How to learn to accept the situation. Secret knowledge about a person Takes for granted what

How often do we get irritated! With or without reason. Slow movement of the line to the checkout, traffic jams, bad weather that changes all our plans, disobedience of children and much, much more. When we get irritated, we throw out negativity and, as a result, waste a lot of our energy. But for what? What we cannot change!

How same learn to accept not satisfactory to us situation, if we can't change it?

Acceptance means consciously admitting that something may not go the way we want, not the way we are used to, or not the way we planned. The opposite of acceptance is resistance or a negative attitude towards what is happening. For most, this model of behavior is more common, and we resist almost everything that goes against what we want.

But why do we resist? To some extent, we are influenced by our past experiences. For example, you are used to your parents always talking to you in a calm tone and, of course, you expect that this will be the case in the future. But one day you are faced with the fact that your parents have significantly raised their voice in a conversation with you. Of course, this is unpleasant for you and you perceive it negatively. Perhaps you even start shouting back, thus expressing your resistance to the current situation.

But resistance inevitably causes suffering.

Marathon runners have this slogan: “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is a personal choice.” When a person runs a long distance, sooner or later his leg muscles begin to ache. And here the runner makes a choice - either to suffer, focusing on the pain, or to switch his attention to something else.
It’s the same in life: you may find yourself in a situation where you were betrayed, abandoned, something was taken away, your plans and dreams were destroyed, and you were left alone with difficulties. Of course it hurts. But whether to suffer is your personal choice.
Of course, there are simpler situations where there seems to be no pain - traffic jams, a slowly moving queue, a person does not answer our calls and SMS, work colleagues are extremely slow, etc. However, these situations irritate us because we experience discomfort. This is unpleasant for us, we are trying to overcome the current circumstances. How? Our negative attitude, resistance - because we are not comfortable, and we suffer to some extent.

Of course, when we find ourselves in circumstances that are unpleasant for us or even very difficult, of course, we try to act. However, you can act in different ways - with acceptance of the situation or with resistance to it. Which option is smarter?
To understand what acceptance is (not to be confused with inaction), imagine scientists who make their calculations without taking into account the fact that gravity acts on Earth. Where there is no gravity, some things are, of course, much easier to do. But there is gravity on Earth - scientists take it as a given, which they cannot change and base their calculations taking this phenomenon into account.

So, treat all situations that you don’t like, but which you cannot change, as... scientists treat earth’s gravity - just take into account the current circumstances and act taking into account the changed situation.

Acceptance, like any other skill, can be trained, which means it can learn to accept the situation. How?

Step 1 – AWARENESS
You find yourself in a situation where something goes against what you want. You are unhappy. Become aware of this dissatisfaction within yourself. You can say to yourself, “I’m unhappy because such and such happened, and I wanted it to be that way.”
Why do this? The fact is that many people do not even realize what exactly irritates them so much in the current circumstances. Awareness is the first step towards understanding and accepting.

Step 2 – OBSERVATION WITHOUT EVALUATION
The essence of this step is to observe your thoughts and emotions without judging them as good or bad. It’s as if you look at yourself from the outside, allow everything that happens to you to BE, without doing anything about it.

Step 3 – PHYSICAL SENSATIONS
Pay attention to your physical sensations in the current situation - how you breathe, how fast your heart is beating, whether you feel a rush of blood to your cheeks, whether your head hurts, whether your hands are shaking, whether your cheek is twitching. What do you generally feel in your body?
Try to focus solely on breathing - concentrate on how the cooled air passes through the nasopharynx, descends into the lungs, how your chest expands, how you exhale warm air. About 5 minutes of such focused breathing is enough to calm down.

Step 4 – TURN ON YOUR BRAIN
Once you have acknowledged your dissatisfaction, observed your thoughts and emotions, breathed and calmed down a little, it’s time to ask yourself the question: “What is my goal for this day?” this moment and how can I achieve it under the current circumstances?”
Sometimes you will need to take certain actions to achieve your goal, and sometimes you will just need to do nothing, calm down and wait.

STEP 5 – GRATITUDE

Any situation is given to us for something. Even in the most insignificant, in our opinion, unpleasant situation there is something useful for us. Your task is to realize WHAT EXACTLY and thank the world for the opportunity to learn and work on yourself.

What will you choose? Decisions that affect your life Ben-Shahar Tal

55 Give in to emotions or Take emotions for granted

Give in to emotions

Taking emotions for granted

The curious paradox is that by accepting myself as I am, I have the opportunity to change myself.

Carl Rogers

When we experience strong feelings, we often feel like all we can do is either mindlessly give in to the emotions or suppress them. In fact, no matter how strong the emotions you feel, you are faced with two questions. The first is to accept or reject the emotion, suppress it or acknowledge that it exists. Accepting your feelings for granted does not mean that you will necessarily like your emotions, you just have to allow yourself to experience those feelings. The second is to immediately respond to emotions or give yourself time to think about how best to act in a given situation.

Active acceptance involves using both options: first, accepting emotions rather than rejecting them; secondly, do not mindlessly succumb to their influence, but choose the most appropriate strategy of behavior.

Last week I took my daughter Shirelle on a field trip to a bird sanctuary and my wife Tami went with our eldest son David to a friend's birthday party. Shirelle and I had a wonderful time, and when I got home, I showed Tami pictures of Shirelle with parrots and flowers - they turned out to be some of the most delightful portraits of our daughter. Seven-year-old David watched attentively as we oohed and ahhed over these photos, but did not say a word. I went upstairs to the office and returned a few minutes later to load the photos into the computer. However, the camera's memory card was empty. I realized that David had erased all the pictures. I was furious and ready to yell at my son, but then I remembered that in every moment of my life I have a choice, and I stopped. I quietly said to David: “I’m going to leave the room now because I’m so angry with you that if I don’t leave, I’ll explode.” I went to my room and spent several hours alone until I felt like I was back to normal.

David's action left me no choice how to feel. I couldn't help but be angry. But I still had a choice - how to act. I could explode and regret it later, or I could leave the room and think about what to do when the rage subsides. Later, when I had cooled down, I explained to David that jealousy is a natural feeling and that we all experience it from time to time, that his emotions were normal, but his actions were not acceptable.

As a parent, I have made many mistakes and will undoubtedly continue to make them, but in this case I think I did the right thing. David learned an important lesson because I showed him by example what behavior I expected from him.

When experiencing a strong negative emotion such as anger, hatred or jealousy, it is important to give yourself time to cool down a bit. Once you can think rationally again, you will have a choice about how to respond appropriately to what is happening.

From the book The Boy is the Father of a Man author Kon Igor Semenovich

From the book Let's start over, or How to see your Tomorrow author Kozlov Nikolay Ivanovich

Personality is not a given, but a given. I propose to see in personality not a given, but a given. Not what we already have, not past merits and sins, but what a person has to do, the task that a person needs to do. Situation: you have undergone psychological

From the book Pickup. Seduction tutorial author Bogachev Philip Olegovich

Passage to emotions The talent of an interlocutor is distinguished not by the one who willingly speaks himself, but by the one with whom others willingly speak. If after a conversation with you a person is satisfied with himself and his wit, then he is quite satisfied with you, Jean La Bruyère. We have already said many times that for

From the book Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman

Chapter 16 TRAINING EMOTIONS The main hope of the country is in the proper education of youth. Erasmus of Rotterdam In the fifth grade, the usual roll call was going on. Fifteen students sat in a circle on the floor of an empty room, and the teacher called out their names one by one. But the children are

From the book Resentment. Guilt author Orlov Yuri Mikhailovich

Childhood - learning emotions We learn to be offended in the same way as gestures, walking and using a fork. Resentment is a tool for controlling human relationships, which acts automatically. Resentment and psychosomatics: anger diseases, tumors, hypertension and women's

From the book 10 stupidest mistakes people make by Freeman Arthur

The path to your own emotions It is impossible to overestimate the importance human feelings. Emotions are the center of human existence. And yet experience shows: you turn to your feelings, you understand why you feel exactly this and exactly this way - but the pain does not disappear. Yes, we realize

From the book The Perfectionist Paradox by Ben-Shahar Tal

Open the way to emotions Imagine what would happen on the main street of the city if we were not ashamed of our emotions. Rude remarks are directed at the passerby who disturbed our aesthetic feelings; whenever our expectations are not met, we

From the book Flexible Consciousness [A New Look at the Psychology of Development of Adults and Children] by Dweck Carol

What a Fixed Mindset Leads to Leaders Unlike Alan Wurtzel, the leaders of the companies Collins used as a comparison group showed clear symptoms of a fixed mindset. Leaders with a fixed mindset (and all of them in general)

From the book Iron Arguments [Win, even if you're wrong] by Piri Madsen

Fixed Mindset Leaders in Action Iacocca: I am a HeroWarren Bennis, a leadership guru, has studied the experiences of many great corporate leaders.213 As all these leaders said, they never planned to become big bosses. They never put

From the book 7 myths about love. A journey from the land of the mind to the land of your soul by George Mike

Appeal to emotions We would live in strange world, if none of us were ever exposed to emotions. However, when this influence becomes a means of assessing the truth of evidence, it crosses boundaries, entering the territory of sophism. Emotions,

From the book Cooperation Instead of Coercion [Trust or Verify] author Kuznetsov Yuri Nikolaevich

From the book What Will You Choose? Decisions that affect your life by Ben-Shahar Tal

Why give in to fear? Fear is a very strong emotion that prevents cooperation. Do you often make decisions out of fear? “Of course, I should take this training, but I am afraid that I will not be able to achieve the desired results.” Do you often use fear to intimidate people?

From the book Thank you for your review. How to properly respond to feedback by Khin Sheila

61 Give In to Negativity or Always Stay Positive Wherever you go and whatever the weather, bring your own sunshine. Anthony D'Angelo Too often, when we wake up in the morning, we think, “Well, another day of many,” and create for ourselves

From the book How to find the key to solving any situation author Bolshakova Larisa

72 Giving in to Fear and Uncertainty or Moving Forward Despite Fear Courage is not just one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue in times of challenge. Clive Staples Lewis I look at my idols and feel like nothing. Immortal optimism

From the author's book

Shifting from a Fixed Mindset to a Growth Mindset With these simplifying labels out of the way, let's turn to another aspect of the self-identity process: Do you view your qualities and character traits as fixed, given once and for all, or are they subject to change and change?

From the author's book

11. How to learn to recognize manipulation and not succumb to it The topic of manipulation always attracts attention and arouses keen interest. We enjoy reading about the great schemer Ostap Bender and watching films about brilliant swindlers. But under no circumstances

GIVEN, and, female. (book). What is given, what is available, is objective reality. Ozhegov's explanatory dictionary. S.I. Ozhegov, N.Yu. Shvedova. 1949 1992 … Ozhegov's Explanatory Dictionary

Noun, number of synonyms: 4 God-given (1) reality (25) ... Synonym dictionary

G. What is available, what undoubtedly exists, but is inexplicable. Ephraim's explanatory dictionary. T. F. Efremova. 2000... Modern Dictionary Russian language Efremova

Givenness, givenness, givenness, givenness, givenness, givenness, givenness, givenness, givenness, givenness, givenness, givenness (Source: “Complete accentuated paradigm according to A. A. Zaliznyak”) ... Forms of words

given- a given, and... Russian spelling dictionary

given- (3 f), R., D., Ave. yes/nosti... Spelling dictionary of the Russian language

AND; and. Book What is available; reality, reality. Objective d. Such relationships are not fantasy, but d. Accept as d. someone, what. (humbly, without indignation, indignation) ... encyclopedic Dictionary

given- And; and.; book What is available; reality, reality. Objective yes/no. Such a relationship is not a fantasy, but a yes/no. Accept as yes/no someone, what. (humbly, without indignation, indignation) ... Dictionary of many expressions

given- really... Old Belarusian lexicon

given- yes/nn/ost/ … Morphemic-spelling dictionary

Books

  • The reality of life, Zarenkov Vyacheslav Adamovich. The stories published in this publication continue the series of life stories known to readers from the books “Sopromat” and “Notes of an Optimist” - about good and evil, loyalty and betrayal, sincerity and...
  • The givenness of life, Zarenkov Vyacheslav Adamovich. The stories published in this publication continue the series of life stories known to readers from the books Sopromati, Notes of an Optimist, about good and evil, loyalty and betrayal,...
  • Our language as an objective reality and as a culture of speech, Internal Predictor of the USSR. Speech and language are taken for granted by everyone and are used as a natural means of communication and information exchange. But are these their main functions? Since childhood, we know that in many fairy tales...

First of all, these words relate to the logical mind of a person. It is the logical mind of a person that needs to accept as a given the fact that this “our” earthly incarnation is built from the quantum potential of our experience (the mass of energies in mechanical activity - emotions based on the way of thinking and genetic histories) from our past earthly incarnations. The quantum potentials of the experience of the human Soul constitute a signature of the quantum state of a person, in which everything is taken into account down to the smallest detail. Under the signature of a person’s quantum state, an energy matrix is ​​connected, configured in such a way that the way of thinking this person corresponded to the main task (or program) that a person performs in this earthly incarnation.

The logical mind of a person needs to “accept as a given” the fact that through the material world God knows himself, and man in material world completes what was not completed by him earlier, cognizes the unknown (himself), and reaches a culmination in everything: in relationships, feelings, beliefs. A person achieves all this with the help of his own reaction (emotions) to the world of matter, to people, to relationships, to a way of thinking, etc.

The way of thinking of each person depends on his energy matrix. We can call it the human energy body or the most complex energy system variables, this is not so important. But the system is tuned in a certain way to the tasks and lessons that a person goes through in this earthly incarnation. It is impossible to change the system or reconfigure it.

BUT! There is a small "but!" and it emerges from the very definition of the name - the energy matrix. The energy matrix is ​​the human energy body, on which the way we perceive life depends and its properties do not change throughout our earthly life. Do you think a person, understanding and realizing the above, is capable of changing his way of perceiving life? Absolutely so! To do this, a person needs to change the angle of view on everything that exists, from which he previously viewed it. Anyone who thinks this is a simple and easy task is a buffoon and a madman.

I propose to consider the reasons why certain people are present in our lives, from father and mother, grandparents, to the neighbor who lives with us through the wall, or behind the fence that fences off “our territory” from the rest of the world.

All people, without exception, are elements of the realization of our own expectations. And among our blood relatives there is always a catalyst designed to activate all three spheres of the human being: the Sphere of the Spirit, the sphere of the Soul and the material sphere. There are no identical energy matrices. Each person is unique in his own way Divine essence. For those of you whose “Ego” shines with the most powerful flame of importance, learning and pride, I repeat:

All people are unique in their radiance. The presence in our earthly life of a huge number of relatives, friends and acquaintances, enemies and ill-wishers means that inner world man and his way of thinking is tuned to a variety of emotions and the achievement with each person of a culmination in this earthly incarnation. I realize what a storm of disagreement this information has caused among you. After all, with a logical mind it is impossible to accept the “involvement” of very smart, very respected, talented, educated, wealthy, “white and fluffy” people in alcoholism, drug addiction and various kinds of addictions of their own “offspring”.
How do the emotions of “white and fluffy” parents enhance the electromagnetic part of their light field, as expected? After all, the very statement that parents wish alcohol, drug or any other addiction to their child is considered absurd. Who was talking about desires here? But the “Ego” of the parents works impeccably and flawlessly, denying, condemning, neglecting, humiliating, blaming, etc. those who are alcohol dependent, drug dependent, etc. Similarly, the fear of alcohol addiction and a person’s “reluctance” to see all “this” in his life are triggered. By magnetizing the electromagnetic part of his light field with vibrations of the frequencies of such fears and desires, a person necessarily receives into his life an element of the realization of his expected.

Many of you are upset by the fact that your “other half” is missing from your life. Are you looking for your soul mate? A positive answer to this question means that you do not consider yourself a whole being, which in fact is true - you are a whole being! Do you have no one to rely on in this life? Do you have a leg injury and are unable to move independently? Do you want to find a back to hide behind? What have you done in life that makes you want to hide behind someone’s back? After all, I really want love and mutual understanding! Do you really believe that someone else can understand you when you don't understand yourself? Do you know that no one else but yourself can give you love and understanding? Because, as long as there are no vibrations of the frequencies of energies of self-love and understanding inside a person, until then he will not be able to receive them into his life. “What is missing inside you will never manifest in your life outside.” This is the Law of All Things. Take another look at the people around you. Rest assured, they are all elements of realizing your expectations. They are present with you until they reach a climax in their relationship with you and gain the necessary experience. They move away from you when the vibrational frequencies of your emotions no longer match the electromagnetic portion of their own light field. I repeat once again: - what does not exist inside a person (does not matter in a passive or active state) can never manifest itself in his life outside.

For example, debts exist in a person’s life not only as an indicator of his inability to manage financial resources and a person’s lack of adaptability to life, but also because a very acute sense of duty or a feeling of guilt and fear of not fulfilling this duty to someone vibrates in his Soul .

In order to understand with a person’s logical mind everything that you have read, you need to remove the “need for evidence” from it or start thinking differently with limitless thoughts.

People say that change is an incredibly difficult time. However, failure to accept change is even worse. Especially if you are a perfectionist and certain aspects of life are within your control. You can influence your lifestyle, career, relationships, appearance and behavior. You just need to make some effort. But what about those things in life that you cannot change? Can you learn to take it for granted and lead a happy, full life? And how to do this?

● Let go

If there is one thing in life that you cannot change, it is the past. You can't jump into your personal time machine and race back to rewrite history. The only way moving forward is learning to accept what happened as a given and draw the right conclusions. The worst thing you can do is hold on to the past and let it negatively impact your present. Instead, reflect on your past and mistakes. Ask yourself, what did you learn from this experience? What can you do differently next time? Just because you cannot change the events of the past does not mean that you cannot use the experience to change your present and future.

● Shift your focus to what you can change

Do you want to take for granted and ignore what you cannot influence? Shift your attention to what is quite real. It may be due to your appearance or deep-rooted habits, but with willpower and desire, everything is in your hands. Some of your features make you uniquely beautiful. Accept these not as flaws, but as part of yourself. The same applies to personal qualities. Are you a generous and friendly person? These are the things you probably love about yourself and don't want to change. But are you sometimes impatient and abrupt? Do you gossip and envy? So, focus on changing bad character traits. Make a conscious effort to adjust your . It's a matter of identifying (1) what you can't change, (2) what you can change, and (3) what you don't want to change.

● Learn to cope with change

Don't expect it to be easy to accept for granted what you can't change. However, try to somewhat transform your worldview, actively use coping skills and be positive. There are many events in life that we truly cannot control or influence. These include health issues, emergencies, and even simple things like the weather. Trying to “escape” these events is not the solution. Even if you can escape for a while, problems will still await you in the same place. Instead of turning a blind eye to negative events in your life, you need to find ways to cope with them and the emotions that accompany them. The best way To confront the things you cannot change and are most afraid of is to face them. By starting to accept and let go of certain situations in life, you can begin to live a truly fulfilling life.