Is it necessary to feel sorry for a person? Is anyone worth feeling sorry for?

As a rule, people are always dissatisfied with something. And they begin to complain about their fate, without thinking about the fact that we ourselves are the masters of our lives. Our entire environment, our relationships with those close to us, depend only on ourselves

people. All we have, the people we communicate with, are our thoughts.

People often say: “what a bad child I have, he’s completely gone”, “what a bad wife”, and vice versa: “what a bad neighbor”, etc. And then they start complaining. What are they waiting for?, why are they complaining? They are waiting to be pitied. Is it worth regretting? There's no point in regretting it at all. When we regret, then on a subconscious level we involve ourselves in the problem of this person. And we ourselves begin to live with his problems, the ones he created for himself. We live not our own life, but someone else’s, the life of this person.

His negativity and aggression are transmitted to us automatically. And feeling sorry for him, we experience aggression to everything that surrounds us, and therefore to the world around us. And then everything comes back to us. By feeling sorry for others, we make our lives worse. And then everything goes along the chain. It turns out that we did not help the person, but on the contrary, we increased the aggression even more. This means that we did not do good, but committed evil.

When you begin to feel sorry for another, you deprive him of the right to be himself. We don’t notice how we become a victim of that situation. And the one who complains is a tyrant. He begins to suck the energy out of us a little at a time, shifting his responsibility to others. Consequently, he becomes a vampire, and we become a bucket into which all the garbage can be dumped. And then we also start complaining to others and say: “I don’t feel good,” “I have a headache.” And others pick up these words and absorb them into themselves. Then we grab the pills without thinking at all about the cause of the pain.

So everything goes along the chain on a subconscious level. We don’t think about what main reason in ourselves - we began to regret. You need to feel sorry for those people who, pitying others, sacrifice themselves. And there is no need to complain, you need to start everything from yourself.

If necessaryfeel sorry for the person? How to respond to pity? There are different ways you can help. But just don’t feel sorry, but look at the situation. And you need to say directly: “why are you telling me this?” A person will immediately think and ask himself: “really, why?”, “what will this give me, will he help me, I have to figure it out myself.” Ask: “Would you like me to listen to you?” And if he wishes. Listen. Show love and mercy to this person. This attitude helps us to be sensitive and attentive to other people and to ourselves.

Take this as a lesson that you need to change something in yourself. Look positive. Be grateful to him. After all, through it you receive a signal to understand yourself. Thank the person for suggesting it to you.

Usually I write about what can immediately ruin or improve the relationship between a man and a woman. About half of my articles contain advice that a woman can apply, and literally within a few minutes or sometimes weeks, her relationship with a man will improve.

And in principle, this is not surprising. After all, a man leaves or the relationship with him is bad when a woman cannot give him what he needs. (To be more precise, a woman usually thinks that she gives what is needed, but in reality this is not the case). And if you change this situation, then even if you drive a man out of the house with a stick, he will not leave you anywhere.

But there is such behavior of lovely ladies that even seems to improve relationships with the opposite sex. Not with everyone and not always, but it improves. However, an improvement in a relationship in the short term results in a deterioration in the relationship in the long term or even a catastrophe in the relationship.

What can make a relationship better in the short term, but make it worse in the long term? What may seem right today, but make it impossible for a woman to live with a man tomorrow?

The first, one of the most common and powerful means is pity for a man.

The average man is more likely than a woman to encounter obstacles and setbacks in life. It can be anything. Constant failures at work, failures in competition with peers, competition, fatigue, lack of normal living conditions, low incomes - all this occurs in the life of almost every man. I would even say that some set of difficulties from the above list is necessary condition in order for a man to become a truly Man.

And, of course, if a man is in a male team, then with rare exceptions, all men are better or worse, but they learn and become Men in the literal sense of the word. That is, those who can independently make a decision, implement their decision and overcome obstacles that inevitably arise on the way to achieving any goal. significant result. After all, in a male group, pity and sympathy are very poorly developed things.

If a man has mastered the skill of solving difficulties when they arise, and not complaining, then in the future, unless something happens in life that relaxes him excessively, then this skill of being able to solve difficulties is maintained throughout his life.

However, there is a huge danger on this path of a man growing up and maintaining this maturity.

Danger is a woman's pity and a woman's sympathy.

Pity will break you strong man, unless, of course, he senses danger in time and leaves such a “good” woman. That mechanism of defense against pity, which is instinctively present in every male, is not working now. If you noticed, then in adolescence guys begin to distance themselves from their mothers and react very violently and aggressively to any manifestation of pity.

Secondly, pity is very insidious and sharpens little by little so that the changes are not immediately noticeable. Today we regretted it a little, tomorrow we regretted it a little, the day after tomorrow we regretted it a lot... and nothing happened. The loved one even seems a little grateful for such a manifestation of care and the relationship seems to have improved.

However, nothing happens just like that. Changes, although slow, accumulate and at some point collapse and with their wave can destroy everything: relationships, family, happiness, etc.

I will give one example of how pity can work. Of course, pity can work in a completely different way and in a different situation. However pity is always bad for a man - this is the only thing I ask you to remember for the rest of your life.

Let's say your loved one comes home from work tired, and something doesn't work out for him. And in order for it to work, you still need to work in the evening, sit on the weekend, and then work at work, not just sitting in one soft place, but with energy and sometimes aggressiveness.

But a woman comes up and says: “Dear one is tired. Well, rest, lie down. Yes, forget about this job, find yourself a better one, where your unforgettable genius will finally be appreciated. And in general, they will still regret that they do not value you and that you will leave. Yes, my poor thing, why are you still hungry? Here, take a bun, eat it, and another one, and a couple more, and snack on the sausage.”.

If this (or a similar way) happens constantly, then inevitably a man loses the strength to work, to overcome obstacles, constantly leaves something unfinished, fails to study in some places, is lazy in others, etc.

And everything seems to be going well for several years. But then one of the colleagues is promoted up the career ladder, where they pay more, the second opens his own successful business, the third saves up and buys a good apartment. And it would be nice if these acquaintances were smarter than him, more qualified, or something else. No, these are his friends, whom he used to often defeat in solving professional or some other problems.

A man’s self-esteem from such a turn of events can collapse and decline. If this fall is strong, then everything can collapse. Relationships with a woman collapse, the desire to do anything at all collapses, perceptions change, sometimes a man begins to drink, become despondent, becomes disillusioned with life, etc.

After all, self-esteem, as I already wrote in the section "Self confidence. How to increase self-esteem", is for a man his life. Self-esteem means no less, if not more, for a man than family, children, property, good relationships with friends and relatives do for a woman.

Of course, self-esteem is not destroyed only by external failures. If a man feels strong, right, etc. within himself, then even strong external defeats may not significantly reduce self-esteem. But if, along with external failures, comes the realization that over several years he has turned into a powerless rag, an unprofessional, etc., then the blow may be unbearable.

This development of events does not necessarily come from female pity, but very often it is the strongest reason.

When I talk about women's pity, then, of course, we are talking not only about a woman's pity for a man. Quite often one encounters a mother’s pity for her son, sometimes already quite an adult. But I won’t talk about this situation today.

In summary, pity for a man is poison. This poison gradually destroys men's self-esteem, personality, and will. After all this is destroyed, then the relationship with the beloved itself may further be destroyed.

Of course, some men are much more resistant to such poison, while some are not at all resistant. But there are no people on whom the poison of female pity and sympathy has no effect at all.

Therefore, you can give a man as much pity as you would give him glasses of vodka. (If you give your man several glasses of vodka every day, then our Sunny Hands website is unlikely to suit you).

Now, after the advice page, as always, there are a couple more pages of warnings and decoding, so that you and I clearly understand the topic.

Firstly, the absence of pity does not mean that there is no need to give the man rest, etc.

Long-term mental overload has a bad effect on family relationships and health. However, true overload is quite rare. Much more often than overload, a man lacks systematic load, no matter the body or spirit. And overload is usually when a man sits on the couch for years, and then suddenly life demands action from him, and by doing these actions, which are not difficult for a trained person, the couch potato becomes overloaded.

It is usually much better if a woman pushes a man to take action a little, rather than feeling sorry for him. I recommend this topic read the book by Anastasia Gai “How to make a man get off the couch 2. Secrets of a happy relationship” .

Secondly, the lack of pity does not mean that all you need to do is urge a man on.

You need to push a man to take action. You need to expect more from a man than he has now achieved. You need to periodically nudge, say something like: “Darling, I’m already tired of just your beautiful conversations about how you will achieve something in the future. They have been going on for many months (or years). Let's do something real. Work, don’t whine, etc.”

However, life, of course, should not only consist of prodding. Life is a life where you need not only to work, but also to rejoice, chat together, relax, etc. And the constant pushing to take action is very stressful.

Thirdly, lack of pity for a man does not mean constant criticism.

It may seem that the opposite of pity is criticism. And some women criticize constantly or often. After all, isn’t it criticism when a man talks about his plans for months but doesn’t actually do anything?

Of course, criticism. But this is a criticism of idleness, not of the results of actions. Most of the criticism usually goes to the actions of the man. I bought this wrong, washed it wrong here, did it wrong, etc.

Such criticism, which is directed at the results obtained, should be avoided whenever possible. If we are talking about a man’s inactions, then a small amount of criticism will not hurt. After all, often even disgusting results from active actions cannot be criticized, but sitting on the couch can.

We can summarize. A woman's pity for a man is very, very bad habit behavior. Some men leave because of this behavior, and those who remain become very spoiled and become useless to anyone. And if in sports or somewhere else in life a man, after he is tired, is told: “Give me a little more,” and he cannot do it, then his will is trained. If, when he is not even tired yet, he says: “You’re tired, poor thing, go get some rest.”, then it is clear that the will is not trained, and its remnants evaporate.

A weak-willed man is often not successful, unhappy, cynical, does not respect women, does not respect himself, is envious, prone to whining and lying on the couch. Therefore, do not feel sorry for the man, and what is most paradoxical is that he will hold on to you tightly.

If you can not feel sorry for a man, but support him in action and inspire him, then you are already a third of the way to happy life with them.

Best regards, Rashid Kirranov.

Greetings, readers of my blog. Here I will touch on a very important and familiar feeling to everyone - pity. Some consider this feeling to be beneficial and put it on a par with such concepts as mercy, compassion, and help. Others consider pity to be a completely destructive trait that does not carry any benefit. Personally, I belong to the latter. Although, I admit that for a long time I believed that pity was good, it makes us more humane.

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Why I completely changed my attitude towards this feeling and what its destructive power is, I will try to reveal to you as clearly as possible below.

A change in worldview and a transition from the position of a victim to the position of the master of life helped me completely change my attitude towards pity.

Everyone deserves what they have. It is important to understand that we all create our own reality. Thoughts are material and our lives are shaped based on what we emit. We attract any situations into our lives on our own. There is a law of cause and effect and any action always has a consistent result. If a person gets into any trouble, there is no doubt that he created it himself. Sounds absurd? Which normal person deliberately create for himself, for example, a situation where he had an accident? It’s true, from the position of a victim of fate, everything seems exactly like this.

But let me explain how it works. Take, for example, this hypothetical situation: a person unexpectedly received a large financial reward for a minor service and was able to afford to buy a car. He consciously rejoices at such an acquisition. But subconsciously he considers himself unworthy of this benefit. After all, he was taught from childhood that big money comes only through hard work, and easy money is bad money, unworthy.

He may not remember such settings well, but the subconscious does not forget anything and the program works. Completely unconsciously, the lucky person doubts whether he is worthy of this car, and blames himself for the fact that he got the money so easily. With such negative thoughts he attracts punishment. After all, if there is guilt, justice must be done. And according to the law of the universe, it happens. The guilt has been expiated, the car has been shattered, the owner of the illicit good has suffered real physical punishment.

Of course, you may not believe me, but I’m already convinced that everything works exactly like that. It is no one’s fault that people independently attract negativity into their lives and do not realize that this is a matter of their own thoughts. They blame everything and everyone, but not themselves.

Only by taking responsibility for your life and learning to manage your thoughts can you be convinced that the World is fair. Everyone receives according to faith. Even the Bible says so. A person does not believe that he will be able to buy his own house, so he will wander around the “corners” all his life, appealing to the pity of others and feeling it for himself.

Therefore, no matter how tragic other people’s troubles and misfortunes may seem, there is nothing to regret, because the person himself attracted and let them into his life.

But this does not mean that he does not need to help or remain indifferent. Sitting down with someone who has fallen into the same puddle and lamenting how bad and unfair it is to fall out of the blue, you will not help the victim in any way. By putting aside the feeling of pity and offering help without getting involved in the causes of the trouble, you will benefit not only the victim, but also yourself. After all, if you believe that the misfortune happened to a person undeservedly, you also show yourself to be a victim. But everyone has the choice to become the master of life. And when you become the owner, you understand that everything happens for a reason, and pity automatically becomes alien to you.

Pity from the word "sting"

“Zhalet” in Russian comes from the word “zhalit”, which means to prick, to hurt. In ancient Russian close word“zhelya” meant “sadness, sorrow”; to staroslav: “sorry” - “tomb”; in Latvian dzelt - “to stab”; English cwëlan - “to die”; Old-German quëlan “to experience pain.” The root “stings” has a negative meaning in the etymology of many ancient languages. Accordingly, pity cannot bring anything good.

How we act on a person by feeling sorry for him

Pity is an absolutely passive, inactive feeling, devoid of incentive to action and giving nothing but negative experiences.

What do we give to a person when we feel sorry for him? To understand this better, let’s imagine the situation again: you find out that your friend fell and broke his leg; he is lying at home in a cast. You feel a sincere desire to visit him. Arriving at his house and seeing him in this position, pity awakens in you, you sit down next to him and begin to lament what a poor fellow he is, how unlucky he is. You are wondering how a friend got into such a situation and he tells you that he was walking down the street, accidentally came across a pothole, tripped, fell, and broke his leg.

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You become immersed in this story, together you begin to scold the authorities for not allocating a budget for road repairs, utility services for their lack of initiative before the authorities, bad weather, a bad day, and everything in the world.

But perhaps your friend did not say that he was walking down the street, staring at the phone (as many people do now) or was so immersed in his “mental stirrer” that he was extremely inattentive. You don’t know how everything really happened, but you agree without a doubt that he is a victim, and by getting involved, you recognize yourself as a victim. After all, due to the negligence of the authorities and utility workers, you also risk finding yourself in such a situation.

In fact, you do not provide the person with any help, you do not give anything, pitying him and lamenting with him. There are no creative actions. And besides, you are wasting your energy.

Now the same situation, but without the feeling of pity: you go to visit a friend with a broken leg. You are also interested in what happened, but do not get involved in a situation that is already in the past and do not begin to “ooh” and “aah”, but offer specific help to your friend. No matter what, everyone will probably find something to help a person in difficult times, if not with material deeds, then with kind words, but certainly not with lamentations.

In the first case, we intensify the pain and experiences of the victim, helping him with our regrets to plunge even deeper into trouble. In addition, the person who regrets often experiences a feeling of superiority, saying out loud: “It’s a pity that everything is so bad for you” and thinking to himself “Thank God that everything is fine with me.” The victim feels enslaved, worthless, unlucky, defective, pathetic.

In the second case, we give the person support, specific help, encourage him, and assure him that everything will work out. The victim feels complicity and a concrete shoulder to lean on in difficult times. And the supporter saves himself from negative experiences and unnecessary waste of energy.

Pity and compassion are different feelings

The problem with many people is that they confuse pity with mercy and compassion. And these are different things.

Here again, it will be clearer with an example: imagine that you are walking on a rainy, chilly day and see a wet kitten, shivering from the cold, on the side of the road. You can feel sorry for him, thinking “poor thing,” and pass by in the hope that someone else will save the poor fellow. Yes, you sincerely feel sorry for him, but you have a thousand reasons not to take him for yourself.

Another case is mercy. You show the mercy and kindness of your heart and warm the kitten with the warmth of your soul. You sympathize, empathize, feeling his pain, and help to make it easier for both you and him. Showing mercy and compassion is a concrete action. By showing pity, you literally drag the person in trouble even deeper into the problem and do nothing to help. You sting, you hurt.

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Exchange pity for love and compassion

The best thing you can do is to begin to eradicate the feeling of pity in yourself and replace it with love, kindness, compassion and mercy. Love, in the broad sense of the word, is a creative, positive, giving, inspiring feeling.

Think, is there a difference between lamenting “oh, poor thing, how unlucky he is, how bad everything is, oh, oh...” and between “the person is unlucky, he is in trouble and is suffering, how can I help him? "

Showing love, compassion, mercy means helping a person with real deeds to the best of your ability, and not sitting and talking about how bad he must be!

By showing concern, offering help, and providing support, you give a person strength and he finds the resources within himself to get out of a difficult situation. It literally fills you with energy and overcomes obstacles less painfully. You show the victim that he is not alone, that there is support and support nearby. Even this is enough for a person to be inspired and gain inner strength.

Finally

On one psychology forum I came across the following phrase: “If you feel sorry for a person, you thereby let him die,” with which I completely agree. Moreover, feeling sorry for yourself is harmful not only for others, but also for yourself. Feeling sorry for yourself means being in the position of a victim. But the world is fair and there are no victims, everyone gets their thoughts. Believe it or not, it's up to you.

Be merciful and compassionate towards people, and then the world will help you in difficult times.

Friends, I would be very interested in what you think about pity, do you agree that it is a negative feeling? Share this in the comments, it will help you understand even more deeply a topic that is so relevant to everyone.

The gross interference in the counting of votes caused an emotional – almost to the point of tears – reaction from the Chairman of the Central Electoral Commission, Ella Pamfilova, who called what happened in Primorye “a blow to the gut” that ruined the work of the commission in organizing fair and transparent elections. She called for those responsible for falsifications to be punished, not limited to the “switchmen.” Pamfilova may sincerely believe in the possibility of organizing transparent elections, despite competition being reduced to almost nothing and the political need to ensure a decent turnout and count votes in favor of the desired candidate. But even in the Central Election Commission, not everyone agrees with the need to punish those responsible for manipulating the voting results. Pamfilova’s deputy, Nikolai Bulaev, called on candidates to withdraw their lawsuits against women chairmen and members of local election commissions, calling for pity: school directors, teachers and other public sector employees, who, in the event of criminal prosecution and dismissal, “will have nothing to feed their families.”

But this is not humanism, but legal nihilism. Perhaps only the prospect of inevitable punishment of all those responsible for fraud – from the ordinary falsifier to the “general” falsifier – can finally break the system of falsification. Many years of impunity have led to the fact that ballot stuffing, “carousel” and manipulation of voting results have become a common element of elections: their initiators and executors are confident that they have received an indulgence for violations, notes election law expert Andrei Buzin. Fraudsters are rarely punished: according to the Judicial Department of the Supreme Court, from 2009 to 2017, Russian courts handed down verdicts against 219 people accused of violating voting rights and election fraud. This is a drop in the bucket if we remember the hundreds and thousands of complaints that the Golos association records on the “Map of Violations” during each major campaign. Of the 197 convicted, only 13 people received real prison sentences over the past 10 years (the last time was in 2011, two convicted received short sentences). 102 got off with a fine, 53 received suspended sentences, and another 36 were released from punishment. The percentage of those acquitted under these articles – 5.7% – is incredibly high for domestic justice.

But the other big problem with domestic elections is that their real organizers are bureaucrats different levels responsible for the results. They know that for being too zealous, they can only be scolded or, in the worst case, transferred to another position, while if the right candidate fails, they risk losing their job with a wolf ticket. These shadow election managers have different levers of pressure on election commissions, but it is difficult to prove their involvement in fraud. The dependence of election commissions on local administrations must be eliminated and staffed only with people who are financially and administratively independent of the authorities, and the role of representatives of election participants in the commissions must be strengthened. However, now, when “systemic opposition” parties are often controlled by the authorities, this may not be enough: it is necessary to facilitate access to elections for truly independent parties. Otherwise, Pamfilova will only have to throw up her hands again, having learned about new, more skillful and less noticeable frauds.

Of course you need it! Just not like that and not for the reasons we think.

One popular blogger wrote that the question " Should you feel sorry for a man?? no longer relevant. His opinion sounded something like this - before, our fathers and grandfathers worked from morning to evening with one day off, while finding time for their personal lives, and for sports, and for leisure and lived 70-80 years. And our grandfathers also fought. And nothing - they didn’t ask to take care of themselves. And now the “office frontline fighters” play solitaire, hang out in the smoking room and have their first stroke at the age of 40. Somehow the puzzle doesn't fit. So, maybe it’s not an unbearable life?

Why I don’t like it when they write something without knowing the information (or don’t want to present it in the correct form) - the confusion of “warm with soft” begins again. That's how it really is. Firstly, the environment - the environment was cleaner, the food was healthier. But this leads to a logical conclusion: women also began to live worse, less often, and we should feel sorry for them in the same way. There seems to be a way out - lead a healthy lifestyle, play sports, don’t eat junk, don’t drink, don’t smoke, take care of your health and then harmful effects will be reduced to a minimum. Secondly, everyone forgets that life expectancy is determined genetically, plus or minus some errors. If your closest relatives (grandparents or parents) lived to be 80 years old, then you have every chance of living the same amount. It’s like with youth - you can stay in beauty salons, eat green salads, work out in sports, but look exactly your age, or even older - because excessive pursuit of something often brings the opposite result. Or you can eat and drink, not know which side to approach the simulator from, and still survive quite well. Every argument has a counter-argument. Still, taking care of your health is an important point. Men must be protected, but not only women, but themselves should do this. But how and how not to go too far?

Here the third factor comes out - what happened, why suddenly all the interests of modern men came down to the fact that “every Friday I’m in the city” (or even not only Friday), sitting at the computer and being away from family life? And why do they drink and smoke so much? The answer is dissatisfaction with life, nerves and immaturity. Previously there was a struggle for survival. The scourge of our world is unbearable competition for a place in the sun. Have you noticed how many representatives of the stronger sex suddenly decided that they were cool businessmen? “Working for your uncle” suddenly became shameful. There is nothing wrong with a person’s desire to realize himself, but who said that mountains of gold are shining for each of them and that starting a business is so easy? Oh no! - not easy, but still better than my uncle’s. It’s so much better that would-be entrepreneurs don’t sleep at night, fill their nerves with alcohol and absolutely don’t know a quiet life. Look what they are full of social media- quotes from great people like Steve Jobs: “You have to work not 12 hours a day, but with your head”, “In a crisis, it’s time to open your own business”, “if you’ve been fired, start working for yourself.” Here you will involuntarily believe in some kind of conspiracy - a conspiracy of men against nagging wives. I can just see how they say in response to the fact that they haven’t been able to find a job for 2 months, while my wife works 2 jobs - you have to work with your head, you fool, you don’t understand anything. Just think, I sleep until lunch, and in the evening I play tanks - but I’m about to give birth to a brilliant business idea (it doesn’t matter that I’ve been giving birth for 5 years), and you’re nobody, because you don’t even think about it.

I will say this - the second most popular request for a Tarot reading after love relationships is the question of how a family can get out of debt and a financial crisis. Lately I refuse such orders, because in previous scenarios there were never answers like - this is an evil eye, a bad influence, a conspiracy dark forces or someone's curse. In 99% of cases, the cards said the same thing - unwise use of funds.

For some reason, men decided that the phrase of the brilliant Jobs about “working with your head” (we still need to check whether he said this) applies to everyone. But do you know many people like Jobs? But many far from stupid people tried to achieve his success, but could not. Why do they even think that you have to work with your head? Who will work with their hands? People are all different - there are theorists, there are generators of ideas, and there are excellent performers or people about whom they say “he has golden hands.” Do they also need to work with their heads? The modern trend is a transition from individualization to equalization, from personal talents to the “obligation” to be the general director of one’s own company. Or at least a mega-cool “money earner” with minimal effort. And if not, you are a sucker on the fringes of society.

There is another constantly haunting thought - a man thinks “Am I a redhead or dumber than the rest?!” and throws himself into all sorts of troubles. Without understanding, without calculating. Not to mention that the argument “I’m not dumber than the rest” just shows him as not very smart - because smart person he tends to doubt, estimate and think about responsibility, and he also has an understanding that success in business has little to do with stupidity. It's just a suitable mindset and character that not everyone has - and that's okay! But driven by his pride, the man does not see the shores. Then for 90% nothing works out - hence frustration, self-disappointment, anger and envy of competitors, depression, nerves, alcohol, stroke and the list goes on.

There is another depressing moment. Even if the business seems to be going well, the man, inspired by the first, not yet stable profit, imagines that he is Harun al Rashid and begins to invest this profit not in further development, but spend it on “ beautiful life", getting into mortgages, making purchases that in fact cannot be afforded. And again - debts, financial collapse, losses, alcohol, etc.

And here it’s time to remember that a man has a family. There are men who sell real estate to invest in business, and then leave their family homeless. And it happens that a man begins to ask his wife for help. And here it turns out strange thing. Should a wife help her husband? It seems like yes - they are family, she loves him and doesn’t want him to get into trouble. But let's go back to the beginning - in which the woman either dissuades her husband from a risky business, or asks him to moderate his appetite for spending and do everything gradually, or - as popular coaches advise us - he completely trusts his husband to be responsible for his family. L - Logic. That is, at the very beginning, the roles are distributed: the wife is a Woman (either minds her own business and does not interfere, or a saw woman who does not allow a man to feel the thrill of money and self-realization), and the husband is a Man (a breadwinner, a generator of ideas and “generally better knows and is no dumber than the rest"). But when troubles start, the roles change. The wife is still a Woman, and the husband for some reason ceases to be a Man, responsible for his own actions and mistakes, and becomes simply a Man who needs to be pitied and helped. But what did he do when his wife also wanted to be a Person whose fears, arguments and calculations were listened to? Or maybe they told her then that a woman should inspire, but with her fears and caution she pulls him back. But who then does he count on first of all - the same woman. We tend to protect, support, pity and inspire men, but what about women? Give away what little they have in this life? What usually happens next is that the wife sells her property to help her loved one. But he does a disservice to all of them - because life never teaches a man anything. He made a mistake - his fifth point was covered. He didn’t draw any conclusions, and he didn’t have any incentive to do anything. One of the forums is full of such stories - they sold an apartment, invested, went broke, the husband can no longer work like that after being a director, he lies on the sofa in a rented apartment and “cries.” I once did a Tarot reading for a woman whose apartment was not for sale - and the price seemed good and the apartment itself was not bad, but it hasn’t been for 2 years. The cards showed that she would not sell - because the woman wanted to sell her son’s debts, and this is wrong. The son should have learned a lesson, and not solve problems at the expense of his mother.

Here's the second story from the forum - a woman has a brother and a mother, with whom she has always had a bad relationship, because... she cared more about her beloved son than about her daughter. The mother took out a loan secured by her son’s apartment for business. The daughter tried her best to dissuade her. The business went bankrupt, the mother lost her apartment. The funny thing is that the author’s brother lives in his wife’s apartment, and she is categorically against taking in her mother-in-law. The mother asks to see her daughter, but she is against it because she lives in a one-room apartment. Nice, right? Those who have nothing to do with it always suffer more. But the author still stands his ground - so that the brother, who is to blame for everything, shelters the mother. And he is afraid that then his wife will kick him out of the apartment with her and they will coo on rent, and then the question is - with what money, because his brother is not particularly looking for work.

So what's the bottom line? You don’t need to feel sorry for men, but you need to monitor what thoughts come to their minds and stop them before something irreparable happens, when you write to me - the business has gone bankrupt, my salary is 40 thousand, my husband doesn’t work, and we have a car loan, a mortgage and debts must be repaid. Men lose their health so early because they lead an unhealthy lifestyle and are nervous a lot, and they are nervous because they are meddling in something they cannot handle.

Understand correctly - there is nothing better than unlocking your potential, this is probably the meaning of our life. But this does not mean that everyone needs to reveal it in the same way. A successful business is the height of a person’s abilities, and not something that just anyone can do. No, everyone can do it - but what happens in the end? The same “hemorrhage” as when working for an uncle, only the uncle, if anything, is extreme - he bears financial risks, losses, financial responsibility, deals with the tax and supervisory authorities, it is he who does not sleep at night and sells apartments in case what, or even faces the criminal code. You can do business relatively well, but in fact - if you approach it without a mind and a plan - you are simply changing the awl for soap as the conditions worsen. Because you are the last one now. And now you don’t sleep, sell property, drink from nerves and have strokes. It's worth it? In addition, for a business to be successful, you need to constantly run ahead of the locomotive, otherwise cunning competitors will push you into the background. And for the first time I had to work in a way I never even dreamed of working for my uncle.

You can open your own business only in 4 cases:

- if you have extra money to take the risk

- if there is a brilliant idea (and it works, and not in the spirit of “special food for rabbits” or we will buy it on Aliexpress right now and sell it with a 1000% markup)

- if you have a good one, developed over the years, your own customer base(and not stolen from the “uncle”) and good connections with partners who will agree to work with you, bypassing or in parallel with the “uncle”

- if you are a cool specialist in your own right

However, in the latter case, I would argue that it would be safer for a good specialist to work for someone else, because they will cover him up and they won’t dare to spread rot, because They know that their competitors will tear them away. So, women, take care of men, but do it smartly - watch what they are getting into and don’t let them take the last risk.