How to get rid of feelings of fear and anxiety. How to overcome fears and anxiety? Advice from psychologists. What methods does treatment include?

06/01/2017 09:29:05, LudmilaNova

I'm always in a good mood))

I hope it helps me

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The fears and anxieties that people suffer often have little to do with real threat. In general, anxiety is a reaction to the dangers a person expects that may come from the outside. It is accompanied by tension, a feeling of constant discomfort and danger. Anxiety, unlike fear, which appears in response to real danger, mobilizes for action and often saves.

Anxiety and fear can be destructive and make it very difficult to lead a normal, healthy, happy and fulfilling life. Many people suffer from anxiety, which is a mental condition characterized by constant worries. They constantly think about how to get rid of fear and anxiety.

If a person simply feels trapped by feelings of doom or unhappiness, it is important to take appropriate steps to change their life and attitude.

Difficult experiences can prevent a person from living life to the fullest and realizing their full potential. To get rid of anxiety and restlessness, you need to fight this condition systematically and step by step.

Identifying problems

The first thing you need to start working on your fears is to recognize their existence as existing problems, and also realize their importance and impact on your life. You need to think about what circumstances make you feel very anxious. Every person has such situations. This could be the fear of speaking in front of a large audience, the beginning of communication with the opposite sex, the fear of being funny, uninteresting and boring, stupid or too smart, and many other experiences. You shouldn’t bury your head in the sand, you need to boldly admit your problems.

What will help solve the problem?

Don't be afraid of your fears

Overcoming fear is always very pleasant. This is a valuable experience and a victory over ourselves, which will give us new strength and optimism. Without stress and anxiety, life would be trivial, tasteless, like soup without spices.

Many events in our lives and even achievements can be caused by fears. The fear of being unrecognized makes an artist work hard and create great works, the fear of defeat makes athletes achieve high results in competitions, a musician, fearing to disappoint his fans, plays a lot, improving his skills. Fears can guide scientists, doctors and people of many specialties, stimulating them to take active action, win and achieve.

Therefore, fear is not only an obstacle in our lives, but also our opportunity and incentive.

Anxiety mobilizes Creative skills, enlivens our imagination and creativity, as evidenced by the stories of many prominent people.

How to get rid of anxiety, depression and irritability?

We need to conduct a thorough analysis of our lifestyle. Let's look at how we try to solve our immediate problems and how this affects the intensity of the anxiety and fears we feel.

Fear is a natural and necessary emotion for life, or rather an affective state. Healthy fear ensures self-preservation. This is a sign of intelligence and imagination, the desire to live. Justified fear, such as the fear of a fire caused by an electrical appliance being left on, is useful. Like pain, it alerts us to a possible or emerging problem. But what to do if fear is out of control and interferes with life? Read on.

Like any phenomenon, fear can be viewed from two sides, positive and negative:

• The negative power of fear is that, being uncontrollable or turning into anxiety, behavioral disorders and the like, it ruins the life of an individual.
• The positive power of fear is that it ensures development. Out of fear of ignorance, schools appeared, out of fear of death and injury in road accidents, mechanics are improving cars, fear of poisoning forces us to process and store food more carefully.

Differences between fear and anxiety

Fear is an emotion that is closely related to another one - anxiety. Sometimes these definitions can be confused. However, there are 3 characteristics that distinguish these concepts:

1. Fear is more specific, for example, there is a fear of heights. While anxiety does not have clear outlines.
2. Anxiety is a subjectively significant emotion. It is caused by things and values ​​that are significant for a particular individual. Anxiety arises against the background of a threat to the personality itself, its essence, and worldview.
3. When faced with anxiety, a person is often helpless. For example, if uncertainty during an earthquake causes anxiety, then a person is unable to influence it.
4. Anxiety is a constant phenomenon, fear is determined by a specific situation.

Specifics of fear

You can distinguish between real and false fear:

• We experience the first in critical situations. For example, when a car got into snow drift and is about to turn over.
• False fear - imaginary worries about what did not happen (“What if I get into a skid?”). It is precisely false fears that need to be fought.

When we experience fear, there is an increase in sensory attention and motor tension. That is, we are more actively observing and are ready to quickly run (act).

Uncontrolled and unprocessed fears turn into phobias and anxieties, which provokes neuroticism of the individual.

Signs of fear

Signs of fear include:

• anxiety;
• anxiety;
• jealousy;
• shyness;
• other subjective states;
• uncertainty;
• physiological changes;
• avoidance of the object of discomfort.

Causes of fear

Among the reasons are:

• self-doubt and other disorders;
• childhood psychological trauma;
• constant stress and frequently recurring critical situations;
• the instinct of self-preservation.

The last reason encourages normative fear.

As V. A. Kostina and O. V. Doronina note, fear can be hereditary. Moreover, women are more likely to have social fears, while men are more likely to have a fear of heights. Fear of heights, darkness, fear of doctors, punishment, and loss of loved ones is inherited.

Why is fear dangerous?

When fear occurs, a number of physiological changes occur in the body. The work includes the hypothalamus, pituitary gland and adrenal cortex. As a result of activation of the hypothalamus, corticotropin is produced. It in turn includes nervous system and pituitary gland. It triggers the adrenal glands and produces prolactin. The adrenal glands secrete cortisol. At the same time, adrenaline and norepinephrine are produced. All this manifests itself externally and internally:

• increase in pressure;
• increased heart rate and breathing;
• opening of the bronchi;
• "goose bumps";
• decreased blood flow to the organs of the digestive and reproductive systems;
• dilated pupils;
• release of glucose into the blood;
• rapid fat burning;
• increased acidity in the stomach and decreased enzyme production;
• shutting down the immune system.

That is, the body comes into tension and takes a low start.

In real danger, this allows you to think faster, see better, hit harder, run faster. But if the fear is imaginary and constant, then the body is not benefited by everything that happens to it at that moment. This is why psychosomatic diseases develop against a background of fear:

• stool disorders,
• bronchial edema,
• dyspnea,
• chest pain.

Thus, a vicious circle arises. For example, you are afraid of getting sick, but against the backdrop of fear you get sick. In addition, the more often you experience fear (stress), the less you can rationally assess the situation, which results in chronic phobias.

Don't say that you now have a fear of fear (that wasn't my goal). In any case, we’ll deal with him now. Read on.

The most popular fears: description and solution

One of the popular fears is the fear of death (your own or loved ones). This is the most ambiguous phenomenon:

• On the one hand, it can reach such proportions that a person will close himself within four walls and simply rewind the allotted time.
• But on the other hand, this is a normal fear that makes us look around when we cross the road.

There is only one way to cope with it - accept it. All people are mortal. There is no point in experiencing death several times in your thoughts and darkening your whole life with this.

Other popular fears include fear of others, of oneself, of time, and of fear.

Fear of others

The basis of fear is criticism, and yours first of all. To overcome this problem, try not to criticize, but to praise. It is human nature to project our shortcomings or problems onto others, that is, in people we notice and criticize what we do not accept in ourselves. And we seem to be playing ahead of the curve until they notice it in our country. That is, we are afraid that our shortcomings will be noticed. This also includes:

• pickiness;
• grievances;
• vindictiveness;
• unpleasant character traits (conflict, deceit, dishonesty, avoidance of problems, indecisiveness).

If you notice this in people and are afraid to experience it yourself, then you have probably already experienced it in yourself a long time ago. On the same basis, there is a fear of appearing funny, of falling under the evil spirit of someone. Solution to the problem: demonstrate yourself what you want to see in others.

Fear of yourself

We are talking about the fear of one’s own ailments, imperfections of the body, loss of strength, and the like. The solution to such a problem is to achieve harmony of the body, brain and soul. This is a very difficult and wide path. Simply put, this is getting rid of psychosomatics.

Learn to listen to your body and accept the fact that it is a system capable of self-regulation if it is not interfered with by imaginary fears. Have you ever said: “I don’t understand how I could do this. I won’t repeat it now on purpose”? Here is the answer.

Fear of time

Learn the “here and now” principle. Fear of time passing is often accompanied by self-flagellation due to postponing something for later or to the will of fate. You need to learn to act and take responsibility for your actions.

• Get rid of laziness.
• Understand the principle of “everything in its time,” but in the context of your fulfillment of your life plan and creation favorable conditions rather than waiting for the intervention of external forces.
• Scroll through situations in your head before doing something in practice (only with a successful outcome, of course).

Fear of fear

First of all, learn to call a spade a spade. Not “I’m nervous”, but “I’m afraid of something.” Basically we are talking about fear of the unknown. Read about overcoming it in the paragraph “From fear to freedom” of this article.

1. Learn to overcome your fears and use them for good. There is no need to be ashamed of fear, but you need to overcome it and resist. The optimal method in in this case- “wedge by wedge.” It is important to face your fears. If in alcoholism treatment begins with the acceptance (voicing, recognition) of the problem, then the correction of fears begins with a confrontation.
2. When working with fears, it is important to understand that it will not work out the first time. You must be aware that it will not be easy, but it will be worth it. In case of failure, have an alternative plan (people with fears are best at coming up with workarounds), but only use it as a plan B.
3. Pretend you're not afraid of anything. Imagine that you have to play a role on stage. After a while, your brain will believe that you really are not afraid of anything.
4. Fears about the future are least justified. You create your own future, so pay attention to the present. Fears about him are much more justified. By torturing yourself with something from the future, you ruin your whole life. You exist, not live.
5. Accept the fact that our life consists of white and black stripes, sometimes gray. Troubles, difficulties and uncertainty will often appear. The important thing is not to be afraid to face it, but to be confident that you can handle it. To do this you need to be the master of your life.
6. Most fears stem from childhood. But, firstly, a child and an adult perceive the same things differently. Secondly, often fear or disagreement with a specific person is projected onto the subject. For example, you have problems in your relationship with your parents, but you are afraid of the dark (you were once locked in a closet). Then there is only one solution - let go or discuss the grievances.
7. Have you noticed that fears are always directed to the future (even if they are based on the experience of the past), and fears develop due to the imagination? So why not redirect your energies, for example, into creativity? Learn to switch your attention. Realize that you are expending real physical, mental, and psychological strength working through future events that most likely won't happen. Don't you feel sorry for this?
8. Fear of the unknown is the most unjustified. You don’t yet know the object (phenomenon) itself, so how do you know that you need to be afraid of it? Give it a try. Haven't been on a plane? Give it a try. And then decide whether you will be afraid or not.

I would like to make a reservation that you should not rush headlong into the pool and neglect your safety. That is, living a full life without fears does not mean going snowboarding, getting hurt and remaining disabled. Living without fear means making your own decisions and taking responsibility for them, understanding all the risks and possible consequences.

The body is capable of self-healing. Your task is to bring him out of the state of eternal tension. And this is what relaxation was invented for. We are talking about conscious relaxation of the body, replacement negative emotions positive. But let me remind you once again that you only need to get rid of unhealthy fear.

Healing Plan

To overcome fear, you need to consistently solve a number of problems.

1. Replace faith in the bad (this is fear) with faith in the good. There is a recipe for everyone: some turn to nature, others to spirits, God, their own old pleasant memories.
2. Next, find support from someone and give it yourself.
3. Learn to listen to your body and trust your intuition.
4. Find the root cause of false fear.
5. Create your own recipe for courage. These are detailed aspirations (desires) and ways to achieve them. It is important to describe not only what needs to be done, but also what you can do.
6. Refocus your attention from the result to the process.

You can read about each of these points and how to implement them in L. Rankin’s book “Healing from Fear.” The work gives practical recommendations on meditation, finding inner strength, developing courage. For each element (beliefs, courage, search for reasons, etc.) a whole list of techniques with descriptions is presented. The author presented so many techniques in one publication that I think you will definitely find something for yourself there.

From fear to freedom

If you are still reading this article, then you are probably in constant captivity of your own fears and are looking for a way to freedom. Right? Well, he is. Includes 5 items:

1. Exit from the unconscious. Avoiding risk takes more energy than taking the risk itself. A person is driven by the thought “better security than regret.” In order to step over this step, ask yourself the question: is the comfort zone really what it is for you? Imagine who you could be if you didn't have fears.
2. Getting out of your perceived comfort zone. At this stage, a person is driven by the conviction that uncertainty is the only constant and clear thing in his life. That is, a person understands that he is infringing on himself, but remains in his old place. At this stage, it is important to stimulate yourself with praise. You are a brave person and will be able to get out of your zone.
3. At the third stage, a person is not afraid of uncertainty, but also does not seek it. Doubt more, be curious.
4. Search for the uncertain, the unknown, the new. Learn to see opportunities.
5. Acceptance of uncertainty as such (in the concept of peace). Realize that anything can happen, but every event has meaning.

The fifth stage is the final one. This is the freedom without fear that you need to enjoy. However, this is the most unstable stage. Your freedom must be constantly reinforced and supported by practice. Otherwise it's easy to lose it.

Emergency help

1. If fear takes you by surprise, then quickly find inner strength possible by switching attention. Having realized the fear, direct your attention to your brightest passion, desire. Concentrate on this. Want it so much that there is no room for fear. Even if the objects of passion and fear are from different “worlds”. Convince yourself that you will quickly deal with what scares you, and then do what you want.
2. The second way to quickly overcome fear is to imagine what it deprives you of. Usually people evaluate only one side: what fear saves them from. Imagine how fear clamps down on your potential, your individuality, your originality.
3. Practice self-hypnosis. Repeat daily in front of the mirror, “I am the master of my life. Everything that happens (both good and bad) depends on me. There is no place for fear, as well as meaning in it.”
4. If the fear is clearly defined, then thoroughly study all its aspects. Look him in the face. Find the positives.
5. The most non-standard and categorical method of struggle is worrying about the consequences of worries. This is a dubious method, but it exists. Imagine how the situation will worsen from your worries (after reading this article, you know what your body experiences during a period of fear). Oddly enough, the awareness of “playing against yourself” will calm you down. But I’ll say right away that this method is not suitable for everyone. You can go into even greater self-torture. Be careful!

Childhood fears

Despite the individual nature of fears (although, as we remember, they are not as subjective as anxiety), they are based on actual need age. Therefore, we can generally classify fears by age:

1. Up to six months - fear of sharp and loud sounds and movements, loss of support.
2. From six months to a year - fear of changing clothes, changing what is familiar, unfamiliar people, heights.
3. From one to two years - fear of doctors, injuries, separation from parents.
4. From two to three years - fear of the dark, parental rejection, animals, loneliness, nightmares.
5. From three to seven years - fear of insects, water, heights, fairy-tale characters, misfortunes, disasters, fires, school.
6. School period - fear of sharp sounds, death, physical violence, loss of loved ones. Along with this, social fears arise that persist in the future (fear of being late, not being able to complete a task, of being punished). If you don’t work through these fears, you will fear not living up to expectations and looking stupid; relationship problems.

Age-related fears are normative if the child does not drop out of life (sociable, open). They will pass on their own. But if a child avoids communication, is constantly afraid and worried, then professional correction is needed.

Children's fears can be imitative or personal in nature. In the first case – copying someone’s behavior, in the second – your emotions under the influence of difficult situations.

In addition, fears can be short-term (up to 20 minutes), fleeting (go away after a conversation), or prolonged (up to 2 months, even with correctional work).

Children's fears: what to do?

You can fight children's fears with the help of fairy tale therapy. As part of this, I recommend that you read the book by R. M. Tkach “Fairytale Therapy for Children’s Problems.” In the work you can find not only a description of the method, but also the material (plots) of the fairy tales themselves.

1. Don't shame your child for his fears, but ask about them. For example, what he saw, what it looked like, why it came.
2. Accept your child's fear and tell a real or fictional story of personal fear and overcoming it.
3. Do not lock your child in a dark room for punishment, do not scare him with Baba Yaga or the “evil uncle” who will take him away. This is a direct path to neuroses and fears.
4. Ask what your child is watching or reading. Discuss this together.
5. To overcome specific fears, use fairy tale therapy or ridiculing fears.

Ridiculing involves visualizing fear (on a piece of paper) and then adding funny (for a child) elements to it.

I also recommend the book by S. V. Bedredinova and A. I. Tashcheva “Prevention and Correction of Fears: tutorial" It presents many practical options for therapy with children to overcome fears. I don’t think it makes sense to list the methods here. The manual describes doll therapy, art therapy, a correction program, and much more (with indications and contraindications for each method, features of implementation). The phenomenon of children's fears themselves is also described.

Results and literature on the topic

Fear is the echo of the animal in man, the primitive. Previously, this emotion was justified even if it was constant. But in the modern world this prevents a person from living. The situation becomes even worse if fear is intertwined with anxiety, shame, guilt and other emotions.

The danger of fear is not far-fetched. It not only creates psychological discomfort, but also destroys the body on a physical level. In part, the phrase “Whoever is afraid of something will happen to him” is true. And we are not talking about the highest powers, attracting misfortunes and illnesses. The point is that, when experiencing fear, our body radically changes its functioning: an excess of hormones arises (with prolonged excessive influence they provoke imbalance and intoxication, destruction of organs), the digestive and reproductive systems fade into the background, the activity of the cardiovascular system gains momentum . A person can really get sick.

You need to get rid of fear (let me remind you, false fear). But only childhood fears can go away on their own. Adults will have to consciously break themselves, rebuild their belief system, challenge themselves constantly, and draw up an action plan.

I recommend reading another book: D. T. Mangan “The Secret of an Easy Life: How to Live Without Problems.” The author reveals his own concept, according to which we are a complex mechanism whose systems require passwords to enable or disable them. The book provides practical recommendations for restructuring your thinking, including getting rid of fears. To solve each problem, Mangan suggests using a unique password. These are the words to say in difficult situations. And from them, supposedly, the situation will turn in your favor. I haven’t tried this approach myself, so I can’t say anything good or bad. But in my opinion, the idea of ​​the concept itself is interesting.

In the fight against fears, as in any business, the main thing is the beginning! You yourself will not notice how it will become easier to fight. Gradually it will no longer be a struggle. Well, the result in the form of complete mental freedom is the highest reward. I wish you success in your fight against your inner demons!

Many people worry about the smallest things, even if nothing serious has happened. Such feelings bring nothing but anxiety; they destroy the nervous system. People who worry a lot cannot live full life. They are constantly tense and uncomfortable. By turning to psychology, you can understand the essence of these phenomena and get rid of them.

What is the difference between fear and anxiety

Fear and anxiety, both of these phenomena may seem the same at first glance. But in reality, they don't go hand in hand. If causeless anxiety destroys the nervous system, then fear, on the contrary, mobilizes the body’s strength.

Imagine that a dog attacks you on the street, a feeling of fear will force you to act, to take any action to protect yourself. But if you simply worry that the dog might attack you, it will make you feel bad. An excessive sense of fear also does not lead to anything good.

Feelings of anxiety can vary in degree, from mild to severe. This feeling of anxiety and fear for no reason may depend on the state of the body, on upbringing or hereditary factors. This is why there are people suffering from phobias, migraines, suspiciousness, etc.

Main Causes of Anxiety

In this condition, a person experiences internal conflict, which gradually grows and makes him feel bad. Certain factors contribute to this. Let's look at the causes of fear and anxiety:

• psychological trauma in the past,
• irritating actions,
• suspiciousness of character, when a person is not sure of anything,
• psychological trauma in childhood, when parents put too much pressure on the child, made excessive demands on him,
• sedentary lifestyle, unhealthy diet,
• the beginning of life in a new place, previously unfamiliar to a person,
• negative events in the past,
• character traits when pessimistic attitude becomes a way of life,
• disorders in the body that destroy the endocrine system and cause hormonal imbalance.

The destructive effects of anxiety and fear

A person only makes things worse for himself when he constantly lives in a state of anxiety and fear. Not only his psychology suffers, but also his health. When a person experiences a constant feeling of anxiety, his heart begins to beat faster, he lacks air, and his blood pressure jumps up.

Too strong emotions make a person very tired, and his body wears out faster. Trembling appears in the limbs, he cannot fall asleep for a long time, pain appears in the stomach for no apparent reason. Many body systems suffer in this condition, women experience hormonal imbalances, and men have disruptions to the genitourinary system. Therefore, you need to know how to get rid of fear and anxiety.

Identifying problems

There is no such person who would not be afraid of anything. It is important to realize how much this interferes with life. Each person has their own fears: some are afraid to speak in public, others have problems communicating with the opposite sex, others are simply embarrassed by their character, they do not want to show themselves too smart, stupid, etc. By recognizing your problem, you can begin to fight it and overcome your fear.

Combating Fear and Anxiety

There are many ways to get rid of anxiety and fear.

1. When you feel anxious, tension always arises. And if this tension is removed, then the negative feelings will dissipate. To stop constantly worrying, you need to learn to relax. Physical activity helps in this matter, so try doing exercises, or better yet, exercise physical activity in a team. Walking in the fresh air, jogging, and breathing exercises will also help combat excessive anxiety.
2. Share your feelings with loved ones you trust. They will help you dispel feelings of fear. To other people, other people's fears seem insignificant, and they will be able to convince you of this. Communication with loved ones who love you will remove the burden of problems that are weighing you down. If you don’t have such people, then trust your feelings to a diary.
3. Don't leave problems unresolved. Many people worry about something but do nothing to change it. Don't leave your problems as they are, start doing at least something to cope with them.
4. Humor helps us get rid of many problems, defuse tense situations and make us relax. So hang out with those people who make you laugh a lot. You can also just watch a comedy program or read about something funny. Anything that makes you feel happy can be used.
5. Do something that is enjoyable for you. Take a break from your negative thoughts and call your friends, invite them for a walk or just sit with you in a cafe. Sometimes it's enough just to play computer games, read a fascinating book, you can always find something that gives you pleasure.
6. Imagine more often a positive outcome of events, and not vice versa. We often worry that something might end badly, and we imagine it in vivid colors. Try doing the opposite and imagine that everything ended well. This will help you reduce anxiety neurosis.
7. Remove everything from your life that causes anxiety disorder. Typically, watching the news or crime programs, which often talk about something negative, creates an even greater feeling of anxiety. Therefore, try not to watch them.

Psychological tricks to help get rid of fear

Give yourself 20 minutes a day when you can completely surrender to your anxiety and think about what worries you most. You can let yourself go and even cry. But when the allotted time comes to an end, stop yourself from even thinking about it and get on with your daily activities.

Find a quiet place in your apartment where nothing will disturb you. Sit comfortably, relax, breathe deeply. Imagine that in front of you is a burning piece of wood, from which smoke rises into the air. Imagine that this smoke is your alarm. Watch how it rises into the sky and dissolves completely until the piece of wood burns out. Just watch it without trying to influence the movement of the smoke in any way.

Do some handicrafts. Monotonous work helps to distract from unnecessary thoughts and make life more serene.

Even if you can't get rid of anxious thoughts at first, over time you will learn to do it. The main thing is to follow the advice and you will gradually become less worried.

Getting rid of fear - advice from psychologists

Psychologists suggest using several tricks to get rid of fear.

1. Art therapy helps cope with feelings of fear. Try to draw your fear and express it on paper. Then burn the piece of paper with the design.
2. When you experience panic attacks, switch to something else to do so that your feeling doesn't deepen and make you feel bad. Do something else that will absorb all your thoughts and your negative feelings will go away.
3. Realize the nature of your fear, sort it out. Try to write down everything you feel and worry about, and then light the paper.
4. The breathing exercise “Inhaling Strength and Exhaling Weakness” will help you get rid of fear. Imagine that as you inhale, courage enters your body, and as you exhale, your body gets rid of fear. You should sit up straight and be relaxed.
5. Face your fear. If you push through it no matter what, it will help you worry less. For example, you are afraid to communicate with someone, go and communicate with him. Or, for example, you are terribly afraid of dogs, watch them, try to pet a harmless dog. This is the most effective way to help get rid of fear.
6. When panic and anxiety have completely taken over you, breathe deeply 10 times. During this time, your mind will have time to adapt to the surrounding reality and calm down.
7. Sometimes it's good to talk to yourself. This way your experiences will become more understandable to you. You realize the depth of the situation in which you find yourself. Understanding your condition will help you calm down, your heart will no longer beat so fast.
8. Feeling angry will help you shift away from your fear, so find someone that makes you feel this feeling.
9. Find something really funny, it will neutralize panic attacks instantly. You will feel much better after this.

Stop being afraid of your fears

In fact, the feeling of fear helps us overcome life's obstacles and improve our lives. Many people have done great things out of fear. Great musicians were afraid that they would remain unrecognized and composed great music, athletes were afraid of defeat and reached incredible heights, scientists and doctors made discoveries out of fear of something.

This feeling actually mobilizes the strength of our body, makes us act actively and do great things.

You will never be able to overcome your fear by simply letting it go indiscriminately or not paying attention to it. But you can become happier. Try to live with joy, enjoying the current moment. Don't worry too much about past mistakes and constantly dream about the future. This will help you live comfortably and be happy with what you have.

Do something you enjoy and you will feel important to other people. This will help you cope more easily with all the fears and worries in your life.