freelancer. I realized that I had to return to Moscow and moved. I wanted an original project - and here it is in front of you. It was this movement, and not reflection (!), that gave us the skill to separate the grains of the true aspirations of the soul from the chaff of idle entertainment that leads nowhere. At some point, real goals began to take on a more and more distinct form, leaving behind all the imposed husk.
This is an illustration of my favorite example of a long climb into the mountains - at first you don’t even see the top, but as you approach, with the next observation deck, your view increases and at some point - the target becomes clearly visible. But if you don’t get off the couch and start this path of conscious movement along the edges of your “I want” and “I can,” then don’t ask for the top.
Some tips on how to understand your true desires and find inspiring goals
0. Tip number “zero”- start a conscious movement, to begin with, towards any immediate desire. I need to start moving uphill in order to continue to talk about where exactly my road is in all this splendor. If you plan to start and do something only when you find your Path or destiny, you simply will not leave the threshold of your home. This is called “sofa self-searching”, and it’s funny.
1. Pay attention to your own desires
Having a large number of desires and ideas is a sign of high energy. Don't give up on your aspirations. And don’t listen to those who say that desires are bad. Desires encourage us to move forward, grow and overcome ourselves, or rather, our own ideas about ourselves. Desires are catalysts of vital energy. Another question is that when potential remains unrealized, it begins to put pressure. That is why it is useful to fulfill desires in every sense.
The difference between a true dream or a “social” one, that is, an imposed one, is most often realized only in practice, and not in the mind. Get ready for trial and error stage, especially if they grew up in a very “closed-minded” environment, but this stage is also very productive.
Most often I receive letters in the style of “how to change everything, but not make a mistake.” That's the point: no way. Yes, you may make a mistake, but even a mistake with a sincere intention to change for the better and realize your potential to the maximum will be beneficial, because it will remove another layer of blinders from your eyes, which you will never see unless you try.
A loser is someone who, out of fear of failure, didn’t even try.
It was the mistakes that brought me to that very place. observation deck, where I was able to clearly see what I want: who to be, what to have, where to go. And as a bonus, she understands that she no longer intends to endure it.
2. Find the junction between desires and abilities
The single vector that was discussed is very often at the junction of “I want” and “I can”. That is, these are not just your current abilities, but multiplied by great desires. What you have inclinations and talents for, but in the context of a big dream. This is the conscious development of your abilities into mastery, which allows you to fulfill your wildest desires. As soon as you find this joint, give it priority. Nothing makes a person internally whole and calm more than a clear understanding of where he is going.
3. The greatest goal should always have points of contact with the moment now
A goal differs from fantasy only in the presence of real steps now in the chosen direction. In all other cases, if you want to, but don’t do it, it’s nothing more than a childhood dream that is unlikely to ever come true.
To get somewhere, you need to know the destination. This is primary. And the sooner you decide on it, the clearer everything that happens around you becomes. I wish you to realize it and choose from all the diversity.
Forget about others for a while, focus only on yourself. Ask yourself: if you were completely alone, without friends and family, without a job you hate and were not limited in your choices, what would you want to do? Don't be afraid to show healthy selfishness and don't be ashamed of it. If you don’t put your interests above the public, no one will.
Don't regret anything
Constantly regretting what you did or didn't do in the past is stagnation. Don't live in the past and don't regret anything. Live for today, live for the future.
Decide what you need most
We don't always understand what we need in life. And it is extremely difficult to find out. Concentrate and think about what is truly important to you. Family? Freedom of expression? Financial well-being? Making a list of priorities may help.
Identify what's bothering you
You can make a sound decision about what you want to do only when there is nothing holding you back. If you are upset or your head is full of things to do, then you will never be able to make a decision. Find out what exactly irritates you this moment. “Working in an office makes me angry” is not the answer. What specific aspect of the job is causing you anxiety? Is your boss annoying? Schedule? Unhappy with your position?
Think about how to fix this. Perhaps there are no serious problems in the current situation and changing just a couple of aspects will make you a happy person.
Find out what brings you pleasure
Pleasure is the key to happy life. A person who enjoys life does not just live through his years, but fills them with meaning. Remember the moments in your life when you were happy. What brought you pleasure? Trips? Communication with children? Company management? It will be easier to choose your next path if you know what exactly makes you happy.
Tell others about your dream
There is no need to hide the decision to give up everything and go towards your dream from your family and friends. By sharing your thoughts with them, you can get support and new ideas that you might not have thought of on your own.
Be positive
Life doesn't always go according to the script we write. But there is no need to fall into apathy if something doesn’t work out. Instead of grieving and doing nothing, continue what you started with a vengeance. Sooner or later success will come. Don't give up, but think about the good and do what you've dreamed of all your life.
Just don’t think that finding your purpose is easy. Many people search for it all their lives. The main thing is not to stop and keep looking. One day this will definitely happen. Until then, try different professions and activities. After all, without trying, you will never know whether it is for you or not.
I grew up in a society where it was difficult to want something special, and to find clues on how to understand what you want from life? Instead of self-expression in clothes - a school uniform.
Instead of a menu, we have a set lunch, and at home we eat what we managed to “get.” We read the program, vote unanimously, remember that Onegin (had he lived to that moment) would definitely have ended up on Senate Square. We quote the leaders, we enter the institute that our parents have chosen or where we have acquaintances.
The established order collapsed, and people's desires remained stereotyped and poor. Women are tormented by the dream of making a career or making themselves a skilled housewife. Men want to get rich here and immediately, so that after forty they can allow themselves to forget about work and do what they love. Secret desires come true, but the most exciting things begin to happen after the treasured fruit falls into your hands...
I found myself in a similar situation about nine years ago. I remember well the day when my husband and I moved to a country house. I dreamed so much about family, children and own home. My wishes came true, but I was sitting in the car in the yard, looking at the windows behind which members of my family were flashing, and did not want to budge. I felt sad and dreamed of slowly escaping. Like the heroine of the movie “The Hours,” who disappeared one day, leaving her husband with two small children. Decades later, her son found her. He really wanted to know what mom had been doing all these years. What turned out to be more important to her than children? Do you know what the heroine answered? “I read,” she said, “I left you and went to a university town in northern Canada, got a job as a librarian and lived quietly.” Day after day enjoying silence and reading.
Do you know the feeling that you are not living your life?
Have you felt like a student who studied all night for a philosophy exam and did not show up for it, because all exams in the world are relative and, by and large, meaningless?
I think we go through an identity crisis about once every ten years, and we ask ourselves, how do you figure out what you want from life? Now I’m no longer afraid when I feel like I’m living someone else’s life, doing something wrong, or getting irritated. When this wave hits me I find free time, I carefully look at the landscape outside the window of a house or apartment in order to “ground myself” and feel like I am in the present, and I begin to dream. I ask myself, what would my ideal life be like today? What would your ideal self be like? How would this ideal self feel?
I don’t know how to tune myself to a planned list of goals, but I always trust the desired feelings more. I like to ask myself two questions:
- What three trifles will bring me pleasure and a pleasant mood today?
- What three meaningless trifles will I do this week for similar feelings?
- Actions and feelings always go together, and you don’t notice how you change.
I dreamed of running away. I wanted change. For the sake of how to understand what you want to do in life? I was terrified by the thought that I should grow old and die in this house. I’m generally a terrible coward and a lover of thinking about the eternal. But, you must admit, deciding to divorce when you have two small children is not easy. The child is half mom and half dad. It’s difficult to explain to him that now we will live separately, because being together is no longer possible for me. However, it is possible. You need it to save yourself.
Do you know why many people don't change?
Why are some people terrified of changing the usual course of things? “I’m already twenty-six, it’s too late for me to change anything,” they say. “Ah, I always dreamed of becoming a doctor, but it took so long to study for it, and I’m almost forty, ah...”. “The boss is, of course, a tyrant, but the salary is paid regularly, otherwise he would have organized his own business long ago”...
Change is truly dangerous. They endanger more than just what we really want to get rid of. Change also threatens what is dear to us. Without guaranteeing anything. Walking the beaten path may be dreary, but it is simple. If something happens, you can always nod towards your parents, traditions, times (it must be emphasized) and say that you would have done everything differently, but these terrible circumstances did not allow you to take a step on your own.
Now imagine that you have changed your usual track for a road with a sign “how to understand what you want from life?” There is no confidence that it will lead to your dream. Moreover, by experimenting on yourself, you endanger the usual life of your loved ones and friends. It will probably be difficult to admit to yourself that this thin, barely noticeable path is your fateful choice. Not the wide red carpet of the Oscars, desired by many, but a narrow strip, on which there is no one else except you. Most likely, other people's judgment and misunderstanding await you. But the main thing is not to rush headlong after a new idea, but to weigh your strength, health, willingness to work hard, as well as the ability to refuse when an undertaking does not lead to personal values. 
There was a moment when I seriously figured out what came first: do I have high expenses and therefore have to work a lot? Or, do I allow myself to spend a lot so that I have to work a lot and hide about myself? Reminds me of the centipede's thoughts about the 24th and 39th legs. To figure it out, I kept a diary. I wrote down expenses, income and my feelings at these moments. Written text and analyzing oneself through it is an interesting topic. I will write about it in detail someday.
However, I am sure that at the first stage of change you need the support of a specialist, not a diary. Get ready for the fact that your immediate surroundings will do their best to hold back changes in you and lead you away from understanding what you want to do in life. This is normal: any system opposes changes that threaten its integrity. Besides, if awareness of one's desires were the path to happiness, it would become a new religion.
Finding out the truth about yourself is unpleasant and scary.
Therefore, only brave people come to understand themselves. At first, spiritual development will go smoothly. But exactly until the moment when the understanding arises that the cause of all one’s own troubles and misfortunes is guess who? Look in the mirror - get acquainted!..
It's time to give up moving along the path of awareness. Because those who go further in the direction of “how to understand what you want from life?” are again in for bad news. Understanding that things are even worse than you thought at the beginning of the journey. Moreover, you continue to step on the same rake, the size, color and weight of which you already regularly analyze. You even begin to remember where and under what circumstances the rake attacks you, but you still don’t have time to pull your leg away. Only the bravest ones do not stop at this stage.
And only at the next stage changes begin. You finally managed to say “no” for the first time to work on Saturday and the temptation to eat three desserts in a row. They opened the lid of the piano, which they had not thought about since they graduated from music school in the seventh grade. You even insisted and stayed home on the weekend. Instead of going to my mother-in-law’s dacha as usual. This is the happiness of realizing your desires, you managed to think and immediately encountered a new problem - the dissatisfaction of loved ones. They demand your old self back. They don't want to accept changes in your favor.
Sometimes the blackmail is so strong that many people decide “I’ve had my fun and that’s enough. Only crazy people, children and moths can be happy, but I am normal.”
What prize awaits the madmen who still dare to move on?
Once a person passes the point of no return, when he cannot live without changes, he likes them! The fear of the unknown doesn’t even stop me. Begins own life, “my” life, not invented by parents, teachers, husband or colleagues, with the awareness of “who you want to become in life.” And the desire to return to “unconsciousness” never arises.
Understanding yourself is a way to become a human being, and not just a living being driven by instincts and passions.
It must be said that even brave people often come to the path of awareness in a roundabout way. Through the children: “I don’t understand, doctor, what’s happening to the child. He suddenly began to study poorly and cries at night, but the neuropathologist didn’t make a diagnosis and sent him to you.” Through business: “You know, coach, the problem is my employees. They can't handle anything without my help." The threat of divorce or mysterious symptoms: “My husband always...”, “... and then I became covered in red spots, just like now.”
Even brave people find it unusual and scary to admit that they can’t cope with something, don’t understand something. Asking for help and accepting it is not easy. Paradoxical as it may sound, illness helps to find the answer to the question “how to understand what you want from life?” For example, when I am involved in manipulation, my stomach starts to hurt. I might be glad not to notice my participation as a stranger in the performance, but no. Sometimes I even ask my stomach for advice. For example, I listen to my feelings in it while talking with a person or reading a commercial proposal.
The body, including the stomach, doesn’t lie, but the mind and head really can. If the family does not notice the child’s characteristics, and instead of developing the rudiments of abilities, they dump their expectations on the fragile consciousness, the child simply becomes deaf to his own desires and begins to “desire” others’. There is no point in condemning the adult generation: at one time no one took their opinion into account either. Now they are trying to make up for lost time with their children. And now the potential pilot “plays” the piano that his father dreamed of. And the poet in his soul understands the basics of marketing, because “mom said” that it is promising.
However, living other people's desires is not so bad.
The real torment happens when a child is reprimanded or ridiculed for expressing real dreams. Then, every time we feel “our” desire, we simultaneously experience burning shame. The feeling is unbearable. There are few brave souls who are ready to take the risk of exploring what else is there next to shame.
One of my friends was able to find himself searching for “how to understand what you want from life,” with the help of notes about what makes him feel fear, shame, resentment, envy, and anger. It turned out that true dreams were overwhelmed by these emotions. Envy arises for what we ourselves want to receive. The carefree laughter of a young couple in transport or on the street makes us angry, because we haven’t allowed ourselves this kind of thing for a long time, although we want to. Detailed analysis discomfort helps you understand your dreams! Personally, I wrote out for a month, which makes me feel annoyed, a feeling of envy and to prick someone with devaluation.
The result is an interesting and unexpected list. It turns out that I devalued women who know how to get comfortable not through sweat and sleepless nights, but by adapting (this is humiliating!). I didn’t value family at all (of course, you can break your heart again) and envied bright people in public professions (for recognition and the luxury of being yourself, you have to endure dislike and envy). The most unexpected thing I discovered was the desire to draw. As a child, I spent a lot of time with pencils and paints. I even looked for tutorials myself. It’s interesting that later at school I was “lucky” to study not just with an art teacher, but with a real artist. She came up during the lesson, without explaining anything, made a couple of brush strokes, and the drawing came to life. Like magic. It’s a pity that Olga Vasilievna did not explain what the secret of mastery is. So the students began to believe that the ability to draw is a gift that is available to very few. Like a peacock's tail - it's either there or it's not.
Then after school, in search of how to understand what you want to become in life, for many years I dreamed of starting to draw, but for a long time I forbade myself even to buy an album and watercolors. Time flew by. And last summer I said to myself: you are thirty-six years old, you still dream of drawing, maybe it’s time to allow yourself to stain paper with paints? That’s how I got into right-hemisphere drawing courses.
Perhaps you have heard of them? The author of a popular technique teaches adults and children in a matter of hours, not even to draw, but that everyone can draw. Using simple techniques that are shown and explained literally “on your fingers.” No one promised to make Van Gogh or Matisse out of me, but now I can quite tolerably depict what comes to mind.
No miracles happen during classes. Apart from the fact that it’s a miracle that painters understand: this is how they prime the canvas, this is how they mix the paints, this technique will allow me to paint a flowering meadow, but using this technique it’s easy to depict the sea.
Of course, there is no limit to perfection, but skills and explanations on your fingers help you realize the most important thing - everyone can draw.
During the right-hemisphere drawing lesson, I realized that in the same way at my seminars I explain “on my fingers” how to learn to write. I also don’t promise that after two classes you will discover the talent of Chekhov or Pushkin, but I can teach you how to choose a topic, draw up a plan, and come up with a plot. At least you can write any article or letter without any problems.
I think the most valuable thing that is taught in such courses is a system of step-by-step actions, knowledge decomposed into molecules, and also confidence that I can do it. Even without any claims to genius. Drawing and text are the same way of self-expression as dancing or renovating an apartment according to your own design project. This is the embodiment of oneself in the material. The ability to leave your mark.
Now I thought that, yes, I spent valuable time on ordinary drawing. But I realized that I still like to color more than to paint my own picture, due to a lack of skill. What prompted me is that I still have high demands on myself, instead of allowing myself to be natural and mediocre. An episode from the play “If you don’t have to write, don’t write.” I know people who do this, and are even proud of it!
It’s interesting that what I’ve been thinking about most lately is that real change begins when you refuse to change.
It may sound strange. :) But when I read long, overly (in my opinion) informatively charged texts, I cannot even get to the middle. I have the impression that the author is talking himself and me down. When there are many words, many feelings are suppressed. I want to shake off the signs and spaces. I immediately remember a meeting with a Spanish entrepreneur. A few months ago he showed me his office and was glad that hard work now allowed him to do his favorite thing - sculpture. All my friend's sculptures are heads. Male and female. One of them is called “love”. This is the head of a girl on the back of whose head is a vagina. I looked at the sculptures, then at the sculptor, who seemed to have only a beautiful thoroughbred profile, and could not restrain himself, asking: “Do you live only with your head? Thoughts? Is the body more of a burden?” The programmer-sculptor was embarrassed, but nodded in the affirmative.
I wanted to write a short text about how to understand what you want from life, and the ability to distinguish between your own and other people’s desires, but I wrote an awful lot. I'd better go for a run now. Will you join us?