How to overcome evil and hatred within yourself. Overcoming anger and hatred. From compassion to hatred
The concept of disgust for one’s own person, its main varieties behind the direction vector. The main ways to combat this feeling and advice from psychologists.
Description and mechanism of development of self-loathing
In an adult, self-loathing begins with shame. This is the first manifestation that can be noticed immediately. The mechanism of its development lies deep in the internal evaluation criteria.
Each individual has his own ideals regarding what he should be, how he should look in the eyes of other people. Perhaps over time, these standards can be adjusted, but in general they are a driving force that forces you to develop and improve.
When a person begins to compare the real picture of his personality and the ideal that he wants to see, a feeling of dissatisfaction arises. For some people this is an additional incentive that motivates well, but for others it is a reason for frustration and disappointment.
The difference in such reactions is formed due to the personal characteristics of each person, basic self-esteem and strong-willed qualities. Individual emotional sensitivity allows one to form a feeling of self-disgust if he does not like some of his characteristics or does not correspond to the ideals of which he dreams.
Of great importance is a person’s perception of himself, his internal assessment of his own qualities, which may be lower than objective. In this case, the discrepancy between the requirements for oneself will be caused by a non-existent deficit. For example, an individual considers himself not beautiful enough or has an aversion to a specific part of the body, although there are no objective reasons for such judgments.
That is why it is so important to distinguish between psychological disgust, which may not have any significant basis, and physical disgust, which is associated with the characteristics of the individual. In the second case, the feeling of disgust can change under the influence of different arguments and is subject to adjustment. In the first, the psychological attitude towards disgust will not allow one to regard common-sense arguments as possible exit options, but will only deny the possibility of eliminating one’s shortcomings.
In such cases, the psychotherapist must first fight the person’s self-esteem, his internal mechanism of responding to his own personality and reduced volitional qualities.
In some situations, self-loathing may be an early symptom of serious mental illness and represent specific dysmorphomanic manifestations. This means that if an insurmountable problem arises that will significantly complicate life, you should definitely contact a specialist.
Causes of self-loathing
In almost all cases, self-loathing, shame for one’s body, actions or thoughts is a projection of childhood experiences. Events at an early age, even if they are outwardly insignificant, can play a crucial role in the formation of a child’s self-esteem. Naturally, the greatest responsibility rests with the parents or guardians who raised him.
The reasons for the development of such sensations in adulthood lie deeply in the awareness of one’s own individuality and uniqueness. In childhood, the concept of identity should be considered as positive quality uniqueness, and not as a visible difference from social standards.
Often such education is provided by television and the media. In childhood, when the system of internal self-evaluation has not yet been developed, such influences can violate the boundaries of the norm and set incorrect ideals. Famous personalities who are published on the covers of glossy magazines give a child the feeling that this is perfection worth striving for, and not just an example.
If in adulthood the feeling of one’s own inferiority remains, it is quite possible to develop a feeling of self-loathing. The chances of this can be increased by the presence of some visible feature, shortcomings that a person cannot accept and denies with the help of such a reaction.
Examples of such individual characteristics There may be burr, poor vision, some pronounced facial features, and non-average weight and height. Some may have complexes because of their nationality or religious affiliation. On this basis, they feel disgusted with themselves and constantly wonder why me.
Plays an important role adolescence. It is during this period that children are most sensitive to condemnation or humiliation. But some, on the contrary, increase their assessment by ridiculing the qualities of others, thereby feeling the desired superiority.
Adolescence is considered special because of a new stage of socialization, the period of puberty, when attention from the opposite sex is almost a priority. It is during this period that a person perceives the opinions of others most acutely.
Over the years, all judgments become rationalized and one’s own uniqueness is accepted, but not for everyone. For some, the feeling of inferiority remains for the rest of their lives and is manifested by a kind of infantilism and dependence on the opinions of others.
In some cases, self-loathing manifests itself after a significant change in weight or appearance. For example, women may feel this way during pregnancy or immediately after childbirth. The changed body begins to be disliked so much that the likelihood of developing postpartum depression and self-loathing increases.
The same applies to accidents that have changed a person’s appearance so much that he begins to be ashamed of others and withdraws into himself. Psychological discomfort when different degrees deformities and deficiencies that alter the body can cause serious consequences.
Signs of self-loathing in a person
Signs of self-disgust coincide with its general manifestations. They may also differ for each person depending on their individual characteristics.
Disgust means a negative reaction to something extremely bad or downright disgusting, which causes nausea and a desire to avoid such sensations. The factor that provokes this feeling is an event, thing, person. The vector of disgust is directed towards him, and the mechanism of avoiding such negative experiences is activated.
In the case of self-loathing, a person will try to expose his “shortcomings” as little as possible so as not to evoke evaluative opinions. Depending on what features he doesn’t like about himself, he will hide them. There is a fear of attacks of disgust, which are provoked by the risk of being ridiculed or leading to the same feeling in other people.
For example, if it is burr or other disorders associated with speech, a person will try to talk less, especially with strangers, and will choose a job and profession that will hide him from possible negative assessments from the outside.
People who are disgusted with their own appearance make up the vast majority. They avoid mirrors and do not like to be photographed or appear in public. They choose clothes that are not too provocative and behave the same way. Self-loathing motivates the only desire - to be like everyone else, but in fact this is impossible under any circumstances.
The emotion of disgust, like many others, is manifested by a number of facial signs that allow it to be expressed. Although each person is capable of reacting differently, in most cases, facial expressions do not hide true feelings.
Disgust is manifested by the following facial signs:
- Wrinkling. The man raises the inner corners of his eyebrows and wrinkles his eyes.
- The upper lip rises. Some people's nose wrinkles along with it.
Over time, self-doubt and timidity develop. Contacts with others begin to cause shame, embarrassment with all vegetative manifestations. Such people often experience difficulties communicating with the opposite sex, accepting themselves as not “good” or worthy enough to connect their lives with another person, and are critical of compliments.
Positive comments from other people regarding a painful trait are perceived as hidden ridicule, and the person reacts very painfully.
Ways to deal with feelings of self-loathing
In most cases, self-loathing can be eliminated independently, by increasing self-esteem and volitional qualities with age. That is, over the years, a person begins to have a different attitude towards the demands of society, more focused on his own well-being than on the opinions of others. In some situations, such a symptom remains for the rest of adult life, sometimes even becoming the first sign of serious illness. That is why, if an overwhelming feeling of self-loathing arises that a person cannot cope with, one should seek help from a specialist.
Rationalization
In mild and moderate cases, an attempt to normalize perception and standardize one’s assessments, excluding affective overtones, can be very effective. This method is able to teach a person to look at himself from the outside, to try to evaluate his qualities from the point of view of an independent expert, without allowing a one-sided judgment.
In this way, it is possible to equalize an individual’s self-esteem with more objective indicators. If it is underestimated, you should show the real picture that others see. In some cases, it will be useful to consult a specialist, cosmetologist, or plastic surgeon who deals with similar cases and can correctly assess the situation and give the necessary recommendations.
In practice, rationalization means recognizing what causes disgust and developing basic ways to solve such problems.
A psychologist can help with this. Sessions of individual or group psychotherapy, where the person is given the opportunity to speak out, will have a positive impact on the development of self-esteem.
Adaptation
The main goal of any psychotherapeutic assistance to people with self-hatred and self-loathing is socialization. Efforts are aimed at adapting a person to ordinary life, communication with others.
There are several practical techniques that are most often used to return self-esteem to the proper level:
- Photo. If a person experiences self-disgust because of his appearance, a photo shoot is often used. Naturally, its conditions must correspond to the wishes of the individual himself. Sometimes it helps to loosen up better by shooting in certain images, costumes, when a person transforms into someone else. In this way, it is possible to achieve the transfer of vectors of hatred and the discovery of personality without complexes. Then these photographs are subject to viewing by the person himself, and together with a psychologist he will be able to make sure that his problem is far from matching the one that he drew in his imagination.
- Examples. If the cause of disgust is not appearance, but some other qualities, examples should be considered successful people who have managed to overcome such complexes and are no longer ashamed of their characteristics. Some individuals with a stutter have quite successfully realized themselves in the careers of artists and are quite happy, since they accept their uniqueness and originality as a highlight, and have also learned to use it correctly for their own purposes.
- Implementation. This method can be used for years, and it directly depends on the efforts and desire of a person to change his self-esteem. You should find what you do well, compared to other people. It could be beautiful voice, the ability to draw, write poetry, do some crafts, explain some information to others, decide complex tasks or any other activity that you like and have an inclination towards. In some cases, such talents are suppressed due to low self-esteem and the belief that the person does not deserve such things. Successful work and talent must be assessed by other people in one of the possible ways. A person chooses the path of implementation independently.
Features of preventing self-loathing
An important part of combating this problem is prevention. You can avoid trigger factors for the development of self-loathing through proper parenting from the very beginning. early age. Their social adaptation should be gradual and correct; one cannot deliberately reduce the child’s dignity or overestimate it, since during this period children are very sensitive to such phenomena.
Childhood is characterized as a period in a person’s life when he learns what the world is and how to find his place in it. That is why false judgments about a child’s abilities can confuse correct attitudes and cause self-disgust in the future.
Particular attention should be paid adolescence when the child feels a certain degree of freedom and permissiveness, but does not yet know how to properly cope with various psychological traumas that can form self-loathing.
After accidents or events that lead to a change in a person’s appearance, it is worth consulting with a psychologist. A qualified specialist will help identify the main factors in the development of such problems and prevent serious consequences in advance.
How to get rid of self-loathing - watch the video:
Self-disgust is an incorrect form of perception of one’s “I” and a negative assessment of one’s qualities. Often such a manifestation can be a symptom of very serious diseases, so you must definitely contact a psychologist if this problem complicates social life person.
We are all affected by emotions and feelings in our lives. It is normal for people to feel angry, sad, happy, surprised, and so on. But there are feelings that fill our personality and develop it, and there is the destructive influence of emotions and feelings, for example, hatred of people.
What is this feeling - hatred
Many people, feeling internal discomfort, do not always understand its cause. Hatred towards people is one of the most destructive feelings a person has. This is a strong dislike for some object. It can appear suddenly, or it can accumulate over many years and appear at one point. Hatred opens up a wide range of actions for a person along with a huge amount of energy. He most often spends this energy on something destructive, negative, but not on creation. Otherwise, this hostility would develop into a constructive feeling.
What is hatred for people called? From the definition of “misanthropy,” that is, hatred of people, we can see that there are subjects who, in principle, hate all their own kind; there is even a pathological fear of such a state. There are reasons for this, most often mental disorders, but very often we can encounter hatred directed at a specific person: a boss, a former spouse, a sister, a brother, a neighbor, and so on. Everyone may have their own reasons for this feeling; there is even a saying: “From love to hate there is one step.” We can communicate with a person for many years, grow together, and then, when he becomes better than us in some way, we begin to hate him.
How does this feeling manifest itself?
Hatred towards people manifests itself in different ways, it all depends on the person who experiences it, the reason for which it arises, and the subject towards whom hostility is felt. Most often, we ourselves are to blame for our discomfort. Sometimes we cannot fully understand the reason for a negative attitude towards a person. That is, in hidden form hatred towards people manifests itself. The reasons for this may be the following:
- Contrasting ourselves with a person in comparison with whom we are clearly inferior. Here we are talking about any external characteristics, that is, physical data, financial condition and, as a result, the best appearance of the opponent.
- Character traits of another person that we would really like to have, but due to certain circumstances we do not have. The first two points can be replaced with one word - envy. It is this that is a powerful motivator of hatred.
- Resentment. People begin to hate others if they have greatly offended them with their behavior.
- Lack of information about the person. We all analyze the behavior of others towards us or towards our loved ones. Most often, we do not know the internal motives of this or that behavior, but we draw our own conclusions, and thereby doom ourselves to hatred of others.
Why do we get sick when we hate people?
Scientists have long proven that negative emotions affect human health. In fact, we don’t even think about how many diseases we have not because of poor nutrition or heredity, but precisely because of the constant oppression of negative emotions.
Back in the middle of the 20th century, an experiment was conducted on the reaction of a living organism (in in this case flowers) to an evil attitude and swear words. Scientists took 3 indoor flowers, with the same care, watering and lighting, they talked to one and stroked the leaves, showed absolute indifference to the other, and the third was subjected to curses, and they had to approach it evil person. The results were stunning: after just a few days the last one dried up, the second one lasted a little over a month and rotted. The first flower grew and developed. This experiment shows the effect of negative emotions on all living organisms.
There are so-called psychosomatic diseases. This, at first glance, is a common pathology that can occur under certain circumstances in every person. But in fact, the cause of such pathologies is a broken emotional sphere or sudden stress. If you experience hatred towards people for a long time (the reasons do not even matter), a person may develop diseases such as constipation, hypertension, and cancer. Diseases of the cardiovascular system are the most common result. In this case, the question of how to overcome hatred of a person becomes very acute, because after it serious diseases, not only physiological, but also mental, can appear.
The destructive influence of hatred towards others
As noted above, feelings of hatred can lead to serious illnesses different systems human body. In addition to the fact that organs can be affected, the human psyche also comes under attack. Hatred towards people is therefore a destructive, destructive feeling, since it “eats” a person from the inside. It is impossible to predict exactly when and how accumulated anger towards a person will manifest itself. It can come out through some kind of affective reactions, when a person does not control his behavior, and aggression can even lead to crime. Also, anger can be aimed at destroying one’s own psyche; these are pathologies such as paranoia, misanthropy, neurosis, psychosis, and in extreme cases, schizophrenia.
What does a person who hates people look like?
A healthy person looks happy, which cannot be said about a person with this feeling. Appearance evil and aggressive person not too loving and joyful. Most often, such people like to criticize everyone and everything, which affects their negative attitude towards others, so they always look dissatisfied and devoid of joy. In the extreme manifestation of hatred, a person does not know how to smile at all, he suspects everyone of malicious intent against him, he is constantly worried and disappointed. In fact, the appearance of such people is pitiful and wretched. They deprive themselves of the joy of communicating with people, a sense of peace and community, since they rarely have loyal and good friends.
Possible consequences of feelings of hatred
The consequences of the presence of this feeling can be different, ranging from minor health problems to life imprisonment in prison or a hospital bed in psychiatry. Perhaps the last option is a little exaggerated, but a destructive feeling in its development cannot pass without a trace.
For people, the consequences of hatred can result in the end of communication. It is very sad if this happens to relatives and close people. Therefore, in order not to lose close family or friendly ties, you need to know how to overcome hatred of a person.
The Importance of Forgiveness
If you don’t want to feel hatred anymore, if this feeling oppresses you and eats you up from the inside, it’s important to remember forgiveness. This process is similar to cleansing the mind, freeing the psyche and consciousness from destructive mechanisms. Forgiveness is very difficult, especially when great harm has been caused to the individual. But only by forgiving will you learn to love the world, those around you, enjoy every moment and not pay attention to people who are trying to somehow touch your nerves. How to overcome hatred towards a person? If you are not able to forgive on your own, you can seek help from a priest, a church, or a psychologist who will set you on the right path of forgiveness.
Steps to Overcome Hatred
If you are interested in the question of how to overcome hatred towards a person, then all is not lost, and you can still build a positive interaction with him.
The first step can rightfully be called " round table", when you and the object of negative emotions sit down and discuss all the pressing issues.
Playing sports will help you overcome hatred and anger; it is better to give preference to team sports.
There are art therapy and other therapies that help overcome feelings of hatred. The basis in training groups is the message to be angry, not hiding anger, but finding a constructive way out for it.
Let's deal with everything in order.
Capabilities
Self-hatred is the feeling that you are not good enough in the area in which you are “supposed” to be a professional. A specific example is grades at school. In adulthood - the amount of income. You feel discomfort about this, work tirelessly to achieve recognition, money, respect in any area.
But you are not doing this for the work itself: you need to succeed at all costs. You are driven by the fear that life will have no meaning if this does not happen.
Often a person begins to build a career in a field where success is more likely to be achieved (law, finance, technology) - it is safer and calmer, because it is much easier to put up a special shield there. Like a shield, he hides behind his success and prestige, but true, deeper goals and desires may remain unrealized.
Throughout your life you pay for this shield (and the price is very, very high), but you are unlikely to understand this in your youth. Therefore, in the media we often come across tragic stories about the life of a “successful Hollywood guy”, whom everyone envied, but who only felt emptiness and dissatisfaction.
Body
Body hatred is the feeling that there is something inherently wrong with your body. And this feeling takes many different forms: you feel that you are too fat, or too thin, or too tall, or too short. Too hairy, or not enough hair. Too dark or too light. Too flat. Too... And it is this feeling that is the main reason for low self-esteem, which can unpredictably affect our behavior.
Problems with eating (too much or too little), disordered sex life, anxiety disorders and addictions have their origins in a negative attitude towards one’s own body.
Personality
Self-hatred is the feeling that you are the “wrong” person. It may appear if you belong to a national minority. You may feel like you have the “bad” gender. Sexual orientation, religious beliefs and other factors can also trigger self-hatred. In general, negativity can appear for a variety of reasons, but the reaction is formed according to the same principle as in the case of hatred of abilities, only instead of the shield of success and money, we begin to grab the shield of professional competence. Another natural reaction is anger, which becomes a hidden, repressed part of your Self.
Relationship
Relationship hate is a deep belief that you should be with a specific person and your relationship should work out perfectly, but it doesn't. Therefore, a deep belief is formed that something is wrong with you. Often the root cause lies in the parents - either they divorced or did not express enough love and approval to the child. For example, it seems to you that they will love you only if you are lucky or if you are obedient and grateful. In general, you will only be loved if you are an ideal person.
We all think about it
We all evaluate ourselves negatively to one degree or another, and the difference lies in the proportions in which each of us mixes these ingredients.
In other words, if your inner voice tends to be negative, it often jumps from one of your “flaws” to another - this is how it hides in order to always be one step ahead. If you stop worrying about one thing, it immediately starts attacking you from another front. “Okay, you lost 2 kg, so what? You're still not as rich as you could be." Here we go again.
The hardest part about letting go of self-hatred is understanding what you're dealing with.
The danger may be hidden deep inside, but this does not mean that one day the problem will not creep out.
And even more often, we are simply afraid to look into our soul - who knows what we might find there?
But if you really want to stop hating a part of yourself, you will have to find the real reason. And then resist the desire to suppress the problem, drown it out with alcohol or pills, or run away from it by overwhelming yourself with “urgent” work or plunging headlong into new love.
The inner voice is a constant companion in your life, but you should not trust it unconditionally. Understand the motives for your behavior, understand how to return it to your common boat and become one team again. Don't let negativity drown you.
In his life, a person often faces aggression, inexplicable attacks, criticism and hatred from strangers, close friends and even relatives. If you react to all this, you can ruin your life, says James Altucher, a famous American trader, investor, entrepreneur and writer, author of many books on self-development and personal growth. T&P translated an article from his blog about how to deal with those who can't stand you.
Making strangers hate yourself is very easy: just have your own opinion, be creative and be yourself. Anyone can become your hater: a relative, friend, colleague, teacher, boss, or just a stranger on the street or on the Internet. Former friends may unexpectedly become enemies. You need to know what to do in such situations. Most haters are invisible, anonymous, and they try to get inside your head because they have such a unique way of communicating.
Example: Someone recently reviewed my audiobook.
“This is just terrible... an author should never read his own books out loud again. He has a lazy, mumbled way of speaking that makes it very difficult to believe what he says. There seems to be no interest in his voice, as if it is a burden for him to convey these valuable sprouts of knowledge to us, poor unfortunate listeners.”
I don't look for compliments. Some people like my audiobook, some don't. Once at school, in the 7th grade, we were reading a book out loud, and when it was my turn, one girl said: “Oh no! Just not his voice...” Maybe she left a review? Whatever we do in life, some will hate us, others will laugh or gossip, others will attack from behind, some will take money or try to destroy our reputation, some will threaten, tease or intimidate.
So listen up: There are rules to help you beat the haters, anonymous, virtual and real, among your colleagues, family and those you love.
It's complicated. I don't always succeed, but I'm gradually improving. And when I manage to follow these rules, the results in my life improve. I hope it works out for you too.
The problem is the hater himself
It's a little cliche, but it's true. Behind any anger there is fear.
He who hates is at the same time afraid of something. This doesn't mean you have to say, "Poor thing, he's just afraid." But it is worth noting this fact for yourself.
For example, in the example above, the woman who wrote the review said “poor unfortunate listeners.” Perhaps she is afraid of being poor and unhappy, which is why she hears these words from everywhere. This is her life problem.
Often people say: "Don't worry, they're just jealous." Maybe. Or maybe not. We can't read their minds. It’s none of my business why someone has this or that opinion about me.
But something is happening in the lives of these people that causes fear. And this fear is expressed in aggression towards you. They are projecting their own fear onto you. For a short time you turn into the monster that was inside them. Anger is simply fear released.
The problem is also with you
I don't even think about many of my haters. But some people manage to push the right buttons. Some randomly get into my soul. Or not by chance. Like, for example, a relative who knows exactly which buttons to press. If someone finds the right button, I get angry and defensive. But it's not because people said something terrible about me. But because under the thick armor of anger lies my fear that they might be right. I may not even admit it to myself. After all, they were the ones who raised the knife first, so I can blame them for everything. But in reality it turns out that I myself continue to thrust this “knife” into myself.
Let's take the same example again. I pulled it out from hundreds of other examples, not because it is particularly unpleasant. I just realized that then I could tell the story of how a girl in 7th grade made fun of my voice. Maybe I'm just really worried that I have a strange voice. It's important to note this for yourself.
When you constantly notice things to yourself, you at least separate those things from the endless stream of thoughts. You remember them and store them separately in your head. Therefore, it will be easier to recognize and deal with them in the future. Or maybe it will even help you learn more about yourself.
24 hour rule
If someone attacks you, you may feel negative emotions. If attacks happen in public, then other people may also experience unpleasant emotions. They might think, “Jane said that about James, so he must be an idiot.” Attacks can also be part of office politics or personal relationships.
The 24 hour rule works in almost any case. If you do not respond to the first attack, it will disappear within 24 hours. But if you answer at least once, reset the timer. It will take another 24 hours for the aggression to subside in the web of human communication. That's why some conflicts last for years. Participants react to each other's attacks, and all this continues until one of the opponents dies. And according to Onion magazine, the mortality rate in the world remains stable at 100%.
Rule 30/30/30
I had several posts where I used the same illustration found on the Internet: a woman doing yoga on the beach. I've been criticized for always using pictures of sexy women. I was also criticized for using these photographs without attribution.
Then the woman from the photographs wrote to me. I told her that I had received such comments. She told me her beautiful story, which became part of mine. last book. But she also said this: for everything you create, a third will love you, a third will hate you, and a third will be indifferent. This means doing what you love and putting your best effort into it. You must improve every day. And when you receive critical feedback, simply put it in the one-third negative basket.
Delete
I am always happy when people disagree with me. I have nothing against.
But often people are unable to express their disagreement, and it manifests itself in an unpleasant and angry form.
If I can, I delete these people. You can write “delete” in quotation marks. Sometimes it's not the critic from the blog, but someone from real life. I also delete such people. I don't talk to those who harm me.
What if it's your boss or someone you're forced to talk to? Then I am indifferent to them. I let them do what they want. I nod in greeting in the hallways. I don't kowtow or ingratiate myself to try to get them to love me. If over time these people behave well, I will start communicating with them again.
What if someone yells at you on the phone? Just say, “I need to go.” I have fallen for this, especially when I was younger, and wanted to shout back. “Why are you doing this to me?!” Such situations were very painful. But they taught me to behave differently in the future.
Hate is contagious
Someone once tweeted, “James Altucher = #humangarbage.” I don't know why this tweet appeared. I don't know who this person is. But for a moment I got angry. I didn't follow the previous advice.
I found this man on the Internet. He works for AOL. I tried to figure out how to fire him. He made 1 tweet and started 1000 thoughts in my head.
The worst thing you can do to your body is to stick a knife into it. Anger is an emotional stab to the emotional body. Some religions say that you should show compassion to your enemies. I don't know. It's really difficult.
The best I can do is admit that I don't know this person, and that any additional thought is another way to stab myself. If I do this, the infection spreads inside me, consuming me. I don't like cutting myself with a knife.
You'll never know
I could reach out to this guy and say, “I just need to know why you think I’m worthless.”
But imagine what you would say in this case on your deathbed. Never in the history of mankind has anyone said at the point of death, “I’m really glad I found out why a stranger thinks I’m worthless.” There is absolutely no need to know this. And even if you end up finding out... it turns out it wasn't worth it.
Resistance is futile
Let's say someone has a reason to hate you, but it's easy to disprove. For example, someone hates you because you're from Rhode Island, but you're actually from Canada. You might say, "But I'm from Canada." And in response you will receive: “So much the worse.”
Nobody ever changes their mind. It's difficult to change your mind. Quitting smoking is very difficult, for many it is almost impossible. Hatred is even more addictive, just imagine how difficult it is to change your mind in this case. Facts don't mean anything. Self-defense only makes things worse (see the 24-hour rule).
Even the history of friendship means nothing. You can say: We've been friends for 20 years. Are you really going to let this come between us?” The answer is yes. Because people can't help themselves. Because there is some kind of fear in them. Because there is some kind of fear in you. And they will never get back together.
They look stupid when they make love
This is everything you need to know about your haters. If you remember this rule every time you encounter anger and aggression, you can forget about all the other rules.
Time cures
Hate cannot last forever. It often turns into a slow simmer. The sun, which was so bright during the day, turns into a purple haze and dark orange at sunset. This doesn't mean you and your haters are friends now. It simply means that the open wound will finally heal, leaving a small scar and a memory, but nothing more. It doesn't matter if a betrayer, an ex-spouse, an ex-lover, or a blog commenter hates you. It is important to learn how to reduce time.
Some people experience hatred, anger, bitterness and regret for years. Sometimes whole life not enough to heal the wounds. It's a waste of life. Of course, she also has a right to exist. No one is forcing you to live a meaningful life; you can safely waste it. And since more people will hate you every time you stick your head out of the sand (which I hope you do), you will have many opportunities to ruin your life. Enjoy them.
Sometimes (but not always), people hating you means you're stepping out of your comfort zone. You create and grow. But I hope that your wounds are healing faster and faster. In fact, I wrote this post for myself. I hope that my wounds are also healing faster every day.
In response to hate, I try to use these techniques and learn more about myself. If I can’t learn anything new, I try not to hurt myself. If I succeed, I try to be grateful and move on to the next stage where I find love, creativity and satisfaction.