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People with special sensitivity to. Highly sensitive people: how to live and feel good if you are them. Why single out highly sensitive people when introverts already exist?

People with special sensitivity to. Highly sensitive people: how to live and feel good if you are them. Why single out highly sensitive people when introverts already exist?

Published with permission from New Harbinger Publications

Scientific editor Tatyana Lapshina

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the copyright holders.

Ted shares with readers insightful insights, fascinating stories about how highly sensitive people cope, and great practical tips for how they can support their body and spirit. But the main thing is that it forms an attentive, respectful attitude towards hypersensitive people. We were lucky enough to attract his attention.

Anyone familiar with my work will probably notice that Ted and I look at many things differently, and perhaps this will change your view of them. It is of great importance to understand that, despite the similarity of the nervous system, we solve problems and relate to what is happening differently. The more reasoned opinions, the better - and Ted's point of view is worthy of attention.

Elaine Aaron

Introduction

“When will the neighbors finally turn off the music? She drives me crazy. I can't stand her anymore." - "What music? I can't hear her. The noise shouldn't be that annoying. There's something wrong with you."

There's really no need to worry if you're sensitive to noise, smells, bright lights, have a hard time with crowds, rush, and are unable to ignore stimuli. You're just one of the 15-20% of people who are called hypersensitive. This quality probably creates a lot of problems for you, for example, a tendency to lower your self-esteem if others say that you are not like everyone else. Or anxiety and tension when you have to communicate with cheeky, hostile people. You also find it difficult to pull yourself together when faced with constant stimuli throughout the day. This book will teach you a variety of ways to survive and thrive in a world of non-HSPs who are less afraid of aggression and overexertion. By using the strategies suggested here to manage your difference, you will appreciate your sensitivity and all the benefits of being an HSP.

The book is not only intended for hypersensitive people. She will teach those who do not fall into this category how to support their sensitive friends and family. Additionally, the coping strategies I share can help anyone experience peace of mind more often.

Why I wrote this book

I specifically remember that I started experiencing anxiety and insomnia when I was in fifth grade due to overcrowding at school. I couldn't ignore stimuli and became anxious when I was in a noisy classroom. By seventh grade school life became even heavier. I was constantly stressed and could not concentrate in class. My parents took me to a psychologist to figure out why I “reacted so strongly to everything” both at school and at home. Unfortunately, the doctor, who was not one of the hypersensitive people, did not understand me and reproached me for being excessively irritable.

Twenty years later, while pursuing a PhD in psychology with a specialization in stress management, I discovered that my inability to ignore stimuli was the root cause of my anxiety. Trying to fit into an aggressive world only increased my stress. So I made important changes to my lifestyle: I started suppressing my excitement, sticking to a workout schedule that suited me, changing my diet, and practicing relaxation. I also learned to appreciate and accept my sensitivity. The knowledge gained during my postgraduate studies led me to research in the areas of nutrition, meditation and holistic medicine for hypersensitive people. Based on them, I conducted stress management classes with medical staff in hospitals and colleges. Now I teach survival strategies to highly sensitive people and am ready to share it with readers. The methods I describe are effective for both my hypersensitive students and me.

What will you learn

In the book I will share with you what I have learned as a hypersensitive person and psychologist. I’ll tell you about the study of the concept of “hypersensitivity” in a dynamic, crazy world. I'll introduce practical methods and strategies for HSPs to succeed in life.

You'll learn how society reinforces HSPs' negative self-perceptions, how to appreciate your sensitivity, and change habits that disrupt your peace. I will talk about meditative exercises that can help you stay focused and calm, and I will teach you how to create a daily routine that promotes a calmer attitude towards external stimuli.

The book provides ways to influence your feelings and combat haste. You will learn how to maintain physical health through diet, exercise, and some aids.

Overexertion is closely related to sleep, so we will focus on adjusting sleep phases. You will also learn about innovative relaxation techniques that will improve it. You may not have considered how being an HSP affects your relationships. This is an interesting and very important aspect of the lives of highly sensitive people. Special methods harmonious communication with relatives, friends and colleagues will be a pleasant addition to the arsenal of a hypersensitive person.

We will discuss the unique challenges HSPs face in today's competitive work environment and how to cope with this stress and explore techniques for change. unfavorable conditions and creating a calm working atmosphere.

You will understand how your natural proclivity for deep feelings can help you experience inner peace. I will tell you how to develop your subtle mental organization and realize the benefits of your life.

We'll look at frequently asked questions by HSPs about how to deal with difficult situations. For example, how to tolerate noise, get along with ill-mannered neighbors and colleagues with a difficult character, and behave with relatives who ignore your sensitivity. And you will get practical solutions. is a self-healing guide for hypersensitive people.

Now that you know why I wrote this book and what it is about, it is time to begin the journey to peace of mind.

Chapter 1. Introduction to the concept of “highly sensitive person”

“I can no longer deal with the stress at work. A colleague at the next table discusses something at the top of his voice all day, and the boss demands that I strictly adhere to deadlines. At the end of the day I feel like a squeezed lemon, I’m nervous and I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.”

“Everyone in my family is passionate about adventure, but I prefer to stay at home. I think there’s something wrong with me because I don’t go anywhere after work or on weekends.”

Do you know this feeling? If yes, then you may be a hypersensitive person.

Do people say that you are too emotional and take everything to heart? Don't think that there is something wrong with you. You may be what is called “highly sensitive.” The thing is that this is your personal perception of reality and it’s hard for you to live differently. In psychology, this phenomenon is considered quite normal and there are characteristic signs that help identify hypersensitive people.

1. Sensitivity is 100%

Perhaps this is the most important distinguishing feature of such people. Their brain works differently and seems to catch all sensitive waves. That is why they take all information very seriously and, as it were, pass it completely through themselves. The emotions of such people are very vivid and almost tangible.

2. High level of intuition

Often, highly sensitive people can determine that something is wrong with their loved ones. It is impossible to hide experiences from them. It's like they read people right through them. This is because their sensitive channel is very well tuned and is able to detect any, even minimal, changes.

3. Independence

Highly sensitive people do not like team activities. They study/work best alone. They are able to quickly figure out something new on their own.

4. Flattery for good

Honestly, this can hardly be called flattery, but such people have an important point - they always want to please everyone. But this is not because they have high self-esteem. The point is different - they want everyone around them to feel good. They are afraid to imagine that they could hurt someone. Negative emotions destroy their sensitivity. That is why they are very courteous with everyone and often help people.

5. Observation

The brain of highly sensitive people works like a scanner. He reads all the information, notices even minor nuances, which, by the way, are important in their life. It is impossible to deceive such people, as they can easily sense fake emotions.

6. Perfectionism

Some may think that this is too much, but this is the nature of hypersensitive people. Perfectionism literally runs through their veins and forces them to do everything perfectly. This is important for them, as they are trying to maintain balance in life, as well as avoid destruction of any kind.

7. Emotions in the palm of your hand

The level of sensitivity of such people is so great that it is difficult for them, and sometimes they don’t even want to restrain themselves. If such a person wants to cry, he will do it. Highly sensitive people consider this natural and are not ashamed of their reactions.

It’s unlikely that anyone likes being shouted at. In the case of hypersensitive people, everything is more dramatic - they cannot stand it. Sharp sounds generally frighten them. They prefer peace. Screaming only blocks the perception of the situation.

9. Endless creativity

Such people are constantly in a creative storm. They receive so much information that they instantly transform it into some kind of creative process. Moreover, the brains of highly sensitive people can work on several levels at once, which is why they are often interested in several things.

10. Ahead of everyone

For hypersensitive people, “trends” are just a word. The point is that their level of sensitivity allows them to predict trends. Intuition helps them to stay ahead of everyone. That is why many cannot fully appreciate their tastes, and sometimes do not understand them at all. Of course, until they themselves fall under the wave of “trends”. Meanwhile, highly sensitive people are already opening new doors.

“You're too sensitive! You react too much to everything!” - if you have ever heard such words addressed to you, perhaps your interlocutors are right, and you really are not like other people. You are one of the highly sensitive people - the 15-20% of the population who have a very finely tuned nervous system. I also feel acutely and am hosting the first Russian-language podcast about this phenomenon.

According to the theory of the founder of highly sensitive people, American psychologist Elaine Aron, sensitive people analyze information more deeply. They have a more active insula of the brain, where all information about environment and the internal state of a person. They have increased empathy due to more mirror neurons - brain cells that help us understand the experiences of another person, for example, crying while watching a movie if the main character is feeling bad. They are more sensitive to nuances, better at noticing details and are able to detect the slightest changes in the environment.

Highly sensitive people are more sensitive to noise, lighting, smells - for example, sitting next to a person who smoked a cigarette ten minutes ago, a sensitive person may feel as if they were stuck in a smoking room. They get tired of being around a lot of people, although not all highly sensitive people are introverts.

It is important to understand that hypersensitivity is not a disease or a sign of bad character, but a set of inherited genes that are designed to help the survival of the entire species. For example, the most sensitive horses run along the edges of the herd and as soon as they notice danger, they change behavior, thereby warning the entire herd about it. That is, high sensitivity is a useful signaling tool. Problems arise if we ignore these signals.

Don't ignore sensitivity

Since childhood, with the best intentions, we are often told that we shouldn’t take everything so personally. As a result, highly sensitive people begin to believe that there is something wrong with them and try to suppress their sensitivity. This happens especially often with men. Despite the fact that high sensitivity occurs equally among men and women, society does not encourage sensitivity in men. Having heard enough suggestions in childhood “don’t cry, you’re a man!”, the boy grows up embarrassed by his sensitivity and puts on a mask of hypermasculinity or suppresses sensitivity with alcohol and an unhealthy lifestyle.

Another unsuccessful adaptation strategy is avoidance. Sensitive people often try to avoid conflict or potentially overstimulating situations, usually at the expense of their own psychological boundaries. For this reason, they are often considered weak or unintelligent - when in fact, these people simply analyze for a long time before taking any action, and do everything so as not to upset others - because they feel their feelings so keenly.

Elaine Aron has shown that highly sensitive people do better than others in situations where their sensitivity is respected and supported, and in teams with a positive emotional background, but perform worse when their sensitivity is ignored, or in companies where a negative emotional environment prevails. If in childhood the parents allowed the child’s sensitivity to simply be, then, as a rule, such a person achieves a lot, because he understands the emotions of other people and understands what approach to them is needed.

From surviving to thriving

If you recognize yourself in this description, congratulate yourself: you survived and adapted without knowing anything about your sensitivity! Now is the time to move from surviving to thriving and learning to truly use your gift. I offer six simple strategies on how to do this.

1. First of all, understand and accept that everything is fine with you.

There are 1.4 billion people like you around the world. Nature does not hold anything superfluous, and if sensitivity continues to be passed on from generation to generation in people and animals, then it is needed. Give yourself permission to be hypersensitive, the world needs your gift.

2. Realize that most people perceive the world differently than you do.

80% of humanity sincerely does not understand why the smell of food in the workplace, loud music or air conditioning bothers you, and may not even notice what affects your well-being and productivity. Colleagues may enjoy light stimulation in the form of constant music, without which they nervous system goes into hibernation. Explaining what sensitivity is to someone who does not have it is like trying to explain to a blind person what color is.

So learn to speak their language.

If you need time to recover after a meeting, don't say that you're tired from the abundance of information - say that you'll go away to write down your thoughts from the meeting. Or joke that you need to warm up with a cup of tea after a chilly conversation with a client. People are afraid of the unknown, so use humor more often and do not focus on sensitivity: no one is obligated to treat you differently simply because you are a sensitive person.

3. Avoid negative people and companies.

Sensitive people are very influenced by the mood of others, and they tend to take on other people's problems. If you constantly deal with negatively charged people, such interaction will drain you much more than the average person. If at your work someone is constantly criticized, accused, offended, such a team is contraindicated for you. Look for a more professional company - there are many of them.

4. Give yourself time to reflect and rest.

Accept the fact that you need more time to make decisions (after all, your brain processes more information) and rest than others so that your nervous system has time to recover. Don't schedule multiple meetings in a row. It is ideal to alternate between socializing and working alone. Organize your schedule so that you can be without external stimulation several times a day - sit in a quiet room, or better yet, take a walk in the park. Ideally, you should set your own schedule and make it your work priority. Many highly sensitive people choose to start their own business precisely so they can have control over their daily routine.

5. Be sure to regularly visit nature

Think about when you felt full of energy, joyful, with the desire to do something necessary? I'm willing to bet it had something to do with being in nature. As in Avatar, sensitive people draw strength from nature. Try to make weekly trips out of town part of your routine. Have a variety of plants in your office and home.

6. Nourish your soul.

Highly sensitive people are not interested in just making money; they are interested in being part of something bigger. If your job is routine and just pays the bills, start a hobby that helps you make a difference in the world.

You can go somewhere as a volunteer. Many sensitive people are interested in art and literature or work in creative fields. It is important to stop repeating the beliefs of others that “it’s all stupid if it doesn’t bring you money,” and find time for activities that feed your soul. How have case With highly sensitive

person

Despite their bad reputation, sensitive people can be excellent employees and friends. They are very responsible, independent, attentive to details, they always think about how the other person is feeling. When dealing with highly sensitive people, keep in mind that they may react to many things that you do not react to. Accept that This is not their fantasy, but that they really experience the world.

They are not necessarily “crybabies,” but they can cry, seemingly out of the blue.

Sensitive people quickly get tired if they are bombarded with a lot of information at once, so give them time to “digest” it. If one of your employees constantly asks permission to work from home or spends more time away from their desk than at it, it is possible that they are not shirking from work, but are simply a highly sensitive person and are trying to find balance in this way. If your child is hypersensitive, do not judge his sensitivity, but help him learn to cope with emotions and express them in a constructive way - for example, through drawing or dancing. A strict regime and psychological boundaries will also help a lot with this. Make sure your hypersensitive child doesn't have the computer on all the time—he needs rest, even if he doesn't realize it yet. Keep in mind that a sensitive child is greatly influenced emotionally by his family and school environment. So, if your child suddenly starts to get too tired or cranky, find out what’s going on in his environment - maybe he’s “caught”

Highly sensitive people who had normal childhoods are no different from others, and even, according to research, are slightly happier than those around them. So take care of your hypersensitive child, or your inner child if you yourself are a highly sensitive person, and you will be the happiest people you can be!

You can take the sensitivity test developed by Elaine Aron for free on my website.

Editorial opinion may not reflect the views of the author.
In case of health problems, do not self-medicate, consult your doctor.

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Do you know who they are highly sensitive individuals? Or maybe you, without knowing it, are such a person? Read on and you will learn a lot of interesting things!

6. They feel good alone

They like to be alone because it allows them to be alone with themselves and their emotions.

Therefore, they are usually referred to as introverts. This is likely due to hypersensitivity, which makes it more difficult for them to interact with the outside world.

7. They know how to sacrifice themselves

They always want to help other people and make their lives as easy as possible. High sensitivity brings awareness that they can make the world a little better.

8. They sometimes cry, sometimes they laugh.

Highly sensitive individuals live in a world of emotions and are able to switch quickly. That's why they can quickly let go of overwhelming, heavy thoughts and look at the world in a new way.

9. Thoughtful and responsible

That is why they work well in a team and successfully achieve all their goals and objectives. If you are working on a project with such a person, consider yourself lucky. He will give 100% of his work to the common cause.

Do you feel like your reaction to things is stronger than others? Do you worry about how other people feel? Do you prefer quiet rather than chaotic environments?

If the above applies to you, then you may be very sensitive. The personality trait—which was first researched by Elaine A. Aron, Ph.D., in the early 1990s—is relatively common, affecting one in five people. Aron wrote many works and books about oversensitivity, including such as Highly Sensitive People, has also developed a test () to help you determine if you are a highly sensitive person.

Although in Lately interest in introversion - driven largely by wide-ranging publications on the subject, including Susan Cain's book Silence - has brought more interest in personality traits than the meanings of less stimulation and greater sensitivity, Aron noted that highly sensitive people also tend to be considered " minority."

But "minority" doesn't mean it's bad - in fact, a highly sensitive person combines many positive characteristics. Below are some common features inherent in all sensitive people.

1. Their feelings are deeper

One of the hallmarks of highly sensitive people is the ability to experience deeper feelings than their less sensitive peers. “They like to perceive things on a deep level,” Ted Zeff, Ph.D., author of “The Survival Guide for Highly Sensitive People” and other books about highly sensitive people, tells HuffPost.

“They are very intuitive and can go a lot further to figure things out.”

2. They are more emotionally responsive. Highly sensitive people react more strongly to situations.

For example, they will be more sympathetic and caring about a friend's problems, Aron says. They may also care more about other people who have been the victim of negative actions.

3. They are used to hearing: “Don’t take everything so personally” or “Why are you so sensitive?” Depending on the culture, sensitivity may be perceived as a valuable contribution or negative trait , Zeff explains. In some of his studies, Zeff says that highly sensitive men from different countries countries he worked with - such as Thailand and India - were rarely or never teased, while men from North America

teased often or always. "So many of them are very cultured - the same person who said 'in certain cultures this is considered a valuable contribution.'

4. They are used to working alone

Highly sensitive people tend to avoid being on a sports team where there is a sense that everyone is constantly monitoring the other's actions, says Zeff. In his studies, the majority of highly sensitive people surveyed preferred individual sports - cycling, running, hiking - rather than group sports. However, this is not a universally accepted rule - some highly sensitive people had parents who instilled in them the understanding that it would be easier for them to become involved in group sports, Zeff reports.

Highly sensitive people are more knowledgeable and detailed in their decision-making, says Aron. Even if it is not a “right” or “wrong” decision—for example, it is impossible to choose the “wrong” flavor of ice cream—highly sensitive people will tend to take longer to choose because they are weighing every possible outcome.” Aron advises: “Think as long as the situation allows, and ask for more time if you need it,” she writes in a recent issue of the Comfort Zone newsletter. “During this time, try to claim a minute, an hour, a day, or even a week that will help you get on the right path. How does it feel? Often, on the other side of the decision, things look different, and this gives you a chance to more vividly imagine that you are already there.” One exception: One day a very sensitive person comes to the conclusion that in this situation the right decision

this will appear, and in another situation this will appear, and in the future he or she will quickly make these decisions.

6. They are more frustrated when they make “bad” or “wrong” decisions. Can you imagine how you feel when you make a bad decision? For highly sensitive people, "these emotions are magnified because their emotional activity is higher,"

explains Aron.

7. They are extremely detail-oriented

Highly sensitive people are the first to notice details in a room, new shoes you put on, or changes in the weather.

8. Not all highly sensitive people are introverts. About 30 percent of highly sensitive people are extroverts

referring to Aron. He explains that many times highly sensitive people who were also extroverts grew up in a tight-knit community—whether in a cul-de-sac, a small town, or with a parent who worked as a priest or rabbi—and so interacted with a lot of people.

9. They work well as a team Because highly sensitive people are deep thinkers, they are valuable employees and team members.

, says Aron. However, they are well suited for those command positions where the final decision does not need to be made. For example, if a highly sensitive person is part of the medical team, he or she is valuable in analyzing the pros and cons of the patient being operated on until someone else ultimately makes a decision about whether the patient needs surgery.

"If you have enough bad experiences, especially early in life, that you don't feel safe in the world or feel confident at home... or at school, your nervous system is too 'anxious,'" Aron says. But needless to say, all highly sensitive people will continue to worry - having a supportive environment can go a long way towards protecting them from all this. Parents of highly sensitive children, especially, need to "understand that these are truly great kids, but they need to be kept on track," Aron says. “You can overprotect them, but you can’t underprotect them. You have to titrate them when they are young so they feel confident and have a good time.”

11. An irritating sound irritates a very sensitive person even more.

It's hard to say that anyone is a fan of annoying sound, but highly sensitive people are even more sensitive to chaos and noise. This is why they tend to be more depressed due to being too active work, says Aron.

12. Violent movies are the worst.

Because highly sensitive people sympathize even more and get irritated even faster. Violent or horror films are not their thing, says Aron.

13. It’s easier to make them cry.

That's why it's important for highly sensitive people to put themselves in a situation where they don't feel upset or somehow "wrong" to cry easily, says Zeff. If their friends and family realize that it is simple - that they can easily be made to cry - and support this form of expression, then "easy crying" will not be seen as something shameful.

14. They have good manners

Very sensitive people are also very conscientious people, as Aron says. Therefore, they are likely to be attentive and have good manners - and always notice unscrupulous people. For example, a highly sensitive person may be more aware of where his cart is in the store—not because he's afraid someone might steal something from it, but because he doesn't want his cart to get in the way of someone else. .

15. For highly sensitive people, the consequences of criticism are greatly amplified.

Highly sensitive people have a reaction to criticism that is more intense the less sensitive the person is.

People may say something negative [and] a non-HSP (highly sensitive person) may say, “Never mind,” and not respond, Zeff says. But the OCCH will feel it very deeply.

16. Offices = good. Open offices=bad

Since highly sensitive people prefer to work alone, they also prefer a solitary work environment.