Who influences us and how. Environment. How does our immediate environment influence us? How to change a person's environment? Why is it important to surround yourself with images of success and joy?

I once heard the following phrase: “Everything affects everything.” I'm thinking! And then they told me or I read somewhere: “Your environment affects you.” Those. the social circle with which you are constantly in contact has a huge influence on you. Perhaps you didn’t even suspect this or don’t attach any importance to it, but it’s true! The power of influence of our environment on us is HUGE! And this influence does not always help us. From the moment I heard this, I began to observe it in myself. And you know - this is really true! I was deeply amazed by this.

Hmm. Where can you find these richest and most successful people around you?

Have you ever thought about how other people shape your life? The influence of those around us is so powerful, so subtle and constant that often we cannot even imagine how much it affects us.

Let's think about this. If you are surrounded by people who are mostly hired workers, then what are your chances of becoming a successful entrepreneur? Or people who completely spend all their income, then you have a chance to become a wasteful person. Or if you are surrounded by people who don't read books, your chances that you won't do it either increase.

But this influence can go even further. If you are surrounded by people who believe that there is nothing wrong with deceiving others a little, then they may also convince you to bend some rules. People slowly lead you astray, until one day, 10 years later, you ask yourself: “How did I end up in this position?” And this moment, I think, will not be very joyful for you.

I want to tell you my memories from childhood and youth. For quite a long time I grew up and hung out in groups where the main activity was to smoke cannabis and drink vodka. And in such an environment, I myself almost became an alcoholic or drug addict. Many thanks to my father, who even in those years discouraged me from doing all this. However, most of my friends at that time ended up drinking themselves to death, becoming drug addicts, etc.

To avoid wasting time in the company of people who are not suitable for you, ask yourself 3 questions:
1. What kind of people do I spend my time with? What kind of people am I among?
2. How do they act towards me? What are they doing for me?
3. Is communication with them useful for me? I like it?

After answering these questions, evaluate the time you spend with each of your acquaintances, is it positive and constructive, or the opposite? If you find it difficult to answer, then think about these questions:
- What did these people advise you to read or listen to?
- Where did they recommend you to visit?
-What did they make you think about?
- How did they influence your conversations, feelings, etc.

There is also one more, I would say, “control” question that will help you: “Do my current acquaintances help me move and grow in the direction that I have chosen, setting a goal for myself?”

Are there people who judge you for your Dream, are there people who want to steal your Dream? It is very easy to allow the influence of others to shape your life.

After you have done such a mini-analysis of your environment, you, dear Reader, will have the following question: “What should I do if there are people in my environment who really do not contribute to my growth and movement towards my goal?”

There may be several recommendations:
First, you can simply break up with them. Although I probably used the word “simple” in vain. Sometimes this is far from easy, especially if it concerns members of your family or close friends. Of course, in some cases it is impossible to do this at all, but try to limit communication with such people to a minimum.

It's easy to stay mediocre person, all that is required is to spend most of your time on insignificant things with insignificant people.

Secondly, it may turn out that 90% of it will be necessary to give up communication with your environment. Whom then to communicate with? To do this, you need to expand your communication. Those. meet and spend more time with the right people. Who are these right people? It depends on your goals and objectives. In my opinion, these are people who think about the meaning of life, live every minute with purpose and balance, constantly improve personally and spiritually, etc.

Some may find it difficult to make acquaintances with such people. I'll tell you how I do it.
When I decided to create my own business, I became a partner in Glorion Holding. The holding quite often organizes all sorts of training events. And so, I went to one of these events, called the Leaders Forum. It was in February of this year, in Egypt. There were more than 400 people there, as well as the founders of the Holding and the President. This gave me the opportunity for 10 days to communicate with people who have achieved a lot in this business. I received a boost of motivation, energy, and learning. Thus, all this time I was surrounded by the “right” people for me.
And in fact, thanks to this business, my circle of “right” people is constantly expanding.

Likewise, if you want to improve your health, find those people who have excellent health and who constantly maintain it. Sign up for a fitness club, swimming pool, etc. For example, I just recently started doing yoga. I enrolled in a yoga school and practice there. And in turn, I expand my acquaintances in this area, communicate with people who have been involved for a long time, they give recommendations, give advice, advise.

In the same way, from any other field you can find the “right” people who will best contribute to your growth and advancement.

To conclude today's episode, I want to tell you a story about a little bird. She cried, covering her eyes with her wing. The owl asked her: “Are you crying? Why? Because a big bird pecked you in the eye?”
And the little bird answered her:
“No, I’m not crying because a big bird pecked me in the eye. I'm crying because I let her do this."

It’s easy to let circumstances shape our lives and let others decide for us where we should go. Let others live unworthy, but not you. Let others argue over trifles, but not you. Let others entrust their future into the hands of others, but not you.

Dmitry Miroshnik

Where does unreasonable hostility towards people come from? Take relatives, for example. Deep down in our souls, we clearly understand that our loved ones love us and are concerned about our well-being. However, working with them can be difficult, if not unbearable! They interfere with our lives, give unsolicited advice, and undermine self-esteem with various petty niggles. Individually, they are all nice people, but if you get together, you will definitely quarrel, remember each other’s grievances, throw mud at each other, after which you will receive the title of the most ungrateful bastard.

And it’s not a matter of bad upbringing; aggression doesn’t come out of nowhere! Hidden manipulators skillfully penetrate our brain, play on pain points, and then bulge their eyes and pretend that you made it all up. Beneath a virtuous smile there is often hidden the most murderous message, which unconsciously gives rise to internal complexes in us and increases the feeling of futility and guilt. Do you want to understand how our environment neuroticizes us? We will talk about hidden violence, for example, the 3 most common forms.

3 types of hidden violence

1. Manipulation of the victim's perception

“You got it all wrong, don’t exaggerate!” “Stop projecting your neurosis onto us.” “You just haven’t had that experience.” And a thousand more reasons in favor of the fact that you are the only inadequate person here. Similar view psychological pressure works on the principle of convincing the victim that all her negative feelings are connected only with herself - her fatigue, inadequate perception of reality, prickly character or psychological disorder. It is not the people around you who behave badly, testing your trust and draining your brains, it is you who misunderstand their words and actions. Such suggestion leads to only one thing: the victim convinces himself that constant humiliation and aggression from the outside is a normal phenomenon, there is something wrong with him.

2. Devaluation (criticism, labeling)

How to subjugate a person’s will without being exposed? It’s simple, if you convince the victim that having your own opinion is not good, experiencing a different palette of emotions is a real crime! You can also instill shame in her about her actions, so that she constantly makes excuses for the unique manifestations of her life. How to do this for sure? Devalue a person’s emotions, cruelly ridicule his plans for the future, criticize the way he dresses, speaks, and thinks. “Only down-to-earth people dream of such trifles”, “Do you seriously consider yourself talented?”, “You’re not soft enough for a woman.”

If you want to go further, you can complicate it psychological attack, bombarding a person with inappropriate remarks, denying trust and acceptance, invading personal life, disseminating unpleasant information, demanding that they meet their expectations. “Tell me your password, we are family now.” “It’s a shame that I have such a daughter!” “Why don’t you rejoice at my gifts, don’t you respect me?” It is difficult to discern aggression in such phrases, however, it is there. They are trying to deprive you of the right to your own vision of the situation, to subjugate your will, to force you to play by someone else’s rules. What is this if not violence?

3. Withholding love and support

This type of hidden violence manifests itself when we are neglected, our importance is denied, and our responsibility is refused. A simple example: a man refuses financial support to his pregnant wife because it is “his” money; parents do not take into account the child’s tastes when decorating the nursery, because they “know better”; mother comes to visit her adult offspring without warning and taking into account their capabilities, including the “yam” mode. There are a lot of similar stories - from refusal of sex to suffocating care.

An important parameter of hidden aggression is close person does not take into account your desires and needs, acts selfishly, at his own discretion, showing dissatisfaction if you do not meet his requirements. It is very easy to put pressure on children who are physically weaker, to wipe their feet on a person who has lost their health, their job, or is carrying your child under their heart. They are vulnerable, dependent, and therefore the most suitable victims.

Alas, falling under the spell of a hidden tyrant, the victim does not always understand what is happening. After all, they care about her, they wish her well! So what if her needs are not taken into account, it doesn’t matter that the consequences of this “care” destroy her from the inside. Maybe she really is not so valuable and good? Maybe she should really shut her mouth and listen to older, more experienced people? This is how self-esteem slides below the baseboard, a person turns into an amorphous and dependent creature without an inner core. All that was needed was to delineate the boundaries of what is permitted in time, not to allow “virtues” to invade your territory and tell you how to live. Be attentive to your loved ones.

Many have wondered whether the people with whom they spend most of their time influence them, and if so, how exactly? And most importantly, how can you use knowledge about your environment to your advantage? Let's look around and carefully study the people who surround us.

Our life to some extent depends on our environment, moreover, it is our environment that dictates the rules of life to us and changes it. Even if we take animals, for example: their shape, color, habits and size are determined by their habitat. Likewise, people’s behavior is determined by the environment in which they live. It’s not for nothing that they say: “Tell me who your friend is, and I’ll tell you who you are.” Research shows that if you take the ten people closest to us, that is, those with whom we spend the most time, it turns out that our income will be very close to their approximate monthly salary.

Since ancient times, there have been a large number of proverbs and expressions on this matter, which very clearly reflect the state of affairs: “To live with wolves, howl like a wolf,” “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” According to psychologists, every person has an environment that they are not able to change or influence. These are our parents, language, area of ​​residence, and then our education, social status, profession, etc. In general, everything that we have had so far is all the past that is not under our control.

But fortunately, by working on the present, we can change our future. To do this, you first need to analyze: exactly how your close people influenced you in childhood or adolescence so that you now find yourself where you are. Maybe from childhood your parents and teachers convinced you that you need to study well, graduate from some prestigious institute and only then you will be able to get a job. Good work and receive a high salary. But now you and I know that good studies and higher education not enough to become a millionaire. Moreover, many successful people admit that they studied poorly at school and were never able to finish higher education. educational institution. But their classmates, who graduated from school with a gold medal, never found a decent job.

Or maybe after 11th grade you all decided to enroll in the same institute. This does not mean that your parents, teachers or childhood friends are bad people, there is no need to question them human values and quality. Also, you don’t need to give up on them, continue to love them and appreciate them for having them, but you don’t need to listen to their advice regarding business, much less follow them. The exception is acquaintances who have achieved something in business themselves.

Why are we so inevitably influenced by our environment? The whole point is that from the very early childhood Every person is capable of learning only through imitation. Therefore, if we surround ourselves with people who complain about their lives, who are unhappy with everything and always, then we ourselves will soon become the same. And if you fill your environment with spiritual, rich, constantly developing and successful people, then we will be forced to comply with them. According to psychologists, the life of any person is more than 90% determined by the examples that they have before their eyes every day.

Create your own environment that will radically impact your life. Start today to carefully and consciously create and choose your environment, ignore those people who drag you down, prevent you from growing, and can steal your dream of prosperity and happiness. Communicate only with those from whom you can learn something, because only such people, sometimes without even realizing it, will raise your life to a new level.

Have you ever wondered how your environment greatly influences your success, personal life, luck? Look around you, who surrounds you? What is your job? Or what's going on in your family? Even seemingly harmless neighbors can seriously affect your success.

What determines our life?

What do you think determines our capabilities?

What determines successes and failures, achieving goals, quality of life in general, self-realization, amount of money and whether we are able to enjoy it?

Some believe that everything is predetermined in advance - by genetics and the character developed in childhood, others believe that everything depends on chance, and still others place responsibility on the knowledge that they possess.

According to research, at least half of our success or failure is determined by our environment. Thus, the role of interpersonal communication can be called key. And the same knowledge, for example, changes our lives by only ten percent.

Your immediate environment

Therefore, if you want to know your capabilities and prospects, just remember who you communicate with most: your family, friends and colleagues, maybe those with whom you go to fitness or dance.

Who says what to you, what mood does it radiate? Are these the people you would like to be like?

Good practice– make a list of several people who make up your main social circle – from five to ten names. And see what quality of interaction each of them provides.

It’s common for them to be sad, happy or complain, maybe they are workaholics or, on the contrary, wasters of life?

These people and their qualities define you and your thinking. It is impossible to be joyful in the company of depressed whiners. And it’s very difficult to whine yourself if there are only successful and purposeful people around.

In addition, you may find that you are very comfortable with some people, uncomfortable with others, and neither.

Types of Interpersonal Communication

Communication can be roughly divided into three types: enriching, borderline and toxic.

Toxic- with complainers, people who are always dissatisfied with everything, who do not value themselves or others, with people addicted to unpleasant habits, such as alcohol.

We almost always have a great sense of what is toxic for us, feeling tired, negative, and empty afterwards.

Why do we often communicate with such people for years?

As a rule, we want to feel good by helping a perpetually unhappy girlfriend or supporting a friend who still can’t get a job. Or we are afraid to look bad, “abandoning a friend in trouble.”

In fact, good friends are made not in trouble, but in joy. If you know how to be happy for a person and see that he is ready to be happy for you, this can be called a friendly relationship. But when we are nearby, only if something has happened, there may be hidden reasons for this.

A common motivation for friendship with the “unfortunate,” which people don’t really like to talk about, is the desire to assert oneself at their expense. If you catch yourself doing something like this, this is a reason to think about yourself and your self-esteem.

If you help, then you should also consciously answer the question - is your help really needed? Or is the person simply seeking attention and trying to avoid responsibility for his actions?

Border communication– neutral, usually with colleagues, neighbors, business partners. It is important that it is to the point. If you are not connected by spiritual affinity or common interests, then there must be a business approach. Otherwise, such interaction is just a hole into which energy and time go.

And finally enriching communication.

These are the people who move you forward., their example inspires you, you like their space, they are happy for you. It is very simple to understand whether a person enriches or devastates.

Listen to your feelings. If you feel that after meeting him you always feel bad or are in a bad mood, you don’t need to deceive yourself that bad weather or unfamiliar food is to blame: your interlocutor makes you feel bad.

Or vice versa: you talked with someone, and you felt full, felt good and happy, although you just discussed some situation or didn’t even talk about anything specific. This means that the field of a particular person influences you in a favorable way. Easy to recognize. And you must make sure that there is much more such enriching communication in your life than any other.

How to change the environment?

A natural question arises: if I understand that there are a lot of toxic people around me or people who don’t give me anything, how can I change this?

The Universe has a property that greatly helps us in our development: it does not tolerate a vacuum. Therefore, for something new to appear, you need to make room for it by getting rid of the old.

Don't be afraid to be alone.

Firstly, other people, events and opportunities will definitely come to fill the vacated place.

And secondly, It is not necessary to abruptly cut off all ties at once. This can also be done, but such a radical option is not suitable for everyone.

You can gradually end old connections and build new ones that inspire and delight you. Your desire for change, your intention will attract new people and repel those with whom you are no longer on the same path.

Other ways to change your environment

Happens, transition period turns out to be too long, and it’s hard for us to overcome previous trends that still repel positive people.

You also somehow attracted the environment that you have now with a certain state. Because you and I are always in attraction, we are always attracting - and here main question- whom.

In this case, you can use mediated communication (although it's worth using anyway).

Surround yourself with images of successful, interesting, inspiring people. Now, with the development social networks, this is especially easy. Read books and interviews, watch shows, subscribe to Instagram or a video channel.

Even if for some reason you don’t communicate with anyone in person, this virtual contact will have the right effect on you. For some, collages with photographs of those who have achieved success or developed the necessary qualities help, for others it is better to listen to programs - see what works best for you.

And here you need to choose those whom you would like to be like. To do this, you need to understand what qualities you would like to develop in yourself, what exactly you want to receive. Or what skills are important to you - then you need to contact professionals in a particular field.

And just don’t think that you will rob them like that, which is what suspicious people sometimes fear. This is an energy exchange that benefits both you and them. They receive the energy of your attention when you tune in to them, and you receive the necessary vibrations, everything is fair.

Ten inspiring people

After you write down five to ten people who influence you now, try writing a new list of ten people you would like to be like.

These could be your friends or famous personalities, it doesn’t matter. The main thing is to have specific images that will become a guide. And you can imagine yourself in their place, imagine how they behave, how they feel, how they experience the qualities that you would like to have.

They will move you in the right direction, their vibrations will influence you, you will synchronize with them.

If you, say, lack self-confidence, imagine someone who is very confident, how he feels from the inside, how he reacts to situations.

This does not mean that you will become the same as him, do not be afraid of losing your individuality. You will still be yourself, but this experience will show your subconscious that a situation of self-confidence is possible. Experience is very important, you simply can’t do without it.

How it works?

Why is it important to surround yourself with images of success and joy?

Why isn't it enough to just strive for them?

In order for the subconscious to “allow” us to achieve something other than what we have now, it must see that it is not dangerous, perhaps normal, and so on. It constantly protects us, cares about our well-being and will not take risks. And until you come to an agreement with him, nothing will work, unfortunately.

Those who surround us daily show our subconscious examples of how things can be. Through pictures of success, joy, luck or professionalism, you will show yourself every day that everything is achievable. And the path will become easier.

Hybrid communication and assistance

There are times when communication is difficult to classify as enriching or toxic, because it is one way today and another tomorrow.

There really are people who seem to be unable to make up their minds, and either act inspiring or infect you with negativity. Here it is important to rely on your feelings.

It is you who should know better whether a pleasant conversation with a person today is worth the negativity that he gives the next day. Often we are simply afraid of not finding new contacts, feeling the need for interpersonal communication, and therefore we downplay unpleasant moments. But, as you can see, there will be no emptiness, and by breaking old ties, you will definitely find new ones.

It is possible and even necessary to communicate with people who are worse off than us, whom we can help, but only if they ask, that is, there should be no unsolicited interference. Otherwise, you will simply throw away energy into nowhere, destroy your life, and you won’t help them either.

What not to do

I would like to say a few more words about breaking ties. Try to do it as environmentally friendly as possible.

It is advisable to leave the interaction with gratitude, or at least acceptance of what was given to you. If you feel negativity towards people from whom you “grew”, it only means that you have not fully grown.

Negative relationships are built by two people. You were also part of a toxic interaction, and most likely did not have the best influence on the other participant either.

So let go and walk away with as much gratitude as you can.

Click " Like» and get the best posts on Facebook!

Just think about this figure!

70% of our success is our environment.

This is what you need to remember when yet another childhood friend tries to whine about how hard life has become. Or when your parents shake their heads when you live your life and not theirs. What to think about when it becomes clear that the child seems to have gotten involved with the wrong company out of idleness or because he has no other options left. You always need to understand what kind of global changes a simple change in the company can lead to - sending you to a sports club, transferring to another school or somewhere else.

70% is a lot.

This is very important and definitely shouldn’t be ignored. And it’s worth working hard on this moment in your life.

The environment is a thing that pulls you out on its own.

You can hardly move, change almost nothing in your life consciously, on your own, and life will still change.

Because the attitudes in your head will slowly transform, new ideas and desires will appear that are different than before. Focus will shift to other goals. I wrote about this effect in my post “How the hundred-day environment helps you reach out and increase your capacity.”

Peter Osipov (video below) has just such a “theory of rivers”. About the fact that when you are in the context you need, in the river you need, you can even try to swim in the other direction, but the river will still drag you along with it.

“Any immersion in a team completely changes a person’s interests, tastes, and views, even if he was a stable person. You can change in as soon as possible, and if you are looking for these changes, you need new friends, a new team.

Support Group - good way cope with any addiction. This is the basis for the beneficial effects of AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) and other similar groups.

You need to use friendship while being aware of its powerful influence and look for friends who you really want to be like. Never be close friends with those whose lifestyle and views you do not like, only with those whom you would like to reach out to.”

Andrey Parabellum:

“I have said many times that if you put together a dozen people with whom we spend most of our time, and divide all their achievements, successes and problems equally, you can predict with great accuracy that this is exactly where you Most likely you will find yourself very, very soon.

If you haven't already."

I really like Peter Osipov (Business Youth) and especially what he has come to lately.

There was a cool video from him about the power of the environment. Finally, someone has so clearly laid out everything about how it works.

Here is a quote from this video, which you can (and should) watch below:

“There are only 2 ways to develop:

The first method is similar to barge haulers on the Volga who are dragging huge ship development behind us, which make a lot of effort, rely on their strength, their willpower to take a step forward. The problem with this strategy is that, relying on personal strength, willpower, it ends very quickly, it is not enough for a long time.

And there is a second path of development, which does not involve a large amount of personal effort., and which involves being in the context that develops you. Let's imagine that you are in a certain river, and you must swim from point A to point B. That is, if you are now in the wrong river, and the river flows in the opposite direction than you need, then you need to make an additional 200 -300-1000% effort to overcome the river current.

If you are in the flow that leads you in the direction you want, then you need to make no effort at all to swim towards your goals. You can even sail in reverse side. Still, the general current of the river you are in is stronger than your personal effort.”

Receive daily short posts on the topic of self-development and personal effectiveness, life improvement: