How to deal with anger and aggression, turning them into allies. How to successfully deal with aggressive and controlling people How to deal with aggressiveness

Greetings, dear readers!

With this article I begin a series of publications,

dedicated to the regulation of such emotions,like anger and aggression.

In them I will present several psychological techniques,allowing to mitigate the negative effects

the presence of these emotions in our lives.

Fighting aggression, anger, irritability, anger and other negative emotions

is an integral element .

I talked about the nature of aggressiveness and the main reasons for hostile human behavior in the article:

And you can read about its manifestations in the relationship between a man and a woman in the notes about and.

Contents of this article:

Forms of manifestation of aggression

Regulation of aggression

“5 steps” technique

To bring hostility and other negative emotions under your control and even benefit you

(no matter how stupid it may sound, it is possible),

you should know that they are powerful emotional energy.

It is aimed at changing the world around us and adapting to it.

However, there are two...

Forms of manifestation of aggression

Non-constructive (or primitive) and constructive (or civilized).

Unconstructive aggression – this is the energy of hostility. It is aimed at destruction and destruction.

Can be useful as a defensive reaction when attacked.

But, as a rule, in human relationships it only destroys.

Remember, for example, an irritable and evil man, seeking to defend their interests at all costs or simply to annoy those around them.

Constructive aggression aimed at creative transformation of the world.

In civilized forms, it manifests itself in the form of initiative, determination, enterprise, and creative impulses.

For example, an irritable and angry person, instead of throwing out his anger on other people, directs it to creating some kind of socially significant product.

IN in this case, primitive hostility is transformed into constructive energy and begins to serve the person and the people around him.

What is needed for this to happen as often as possible? For this you need…

Regulation of aggression

It involves working through negative emotional states. They must be recognized, spoken and expressed in socially acceptable ways.

For example, this can be done by using so-called replacement actions.

Thus, anger at a person can be worked out through active physical actions(shadow boxing, punching bag, outdoor games, etc.).

And since anger and aggression are almost always associated with high levels of stress, reducing it, as a rule, reduces the boiling of these emotions.

You can read about this in the articles:

Cognitive processing of hostility, verbal discharge of anger, awareness conflict situation and it contributes well to changing attitudes towards her...

5 Step Technique

It allows you to positively restructure the problem, express anger and hostility, and work through an unfinished conflict.

This method of regulating anger is similar to the "" technique.

What is needed for this?

Let's say, as a result of a conflict with your manager or colleague, you are seething with anger and have difficulty coping with aggression.

Take A4 sheet. Draw a table consisting of 5 columns. Design it as shown in the example below.

Emotions	Thoughts	Needs	Negative side of the problem	The positive side of the problem
Most likely actions aimed at a constructive solution to this problem

Then start working on anger and hostility.

To do this, you need to realize and describe your internal states and experiences in the appropriate columns.

Step 1. Awareness of emotions.

Realize and write down all your emotions and feelings that you encountered in this conflict situation.

"What did I feel?"

“What was happening to me?”

“What were my reactions?”

“How did my body react?”

and so on.

Step 2. Awareness of thoughts.

Realize and write down all your thoughts that you encountered in this situation. It is important to find and write down thoughts in relation to oneself, to other participants in the conflict and to the situation as a whole.

Questions that help with this include:

“What thoughts flashed through my head during the conflict?”

“What was I thinking?”

“What images were in your mind?”

Step 3. Awareness of needs.

Realize and write down the interests and needs that were affected and infringed as a result of the conflict.

As you become aware, ask yourself questions:

“Which part of my personality prevents me from realizing this situation?»

“What aspirations and interests of mine were affected and violated?”

“Which of my goals is being hindered by this conflict?”

Step 4. Awareness of the negative side of the problem.

Realize and write down everything negative that is associated with this situation.

In particular, your wrong actions, negative thoughts and feelings (for example, excessive anger and aggression), which led to a worsening of the situation (unconstructive ways of behavior).

Step 5. Awareness of the positive side of the problem.

Realize and write down everything positive that is associated with this situation.

In particular, your constructive actions, thoughts and feelings that could improve the situation or, in fact, positively influence it and prevent it from getting worse (constructive behaviors).

They will help you at this step psychological methods presented in the article

As you can see, this technique is quite simple. But the fight against aggression carried out with its help is very effective.

It allows you to change your attitude towards the situation, realize and verbalize anger, irritation and dissatisfaction seeking a way out.

At the same time, anger, fear and aggression are translated into a constructive channel and directed towards actively overcoming the conflict.

In addition, the 5-step technique can be supplemented by the freewriting method. It is presented in the article “ ».

That's all. Take care of yourself!

See you in the next publication.

In it I will continue to talk about techniques and techniques for dealing with aggression and irritability.

I would be very grateful if you leave your

Imagine the situation: two drivers are stuck in a traffic jam, each in their own car. Another car passes by on the side of the road, bypassing the line, and then tries to get into the very beginning, right in front of our heroes. The reactions of the drivers are different: the first one got very angry, swore loudly at the window and did not allow him to get through. A skirmish ensued. The other driver shrugged and turned away. Why did it happen? Why did there be completely different reactions to the same situation?

The answer is really simple: each driver assessed the situation differently. If we assume what exactly they thought, then most likely the first driver thought something like “What an impudent fellow! Why should I stand, but he shouldn’t? He must stand and wait, like everyone else! It's not fair! Now I’ll show him how to behave!” The other driver probably thought something like “Let him climb, I don’t care.”

At the root of anger, anger, rage and irritation are expectations. We expect other drivers to behave fairly and according to the rules. We expect that management will be fair to us. We require ourselves to exercise twice a week. When this doesn’t happen—drivers don’t drive according to the rules, bosses criticize us unfairly, we once again didn’t go to the gym—we get angry, annoyed, and angry. We can say that we have certain rules regarding “duty”: someone must do something. When such a rule is violated, we become angry to one degree or another. The more important this rule was for us, the more it is connected with something individually valuable, the stronger the attack of anger can be. The easiest way to notice such “shoulds” in relation to other people is: “He has no right to do this!” or “Children must behave normally!”

Attitude to anger and its causes

It is worth noting that people have different attitudes towards anger and its manifestation. Attitudes are influenced by:

• upbringing;
• the cultural environment where the person grew up;
• life experience;
• after all, books read in childhood and much more.

For example, we may learn that feeling anger is bad and wrong and should be suppressed. If we imagine anger as a tightly closed kettle of boiling water, then it is easy to understand how it happens that anger at some point breaks out in the form of intense, exciting, strong feelings. After all, when the kettle sits on the stove and heats up, heats up, heats up, the water slowly boils, but there is still little steam, and it still accumulates inside. The water continues to heat up and eventually boils. There is a lot of steam, he is looking for a way out - and will definitely find it. If you close it very tightly, the steam can break the lid and even explode the entire kettle. It's the same with anger. If you don't let him go out, sooner or later he will explode the kettle. From the outside, for other people it will look like an unexpected, violent outburst of emotions “out of nowhere.”

It happens that people are convinced that it is possible to be angry if your feelings are justifiably hurt - in addition, it is permissible to punish the offender if you are able to do so. Such beliefs, combined with the emotion boiling inside, push towards destructive behavior - aggression. Aggression means not only physical attack, but also verbal attack: swearing, calling names, raising your voice. There are also hidden views aggression, such as deliberate passivity or sarcastic comments.

Anger, like any other emotion, positive or negative, is not good or bad. It simply arises in response to how we assess the situation. Anger problems occur when anger occurs too often, too intensely, and disrupts daily life and relationships. We boil water in a saucepan or kettle several times a day, letting the steam escape and controlling the heat, and this is an absolutely normal situation. But if the kettle boiled unexpectedly, on its own, so much so that it immediately exploded, that would be a problem. Or if a boiling kettle attacked those present, trying to pour boiling water over everyone.

If you notice regular or intense outbursts of anger and want to deal with them, then the following exercise is likely to be useful to you. Please note that you may not be able to do it during the actual attack of anger, because the strong emotion blocks thinking. You need to choose a time when you are more or less calm, no one will distract you. In the next critical situation you will remember the most important thing from this exercise. Especially if you practice several times. Such exercises are like playing the guitar: if you just think about playing the guitar, you will never learn how to do it. To play, you need to actually pick up the instrument and start plucking the strings.

Step One: Realize You Have a Choice

Anger encourages aggression. We don't always control the emotion, but what we do with it is what we control. Think about what the consequences of aggression will be? Do you really want these consequences? Are they leading you in the right direction? Will your relationship with the person make you better? If not aggression, then how can we behave differently in order to protect our interests?

Step two: find the rule

Find a “should” rule that has been violated. Words like “must, must, need, must, should” will help you discover it. What exactly went wrong? Who doesn't behave the way you think they should? What do you demand - from yourself, from another person, from the world? Let's call what we discovered “hot thoughts.”

Step Three: Cool Your Mind

Respond to the hot, angry thoughts you identified in the previous step in a more measured, healthy, cool manner. For example:

• Hot thought: How is he Dare you say that to me! He Not has the right to contact me!
• More thoughtful thought: Perhaps he thinks it will be better this way. Maybe he he makes a mistake also a person, but Not robot.

Step Four: Prevent Aggression

Think about what exactly turns thoughts into aggressive behavior. Look for explanations that allow or justify your aggression. For example: “He deserved it” or “Otherwise she will never understand” or “I don’t care anymore, I’m furious.” Such thoughts are like scammers who trick us into doing something that we may later regret. They do not act in our best interests, on the contrary, they push us to throw away moral principles - and make a show of threats, accusations, shouting or even physical attacks. Remind yourself what your retribution will be if you go along with these scammers. Is this what you really want?

Step Five: Calm the Body

Learn to calm your physiology. Anger makes our heart beat, our muscles tense, our blood pressure rises, our breathing quickens. This is an ancient automatic mechanism that helps prepare the body for fight or flight. To calm down, you need to give the opposite “command”: deliberately relax muscle groups that are tense, or slow down your breathing. In a few minutes everything will gradually pass.

Due to stress, health problems, dissatisfaction with life, we sometimes become aggressive. Then it becomes clear: “We need a vacation!” But what if you can’t take it? – Relax in the hands of a massage therapist?.. Count to ten?.. Oddly enough, banal proper nutrition reduces the risk of becoming aggressive. But how should you behave with those whose adrenaline is already pumping in their blood? In this material we will share the rules that should be followed when faced with aggression.

Why are we aggressive?

“A dog can only bite because of the dog’s life...” sang the characters of the famous cartoon. So it is - a person is not born aggressive, nor malicious. His environment makes him this way; he often makes himself this way, unable to cope with this difficult life.

Let's try to figure it out in more detail. Here is one of the definitions: “ Aggression- motivated destructive behavior that contradicts the norms of human coexistence, harms the targets of attack, causes physical harm to people or causes them psychological discomfort.” In other words, aggression destroys the carrier himself and the world around him. Why, despite sad consequences, is there so much of it around us today?

What makes us be aggressive?

The society in which we live is like a bus full of passengers rushing along an endless road towards an unknown destination. That is, everyone inside, of course, has their own goal, but fellow travelers are forced to move towards it along the same road and in the same vehicle. And they travel, occupying seats of varying comfort: someone is lounging on a soft bed on the second floor of this hypothetical bus, someone is leaning back in a comfortable chair, someone is sitting on hard but durable chairs, and someone is standing holding the handrails , and already very tired. There are also those who lie side by side on the cold floor in the passage. And the bus is picking up speed. At the same time, the road along which he moves varies in quality and terrain - potholes, sharp turns, ascents and descents. This does not add peace and convenience to passengers.

If we leave the allegory aside, then to a large extent our behavior patterns are dictated to us by life itself. Its rhythm is so fast that people don’t have enough time to stop and think. The competition for seats at least on durable chairs, not to mention comfortable chairs on that bus, is very high, and there are many more applicants around than there are comfortable “places in the sun.” And then many begin to decisively and harshly use their elbows, taking out accumulated fatigue, jealousy, fear, greed and envy on fellow travelers and neighbors in life, at the same time trying to take away what the other got by chance, as they think, and not by fairness.

The reasons should be sought in childhood. Severe parents, lack of love and positive emotions, especially under the age of five, authoritarianism in the family and in small groups such as kindergarten and the child’s yard environment leaves him no choice - he can only assert himself with the help aggressive actions. Also resistant aggressiveness is a consequence unfavorable conditions personal formation and identifying oneself as a member of society. The lower the level of human development, the more aggression he shows in relation to those whom he identifies as “undeservedly found to be superior” - this is a clear example of envy.

Aggressive people adapt to the world around them, trying to impose their dominance on others and forcing those they meet to give way to them - this is how self-doubt and fear of being pushed aside from any benefits, spiritual or material, are manifested.

Adrenaline stimulant and destroyer

Experts - psychologists and neurologists - claim that constant feelings of anxiety and fear provoke the development of cardiovascular diseases with a high risk of early heart attacks and strokes. And a person who envies others has a chance of having a heart attack two and a half times faster than someone who reacts to the successes of others calmly or with joy. Jealousy significantly increases the imbalance of hormones in the human body, and self-doubt and self-humiliation, which are also one of the main reasons aggressive behavior– the likelihood of cancer. A greedy and domineering person is more likely than others to have serious problems with the digestive tract - even bulimia or anorexia, which pose a serious threat to health.

Any aggressive person is constantly under stress. He is tense, sees enemies in almost everyone and is ready to attack and defend himself even where this is not at all required, and therefore the level of stress hormones - adrenaline, cortisone, norepinephrine, thyroxine - remains at a consistently high level and imperceptibly destroys the body of the “aggressor”.

Adrenaline is a powerful hormone, under its influence the muscles tense, preparing to “fight or flee.” It raises blood pressure and heart rate, and stops digestion as blood drains from the stomach and intestines and flows to the muscles. If the stress is short-lived, then the adrenaline rush is useful, but when constant stress excess hormones enter the body continuously - after all, the carrier of aggressiveness lives for years in anger at the whole world.

The feeling of one’s own insignificance, fear and anger are the feelings that accompany the unfortunate person every day. High levels of adrenaline that do not decrease over a long period of time cause high blood pressure and increased heart rate to become commonplace. And this is extremely harmful for the body: the sugar content in the blood increases, blood clotting increases, which leads to thrombosis, the load on the thyroid gland increases, and more cholesterol is produced. Long-term exposure to all these factors literally kills.

Tell me what you eat...

Not long ago, American scientists found that, in addition to psychological and moral factors, certain foods can also increase aggressiveness in a person. For example, trans fats (surrogate oils) contained in mayonnaise, margarine, French fries, chips, ketchup, popcorn, cakes, pastries, waffles, donuts, crackers, fried semi-finished products, ice cream, concentrated broths, dry soups

After studying 1,300 volunteers, half of whom were fed “harmful” foods, scientists found that trans fats can actually cause changes in behavior, making people overly irritable. Participants in the experiment who consumed trans fats experienced emotions of varying intensity - from ordinary impatience to real unmotivated aggression.

Many also believe that people who eat meat are more aggressive than those who eat only plant foods. The controversy surrounding meat-eating and vegetarianism has not subsided for years, but it is foolish to think that if we do not use meat for food, we will become less aggressive and more moral. Our aggressiveness has much deeper roots than it might seem at first glance. Being aggressive and having adopted vegetarianism, a person deprived of familiar and satisfying food is likely to become even more aggressive than before.

How to deal with an aggressive person?

Before All that matters is correct internal installation. Don’t allow yourself to think: “How dare he talk to me like that?” - these thoughts will only prevent you from hearing your interlocutor. Instead, tell yourself to remain calm and reassure yourself that you can handle the situation.

Use correct language bodies. Stay straight and as open as possible, telling yourself: “I am absolutely calm, I have the situation under control and I can solve this problem.” Breathe deeply. Maintain eye contact and quietly move your body towards him. You should also imitate his body language if possible, but if he's waving his fists in your face, you probably shouldn't imitate him. It’s just that if a person is talking while standing, you should also stand, and if he is sitting, sit down too.

Now you need to listen carefully to what they tell you. In a state of anger, rarely does anyone manage to express their thoughts clearly. An angry person needs to let off steam first. Give him this opportunity and don’t interrupt. Let him speak completely. He still won’t hear any of your arguments until he cools down. Start asking questions only when he has expressed everything that is boiling inside him. Your voice should sound confident, that is, be even and restrained: do not shout or babble.

Don't give in to him even a millimeter: he knows exactly what impact his behavior has on people and is used to winning by sowing fear. Stay calm and the attack will be thwarted. There is no need to be indignant, much less make excuses. Try to move the conversation to a more specific, down-to-earth and logical plan.

Give your aggressive interlocutor time to calm down and force him to justify his behavior.

Look for ways to defuse. An aggressive person enjoys being in opposition. By not confronting him and agreeing with his position, you will confuse him.

Don't let a person get his own opinion, if it is wrong. Guide him to the correct understanding of the situation persistently, calmly and gently.

If he still refuses to change his behavior and continues to shout and make trouble, you should set your own condition, for example: “If you don’t stop talking to me in a raised voice, I will ask you to leave.”

In general, people react differently to stressors and perceive the same problems: what unbalances one person may not even be noticed by another. There is nothing surprising in this - we are different. And instead of telling a person: “I don’t understand why this made you so angry and upset, it’s a mere trifle!”, Try to understand and accept the fact that each of us is unique. And then you can easily cope with the aggression of anyone traveling through life on the same bus as you.

Have you ever found yourself thinking? “These traffic jams are annoying!!!”, “This queue has no end!!!”, “The children are screaming terribly loudly, when will this end?”, “I’m annoyed by my husband, neighbors, colleagues, dog, even the fact that the traffic light takes so long to light up! " Yes, today we will talk about how to get rid of aggression and irritability. Nowadays, many people face this problem. Sometimes people think that some people lose their temper for no reason, they scream and get nervous for no reason. But nothing happens for nothing. For some people, the techniques we will consider will be completely new.

Don't be so quick to judge people who behave aggressively. There are many reasons that cause sudden attacks of anger, anger, and aggression. But whether a person wants to change and fight his irritability or not, that’s another question. Often people do not understand where they have so much anger; they are glad to get rid of it, but do not know how.

In a person who is overcome by negative emotions, the pulse quickens, the heartbeat increases, the voice and movements become sharp. This condition is characterized by tingling in the neck and shoulders. Flashes of rage appear in the eyes. As a rule, a person does not experience such emotions for long. But many people manage to do stupid things during this time.

So what is the reason for this condition:

• Physiological reasons are often not taken into account. A person becomes more irritable if he has some kind of illness. For example, diseases of the gastrointestinal tract, hormonal imbalance in the body, lack of necessary substances in the body, or a feeling of hunger.

Women are a completely separate issue. For them, the cause may be PMS, although it has already been proven that if the body functions well, then mood swings will be minimal during the period of PMS.

• Psychological reasons are lack of sleep, stress, overwork. This also includes depression, although the cause of depression is mainly physiological abnormalities.
• Any irritant can cause an aggressive state. Remember this situation: you woke up in a great mood, left the house with a smile, and then someone was rude to you on the subway, your mood is ruined for the whole day. And there are a great many such irritants around us.
• Heavy workload can also cause irritation. For the most part this applies to women. Now is the time when the fair sex is busy all day and often does not have enough time even to sleep. They wake up in the morning, go to work, then to the store, then household chores, and again everything in a circle. The family requires attention, we need to get everything done, but we can’t give away some of the household chores, because we think it’s better to do everything ourselves. Many reasons follow from this. These are lack of sleep, overwork, depression due to monotony, oppression. But other family members can experience the same thing.
• An aggressive state can also occur during an argument. Even if you are a balanced and calm person, you can be provoked by others and cause negative emotions. You need to be able to cope with any situation, so the techniques described below will also suit you.
• High expectations often cause despondency. Inflated expectations of others or oneself. Most people will feel negative if plans are disrupted. You may give in if you dreamed of losing ten kilograms, but only managed to get rid of two. If you expected from yours, as you thought, loved one support in difficult times, but he turned his back on you.
• There is an opinion that aggression is a long-standing instinct. Since ancient times, such behavior contributed to survival, the struggle for territory, and improvement of the gene pool.

Tips for dealing with aggression and irritability

1. No matter how paradoxical it may sound, there is no need to accumulate irritation within yourself and suppress it. Emotions will not disappear anywhere, they will accumulate and find a way out in the form nervous breakdown, imbalance and psychosomatic illnesses. It’s not for nothing that they say that all diseases are caused by nerves.
2. Learn to accept people as they are. After all, unjustified expectations are often an irritant. This doesn't just apply to your family, friends or colleagues. First of all, this concerns yourself. To avoid disappointment from unachieved goals, set yourself realistic, achievable limits. Learn to accept and love yourself.
3. Think positively and learn to take only joyful moments out of any situation. You may ask, how can you think positively when there are only problems around? Whether it's a problem or an opportunity is up to you to decide. Any situation can be turned in your favor. About 4 months ago I watched the wonderful film “Polyanna,” I recommend it. He will teach you to see the positives and benefit from any situation.
4. Rest often and you will get rid of fatigue. As we have already said, the cause of irritation can be heavy workload. If on weekends you relax with your family in nature or at the theater, and on weekdays you get good sleep, then you will work more efficiently and get more done. In addition, you can divide household chores among all family members. Then you will have more time for communication and relaxation. Don't forget to leave some time for personal space.
5. Take care of your health. Both physically and mentally. In addition to fatigue and lack of sleep, the cause of irritation can be psychological trauma or depression. The reason may lie deep in a person's soul. In such a situation, the most important thing is to realize that there is a problem and begin to solve it.

Techniques for combating aggression

The first thing to do is to realize that there is a problem and find the cause of the outbursts of aggression. When you find an irritant, and this could be a person, a situation, you need to accept what is happening. It is important to understand that accepting a situation does not mean agreeing with it.

Emotions should find their way out naturally. But there are situations when this is unacceptable. Try to be alone at such a moment and find a way out of the emotion you are experiencing.

Be aware of your body during this technique. If any muscles are contracting, intentionally squeeze them even harder, intentionally intensify your emotion for 2-3 minutes. Next, change your position to the opposite one, but specifically continue to feel negative emotion. Within a few minutes, unwanted emotions will leave you. The exercise can be done several times in a row.

Another great technique is laughter. Take time to laugh, just like that, for no reason. Laughter must be alternated with emotions that bother you. The technique helps to release negative emotions well.

You can use the suggested techniques and advice if you feel that there is a problem with aggression and irritability, or you can contact a specialist. The most important thing is not to sit still and solve the current situation.

Aggression does not necessarily mean war and tanks. Much more often it is a constant dull dissatisfaction with this or that, which breaks out in sudden, almost unmotivated outbursts.

If you happen to “growl” at your partner or child, if “those hens from work are already annoying you with their stupid jokes,” if salespeople who are too slow drive you crazy - in a word, if you are familiar with aggression first-hand, this article is just for you .

The words about a drop that overflows the cup of patience are, of course, true, but not the whole story. First, it’s worth understanding what aggression is and why it is needed.

Protection, jealousy and love: why is aggression needed?

(based on the book “Aggression” by L. Conrad)

The fact is that every living creature needs a certain size territory to live and feed. If another bear appears within the boundaries of the bear's property, they will have to divide the territory. If there is too little space for two, they will fight. This is how aggression saves us from overpopulation.

What about reproduction and love, you ask? If we are inevitably aggressive in the presence of another individual, how then does a man in a family get along with a man, or a bear with a she-bear? Aggression never goes away. It is redirected and... intensified.

It is for this reason that the mother bear, who is usually not very aggressive, will selflessly protect the cub. Aggression towards a stranger is complemented by redirected aggression towards the cub - whoever meets the mother on edge will have a hard time.

According to the apt and poetic expression of the scientist Monika Mayer-Holzapfel, a partner in love or friendship is “an animal equivalent to a house.” This is where aggression-jealousy originates: for other individuals, a black eye under a wife’s eye is the same as the Great Wall of China.

Let's summarize.

1. Aggression is normal.

2. It increases in case of overcrowding (too close contact with too many people).

3. It is useless to “squeeze” and hide aggression. Aggression needs a way out, and it will find it.

4. You can make aggression safe by redirecting it.

So what should I do? (practical guide)

Grounding

Aggression increases due to crowding, and nothing can be done about it. Or not? The most severe fatigue is usually transport fatigue.

What to do? Try leaving home 15 minutes earlier. Agree to shift your work schedule by half an hour. Get to work without public transport, but by car. Finally, move closer to work, school or your beloved grandchildren - you are not a tree.

If your aggression has other reasons, try to “ground” it. The simplest and affordable way“grounding” - any contact with nature. Even a fifteen-minute walk during lunch or a short stop on foot will make you calmer and happier.

Sometimes “domesticated” nature is enough - dogs, cats, replanting and watering indoor plants. Fire and water help remove negativity and cope with aggression. Take the proverbial bubble bath by candlelight and see how true this statement is.

Discharge

No matter how well grounding works, aggression needs to be discharged. You can make aggression safe by redirecting it.

The easiest way to redirect is to hit the bag and throw darts. Sports are much more effective. Sports tournaments were invented as a civilized replacement for fighting. Sports, and especially team games, allow you to unleash and curb the ancient demon of aggression.

Any other games, even harmless board games, are also the first assistant for those who want to cope with aggression: Games in a non-traumatic form simulate more serious situations and help to cope with them.

Just like sports good sex defuses aggression. Try something new, add a little intelligence and talent to your experiments, and the transformed impulse of aggression will become a source of joy for you and your partner.

A great healer, laughter, can also help you cope with aggression. Watch a couple of videos with George Carlin, read the detective story by Joanna Khmelevskaya

Another assistant to a tired and confused person is art. If you don't know how to paint watercolors, make a funny sandwich. Cook the compote, imagining that it is a magic potion, like in the cartoon about Asterix and Obelix, which will give you strength. Blind, cut, sew, knit, glue, write whatever your heart desires and get pleasure from it - aggression will melt in it without a trace.

Transforming aggression is actually a very interesting activity. Treat aggression the way it deserves - as an additional resource, a reserve of strength that you will definitely learn to manage.