Self-control in stressful situations. How to develop self-control. The best assistant in mastering the science of self-control is meditation.

Who knows how to pacify his anger,
He is like a sage who won his battle without even starting it...

From my own experience, I have come to a clear understanding of what it means to “Control oneself” and how important it is to preserve one’s inner self in any life situation. peace of mind. Personal experience has convinced me of the wisdom of making decisions from a state of peace and quiet. And moreover, such decisions always turned out to be the most correct and effective, because at such moments I relied on feelings, and not on emotions.

"Peace, first of all, must be within you. Peace and harmony..."

The scent of new life

When I began to comprehend this art, my life began to change seriously and, of course, only in better side. I began to look at myself and at the world that surrounds me differently, it became completely different... incredible. But is it? What has become different? Me or the world? What changed? When I asked myself the question: “What is actually happening”? The answer came from the depths of the Soul... I myself changed... and only I...

My inner transformation was reflected in everything, it was a look from the inside, a look from a person in love with life. It was as if the most beautiful flower in the world had bloomed in me, and its delicate aroma emanated from everything that surrounded me. The most delicate smell filled the world with completely different colors, as if I took a brush and began to paint a bright, happy and love-filled picture... a picture of my new life.

But in order to achieve such inspiration to create my own life in a state of love and joy, I needed to take strict control of my thoughts and learn to control myself in any situation, and for this I had to become an observer. Observer own life.

Every day I tried to observe myself, what I do, how I say and think. I was practically unaware of my life as a whole, only in some torn parts that split it into many different events and dates. They existed either in the past or in the future and were completely devoid of the present moment “Here and Now”.

In observing myself, what struck me most was that I paid a lot of attention to negative thoughts, which evoked corresponding emotions in me. As shown personal experience, one flows from the other, and if you clearly control your thoughts, you can radically change your life and skillfully control yourself in any situation.

In this article we will try to understand this in more detail. To master the special art of “Self-Control,” you first need to understand what thought is in general and how it comes to us.

Everything is just the most interesting...

I will give many quotes or excerpts from the books of Anastasia Novykh, which helped me at one time not only to realize the power of my thoughts, but also to be convinced from my own experience of their strong impact on the world. On this moment In my life, through an effort of will, I continue to form in myself the habit of switching my attention from a negative thought to a positive one, which undoubtedly helps me to be the master of my life. So, let's get started...

What is thought?

“Thought is an information wave. Her information is encoded in certain frequency, which is perceived by our material brain, or rather, its in-depth structures. And when a person thinks something bad towards you, then naturally, your brain picks it all up at the subconscious level. And when deciphering this code, the brain begins to model this negative situation in you, which then comes to life as an unconscious order from the subconscious.”

“- Absolutely right. Thought is real power. Much greater than a person can imagine. Thought is capable of moving planets, creating and destroying entire galaxies, which was initially proven by God himself.”

“After all, the thought is not visible. It cannot be weighed or touched, but it exists since it appeared in our consciousness. Thought has volume (at least informational). It is fleeting in its existence because it is quickly replaced by other thoughts. Thought has no mass, but can have colossal consequences in material world. In essence, it is Nothing.

(From A. Novykh’s book “AllatRa”)

“Have you ever thought about the infinity of your consciousness? About what is thought? How is it born, where does it go? Have you thought about your thoughts?
“Well,” Andrey hesitated, “I’m constantly thinking, reflecting on something.”
- It seems to you that it is you who think, it is you who reflect. Are you sure that these are your thoughts?
-Whose else? The body is mine, which means my thoughts are mine.
- And you follow them, since they are yours, at least for one day. Where do they come from and where do they disappear? Do you thoroughly rummage through your thoughts, what will you see there besides crap? Nothing. Just violence, just nasty stuff, just worrying about getting drunk, putting on a fashionable rag, stealing, making money, buying, raising your delusions of grandeur. That's all! You will see for yourself that the thoughts generated by your body end with one thing - the material support around you. But are you like that inside yourself? Look into your soul... and you will encounter the beautiful eternal, your true Self. After all, all this external fuss around is just seconds... Do you realize this?”

(From the book by A. Novykh “Sensei. The Original of Shambhala”)

I will also give as an example statements about the thoughts of the scientific director of the Brain Institute, academician, world-famous neurophysiologist Natalya P. Bekhtereva, who has deeply studied the functioning of the brain for many years.

It's a mystery

Natalya Petrovna, did you manage to “catch” the thought using the equipment? Much hope was placed on the positron emission tomograph at the disposal of the Human Brain Institute...
- Thought - alas, no. The tomograph is not inWe can neither confirm nor deny anything here. Other methods and devices are needed; they have not yet been developed. Today we can judge the state of the active points of the brain. During special tests, certain areas of the brain are activated...
- So, thought is still material?
- What does the thought have to do with it? We can say that in these areas what is happening active work- for example, creative. But in order to “see” a thought, you need to at least extract information from the brain about the dynamics of the impulse activity of neurons and decipher them. So far this is not feasible. Yes, certain areas of the brain are related to creativity. But what exactly is going on there? It's a mystery.

“- Absolutely right. This suggests that we are not used to controlling our thoughts in Everyday life. That’s why they lead us as they want, entangling us in their “logical” chains. And an uncontrolled thought mainly leads to negative things, since it is guided by the animal nature in a person. That’s why there are various spiritual practices and meditations in order to learn, first of all, to control thoughts.”

“- I would say that with healthy thoughts, a healthy mind, and with a healthy mind, a healthy body.
“Tell me, but you always emphasize the importance of thinking correctly, both during physical training and now,” Andrey noted. - But for some reason I used to think that you always just need to act correctly. But thoughts can be different when choosing an action: both good and bad.
- This is where you waste precious time fighting with yourself. You should not have a choice between a bad and a good thought. Because there should be no negative thought in your head at all. The meaning of the highest Art, the Art of the Lotus, is to learn to think correctly, that is, “kill the Dragon within yourself,” “defeat the Dragon.” Have you heard this expression?
- Yes.
- That's the whole point. The greatest victory is victory over yourself. What does this mean? This means conquering your negative thoughts, learning to control them, learning to control your emotions. I repeat once again, there should be nothing negative in your head. Only a positive factor! Then you won’t have to waste time fighting with yourself and your actions will always be positive. The world, first of all, must be inside you. Peace and harmony.
- So, it turns out that every action of a person reflects his thought? - Andrey asked, thinking about something of his own.
- She is not only reflected, she directs his action. After all, thought is material.”

(From the book by A. Novykh “Sensei. The Original of Shambhala”)

Work on yourself

“How often do you feel good? In a great mood? In high spirits? How often do you say to yourself: “Everything is good, everything is wonderful, everything will work out.” How often do you try to control your thoughts? It’s like a snowball - one thought sticks for another, and now we are already falling off nervous breakdown. The materialization of our bad thought has already happened. You need to be able to control yourself. It’s a colossal job to win over yourself every day, to control the energy of thought. When people really change their attitude towards the past and present, without blaming anyone, then the present and future of themselves, as well as their children, really change! The key to creating the desired future is in our current thoughts, feelings, and beliefs."

(From the article “Proof of scientists that thought is material”)

“When a person does not control his thoughts, everyone is to blame for his troubles and insults, he condemns everyone, is dissatisfied with many people, lectures everyone without following his own teachings in life, and so on. But when a person begins to take care of himself, he pays attention not to external, but to his own internal reasons, why exactly this way, and not otherwise, he perceives and reacts to the world around him. A person begins to understand why he succumbs to these external provocations and how he needs to divert attention from his multiple self-centered desires, grievances, and aggression of the Animal nature.”

(From A. Novykh’s book “AllatRa”)

“This is a good result. It is difficult to catch the thought of your animal, and even more so to fight it. It is basically impossible to fight this category of thoughts. For violence begets violence. And the more you try to kill her, the stronger they will manifest themselves in you. Most The best way defense against them is to switch to positive thoughts. That is, the principle of aikido, gentle care, works here.
- What if they chase me all day? What, I can’t cut it off with some strong word? - asked Ruslan.
- No matter how you “cut it off”, negative thoughts will still be intensified according to the law of action - reaction, action - reaction. Therefore, you should not fight them, but get away from them, artificially develop a positive thought in yourself, that is, focus on something good or remember something good. Only through this kind of gentle withdrawal can you overcome your negative thought.
- Why are there thoughts absolutely opposite to each other? Sometimes it happens to me too that I get confused in my thoughts.
- Let's just say that in the human body there is a spiritual principle, or soul, and a material principle or animal, bestial, whatever you want to call it. The human mind is the battlefield of these two principles. That's why you have different thoughts.
- And who then is “I” if the thoughts are alien?
- Not strangers, but yours. And you are the one who listens to them. And whoever you give preference to is who you will be. If to the material, bestial nature, you will be evil and harmful, and if to the advice of the soul, you will good man, people will enjoy being with you. The choice will always be yours: either you are a despot or a saint.
- Why did it happen that my admiration for taming my anger led... to pride or something, the growth of delusions of grandeur. After all, it seemed like she did a good deed, but her thoughts wandered in the other direction? - I asked.
- You turned to your soul - your wish came true. You have weakened control over yourself - you have been overcome by the animal nature, unnoticed by you, by your favorite egoistic thoughts. You liked that you were praised from all sides, that you were so smart, so reasonable, and so on... There is a constant war of two principles going on inside you for you. And your future depends on which side you are on.
I thought for a bit, and then clarified:
- That is, that “slickster” who reminded me of pain and prevented me from concentrating, the one who gave me delusions of grandeur...
- Absolutely right.
- So there’s a whole bunch of these thoughts!
“Yes,” Sensei confirmed. - They are legion, so it is impossible to fight them. This is not kung fu, this is much more serious. You can fight with those who resist. But there is no point in fighting the vacuum. For a vacuum of negative thoughts, you can only create the same vacuum of positive thoughts. That is, I repeat again, switch to the good, think about the good. But always be alert, listen to what your brain is thinking. Watch yourself. Pay attention to the fact that you are not tense, but thoughts are constantly swarming within you. And there is more than one thought. There may be two, three, or even more of them at once.
- It’s like in Christianity they say that on the left side sits a devil on a person’s shoulder, and on the right is an angel. And they constantly whisper,” Volodya noted.
“That’s absolutely right,” Sensei confirmed. - Only for some reason the devil whispers louder, his voice is probably rougher... What is called the devil or the devil in Christianity is a manifestation of our animal nature.
- When I discovered this division of thoughts in myself, I thought that maybe I had begun to develop schizophrenia. There’s also something connected with the splitting of consciousness,” my person said, finally becoming bolder.
Sensei smiled and answered jokingly:
- There is no genius without signs of madness.
Nikolai Andreevich laughed:
- Yes Yes Yes. By the way, I observe something similar in myself.
Here Stas entered the conversation, thinking aloud about his own thoughts:
- Well, if the mind is a battlefield between two principles and, as I understand, their weapons are thoughts, then how can one distinguish who is who? How does the spiritual and animal nature manifest itself in thoughts? What's this?
- Spirituality is thoughts generated by the power of Love, in the broad sense of the word. And the animal nature is thoughts about the body, our instincts, reflexes, delusions of grandeur, desires completely absorbed by material interests, and so on.”

(From the books by A. Novykh “Sensei. The Original of Shambhala”)

“- Remember: everything is in you! If you change inside, the world around you will change. Material problems are a temporary phenomenon, a kind of test for you... You have no idea how material your thought is and how it uses the power of your attention. If you give preference to your bad thoughts - the cacodemon, then, sorry, it’s your own fault that your “hemorrhoids” have entered a chronic stage. And if you gave preference to good thoughts, that is, daily stimulated your agathodemon center of positive thoughts, you would be amazed at your internal changes and how the world changes around you, as if God himself turned his gaze to you and came to your aid . These are indescribable internal sensations of Presence. When you are in great Love for everything around you, when you give this Love to God, your soul, which is His particle, awakens. And when the soul awakens, you will be the first to change. And if you change, it means that a completely different reality will open up, opportunities will open up that you never dreamed of...

This conversation, which involuntarily made the whole company fall silent, was interrupted as suddenly as it had begun. When Sensei finished speaking, there was silence, broken only by the crackling of dying embers. Everyone sat in silence, immersed in the mysterious world of their thoughts. The flame of the fire was fading, leaving a reminder of its former existence in the reddish cracks of the embers it heated, and even those, gradually cooling down, went out, turning into a pile of ash.”

Practice “Lotus Flower”

This spiritual practice is called "Lotus Flower". Its meaning is as follows. A person imagines as if he is planting a grain inside himself, in the solar plexus area. And this small seed grows in him due to the power of Love, formed by his positive thoughts. Thus, a person, by controlling the cultivation of this flower, artificially gets rid of the negative thoughts that constantly spin in his head.

The development of self-control is an initially incorrect formulation, since self-control is a normal state of the human psyche. But in a stressful situation, you can lose it, just like a boat in a strong storm loses its balance and capsizes. Therefore, your task is not to develop, but to learn to control yourself, maintain and maintain balance, despite any external stimuli.

To understand how to learn this, let's figure out what emotions are and how they work. Emotions are part of a signaling system that regulates human behavior depending on current circumstances. They can be compared to reflexes: when you are hot, you pull your hand away, when you are scared, you move back, etc. The difference is that reflexes are a quick and unconscious reaction to some real or potential threat, while emotions are more complex markers, thanks to by which you do not get confused in the multitude of surrounding phenomena.

Strong emotions such as anger, panic and despair also indicate a real threat, or more precisely, a threat that you perceive as such.

For example, a person may experience panic both in case of a fire and in the need to perform on stage. A fire is a direct threat to life, a performance is not, but panic or severe fear still occurs very often. In the same way, during domestic quarrels, uncontrollable anger may arise, which by nature was intended as a reaction to a serious attack. For example, a mother bear becomes furious when something threatens her cubs.

Why does a strong emotion arise where there is no single compelling reason for its appearance? real threat? Because our subconscious works differently than our conscious mind. Its markers have changed little since the times of cavemen; it does not know what modern society, civilization, law and rules of behavior are. Therefore, public speaking is perceived by the subconscious mind in the same way as speaking in front of a tribe or community, and if it ends unsuccessfully, the person can be expelled. Expulsion in a primitive society is almost certain death, since the harsh conditions of existence allowed people to survive only in communities.

Don't trust strong emotions

The main problem with emotions is a person’s desire to romanticize them: supposedly one should act exactly as one’s feelings suggest. Sometimes this is indeed the case, because nature has provided a lot for us, and where the mind “sleeps”, emotional sensitivity can even save your life. But this does not apply to those cases when an imaginary threat is mistaken for a real one! So just know that if emotions run high, they are almost certainly unfounded. If you explain and understand this fact, maintaining composure in a stressful situation will become easier, because there are reasonable reasons to trust emotional states you won't have it anymore.

Identify markers of loss of control

A marker is a certain feature of physiology or behavior that can play the role of a “warning light”, signaling an imminent loss of endurance. All people are different, so everyone has their own individual markers. You can identify them if you observe yourself in stressful situations. General signs are characteristic of almost everyone:

• change in complexion - redness with anger and pallor with severe fear;
• shiver;
• sweating;
• strong gestures;
• raising your voice;
• increasing speech speed.

Most often, the signs on the list mean that control has already been lost, so it is advisable to create your own list of individual markers in order to recognize danger as early as possible and develop self-control.

Identify the main irritants

That is, situations, steps or things that irritate you the most. We recommend making a list by hand and re-reading it periodically. This is also a type of marker: when you realize that you always react to the same situation in the same way, it is easier for you to mentally prepare for it and strengthen your ability to control yourself.

The irritants can be specific people: “ex”, bosses, relatives, colleagues at work, anyone. In this case, it is best to keep contact to a minimum.

Abstract yourself

To disengage, you need to understand that you are losing control in one of the three ways suggested above. When this fact is no longer in doubt, think about how you look from the outside. Evaluate your gestures, words, intonations, think about what you say and how. The essence of the technique is that from the outside it is easier to correctly and qualitatively evaluate behavior. If you can take on the role of an observer, you will be able to determine where you are going too far. In addition, the very fact of changing the object of attention will play into your hands, because you will stop thinking about the stimulus and start thinking about your own reaction to it.

Breathe deeply and evenly

There is an inverse relationship between nervous excitement and its physical manifestations. When you're nervous, your breathing becomes labored, heavy, and uneven. When you experience a panic attack, your breathing literally goes crazy. The first thing to do is to bring it back under control, this will ultimately help you learn self-control. Controlling the rhythm and depth of breathing restores the ability to control oneself, at least partially. This is why those who have experienced shock, trauma, panic attack or other severe stress are forced to breathe deeply.

There is nothing complicated in the exercise - take a deep breath through your nose and exhale through your mouth, repeat several times.

Change the object of attention

To do this, just count to ten. If you can't count while you're talking, take a break. Answer the phone, drink water, or talk to another person. The ability to speak beautifully is often associated with the ability to “recharge.” This is especially true for exhausting difficult negotiations that last for hours: this way you can reset the accumulated negativity and restore sobriety to your thoughts. The art of influencing people is based on gaining an advantage. In difficult negotiations, the advantage goes to the one who manages to take a break.

Don't close your eyes and try to think about good things, it never works. Only an activity allows you to really get distracted and not be nervous; find one for yourself. Sharpen your pencil, clean your computer monitor, refresh your phone browser. The main thing is to do something.

Act calm

Physical signs of equanimity suppress emotional activity; we discussed the reason for this phenomenon above using the example of breathing control. But not only breathing can return your well-being to normal; there are even more interesting psychological tricks. For example, a person is not capable of feeling fear when he eats. Eating is closely related to safety, because at the dawn of human history, one was impossible without the other. You can reduce the impact of emotion in almost any situation by simply chewing something. Also, an excellent medicine against strong feelings is laughter. A fit of real laughter can destroy all negative emotions at once, so much so that you won’t even remember them. So, if you urgently need to get rid of annoying anxiety, take a couple of minutes to read jokes or watch a funny video on YouTube.

Pay attention to a healthy lifestyle

It is impossible to learn to control yourself and your emotions by “tactical” means alone. To do this, you need a base in the form of a strong psyche, self-confidence, and good health. If possible, exercise, get enough sleep, eat right, spend more time outside and less time on the computer. Make an appointment with a psychologist if you have problems with self-esteem. This together will make you more resistant to stress than all the “strategy” combined.

Get creative

The creative process allows you to perform any action ritually, through created images. That is, when you really want to harm someone out of anger, envy or resentment, transfer this feeling to a drawing, poem or acting sketch. The result will surprise you.

read books

The most equanimous people are intellectuals, because books are a source of wisdom. The more books you read, the more examples of terrible mistakes made in the heat of passion in conflict situations, will pass through your emotional background. To put it simply, the hero of the book lost his temper and killed a man, and you suffered the emotional consequences. More books, more vaccinations, less chance of losing control of yourself.

In addition to the theoretical part of training at an acting school, teachers offer practical stand-up classes that will allow you to perform more professionally on stage or simply teach you how to make brilliant jokes at any party.

They say different things about emotions: some say that “emotions interfere with life,” others complain about their hyper-emotionality, while others, against the backdrop of now popular books and articles on the topic of emotional intelligence, are trying to increase not only IQ (intelligence quotient), but also EQ ( emotionality quotient)… Emotions themselves are an irreplaceable thing, but sometimes they are too strong - and this harms both the “owner” and those around him.

I don’t really like the expression “keep emotions under control” (I see some kind of pressure on the individual in it), but the fact remains: it is possible and necessary to control emotions and feelings. The ability to control yourself and maintain a clear mind and free from momentary outbursts of emotions is valued in any situation and in any place: both at work and in the family. I propose today to reflect on this topic: how to learn to control yourself?

Keeping emotions under control: why are emotions needed at all?

Just during the days when this article was conceived, I watched the film “The King’s Speech” about the recovery of King George VI of Great Britain from stuttering. The plot does not directly talk about learning to control oneself, but one idea seemed consonant with me. When the future king visits a doctor, he asks about his earliest memory in order to understand the reason why the Duke stutters. The doctor assures that no one starts stuttering just like that.

And it’s true - nothing happens for nothing, everything has a reason, nothing appears out of nowhere.

A person who believes that he needs to learn to control himself most likely means that there are times when he simply cannot control his emotions and feelings. He ceases to be the master of emotions. Emotions (usually negative) become his master, and he becomes their hostage.

Why do these negative emotions arise? They have their own reason (sometimes, like stuttering, it is rooted in childhood), which cannot be ignored. The negative emotion that arises is a red light that signals: something is wrong, some need is not being satisfied. Which? Your task is to find it (perhaps together with a specialist) - not to ignore it, but to come to the table with this emotion and discover: what's wrong?

I love what Jung said: “Depression is like a lady in black. If she comes, don’t drive her away, but invite her to the table as a guest, and listen to what she intends to say.” Jung talks about depression, but the words can be applied to any other disturbing emotion.

Be the master of emotions: suppress or manage?

Many people confuse and believe that suppressing and managing their emotions are the same thing.. To suppress means not to consider them important, not to pay attention, to forbid oneself to understand what is happening to me.

Managing emotions means showing them in the right place: after all, sometimes they are inappropriate, can offend other people, and do not allow you to calmly think about the situation. Controlling your emotions also means understanding and taking into account that sometimes too intense emotions are a consequence of lack of rest, lack of sleep, hunger, fatigue, illness...

Learn to control yourself: 4 exercises

1. Start with the face. If you want to quickly take negative emotion under control, then start with... changing your face and facial expressions. How it works? Usually we want to overcome some kind of negative emotion - anger, irritation, etc. To remove it, you need to “change” your face, giving it the expression of the emotion you are striving for. For example, smile, straighten the wrinkles on your forehead, relax your jaw if you are angry or very upset. Then start breathing evenly, slow down your speech rate, and soften your intonation.

The brain will be surprised at first: what is happening - everything is boiling inside, but the face and body are expressing positive emotions? But then the internal state will “catch up” with the external one: with a smile and correct relaxed facial expressions, you can control your emotions. I like this method for its simplicity, and it has helped me a lot several times.

Smile and your mood will improve and your emotions will return to normal.

2. To make it easier to keep unacceptable emotions under control, realize their hidden meaning or meaninglessness. Fear, anger, severe resentment, terrible irritation, upset... Sometimes with such states a person pursues his goals - for example, to gain attention to himself, help, to get his own; and this is often done unconsciously. Observe yourself and answer honestly: what hidden benefits do you get from your own emotions? If they are not found, then ask yourself another question: why then, in fact, worry so much, be angry, be offended?.. In fact, these emotions will only harm the one who feels them - and nothing more.

The contemplation of water is calming in itself. It’s not for nothing that restless people are advised to have an aquarium or a small fountain at home.

3. Visualize the emotion. A simple exercise will help you learn to control yourself: imagine your violent emotion in the form of fire - feel how big the fire is and how hot it is. Then visually pour a huge stream of imaginary water onto this fire - extinguish it so that not a single smoldering ember remains.

4. Use a sense of humor. Sometimes a sense of humor can relieve the tension of a particular situation, make better sense of it and, as a result, help keep emotions under control. Don't beat yourself up, just laugh. Sometimes it can be difficult to make a joke and mentally laugh at this joke, especially if passions run high - if you cannot resort to your own sense of humor, resort to the sense of humor of others: sit back and read for 20 minutes funny jokes or watch a terribly funny video or movie.

And you can not only learn to keep your emotions under control, but also eliminate reasons for the appearance and manifestation of negative experiences. For example, if you know that every trip to the market takes all your energy, and you will definitely be irritated by the slowness or persistence of sellers, choose a different type of shopping - buy online with delivery or delegate this responsibility to family members who do not have such difficulty, How do you like it? If work causes such violent outbursts of emotions, then perhaps this is the signal to change it

? Or maybe not only a job, but also a field of activity?

Self-control is a real art. Today, a positive-minded person is valued. But even the most resilient of us have our bad moments. What to do with feelings that are usually called negative, how to learn to control yourself and your emotions in any situation?

It is believed that negativity must be fought by any means, and positive emotions, on the contrary, must be cultivated. Psychologists have a different opinion: without sadness there will be no joy. Suppressing and masking negative emotions is the path to serious psychological problems. What should I do? Learn to accept and consciously manage the “other side of the coin.” Let's look at the secrets of mastering this art using specific examples.

How not to be offended by people and let go of the situation

Reasons for resentment can be found in every day of your life. An old friend did not invite you to visit, a friend wrote an SMS in honor of her birthday, but did not call. Colleagues at the corporate party ignored your joke; the husband refused a simple request; the acquaintance did not thank me for the service rendered. This feeling makes a voluminous, colorful and rich picture of existence black and white. Everything in your eyes becomes simple and clear: here I am, white and fluffy, generous and selfless, and here are nasty people and the same world around me. What to hide, to feel good among the bad, to experience righteous anger towards the offender, to reproduce in your head a scene of violent repentance, sweet.

But the end result is always the same - suddenly a person discovers that the voluntary state of the victim has “eaten up” his mental strength and time, which could have been used with much greater benefit. Fortunately, getting out of this state is not as difficult as it might seem.

Resentment and pain in the soul

The main danger of feeling offended is replaying the same situation in your head, focusing on the personality of the offender. This leads to the fact that the resentment grows beyond measure, bringing more and more more harm. The reason for “walking in circles” lies within yourself. Believing that you have no right to be offended, that you deserve such treatment, you try to hide the fact of the offense from yourself and others. Leave this approach! Being honest with yourself, having sorted out your own feelings, tell yourself and (even if only to yourself) the culprit of the discomfort: “I am offended.” Awareness and recognition of the reason that caused the storm in you will stop it.

Understand, forgive

Overcoming resentment is impossible without “absolution of sins” for the offender. And this can only be done by standing in his place and understanding his motives. Look at the situation from the other side. Perhaps the offense was inflicted accidentally, and in fact the person did not want to offend you? If this is so, is it worth wasting mental strength on accidents?

"I'm alone at home"

Before you pout, think about the consequences for your loved one.

• Firstly, others are not particularly eager to communicate with those who are offended for any reason.
• Secondly, perhaps the reason is not so serious. Then why waste your precious nerves on this?

It's about me

What if you yourself have a “stigma in the cannon”? You could accidentally provoke a person to such a reaction or make too high demands. Be honest with yourself. And remember that admitting mistakes and being more loyal to your neighbor will bring relief to you too.

How to learn to manage anger and resentment

Throughout your life, you have encountered anger more than once or twice. His. If handled ineptly, this feeling can cause a lot of trouble. But if you learn to manage anger, it may well become a helper, not an enemy, allowing you to improve yourself, better understand yourself and the motives of your own actions, and motivate you to new achievements. Therefore, if something makes you angry, use taming tactics in order to be considered a balanced person and benefit from even the most unpleasant situation.

Stop fighting!

When a feeling hits, most often a person tries by all means to calm down. In vain. In this case, the thunderstorm should subside naturally. Recognize that you have the right to feel this way. Accepting a negative reaction shifts attention to solving the problem, saving energy for a futile fight against the elements.

Let off some steam

But in such a way as not to cause harm to yourself or others: take a walk, call a friend, take three deep breaths and exhales, closing your eyes. No less effective is to mentally imagine yourself throwing thunder and lightning at mortals. Do you like this blushing, almost exploding creature with a distorted face? Then imagine how skillfully you suppress anger, showing miracles of self-discipline. Visualization prevents anger from taking over, helping you return to normal.

Prioritize by focusing on the solution, not the problem.

It is easy and even pleasant to return again and again to what irritates you, or to complain about the irritant. But in reality, this only does harm, preventing you from developing and taking an active, adult position in your own life. Instead, learn from the past so you can be more creative and smarter in the future.

Remember that you are a “reasonable person”

In other words, carefully study all the triggers of your anger, think through all the “retreat routes” in advance. For example, if you are annoyed by a colleague talking loudly and for a long time on the phone in her office, use her conversations as a break from work. Few people like anger, and by anticipating explosive moments, it is quite possible to remain collected and calm.

How to get out of despondency and apathy

Dejection, apathy... It turns out that these emotions can also be beneficial. All this is a natural process that is launched by the body itself for the purpose of self-defense. The mode, which is economical on emotions and activity, allows you to survive difficult moments with minimal damage, so that in the future you can rejoice, dream and hope with redoubled force. One who can cope with a difficult period is one who, even in the most crisis moments, does not forget: life is given only once. Honest answers to the questions below will help remind you of this. By the way, it is best to interview yourself every evening, and not just during attacks of melancholy, as a preventive measure.

• What did I learn today?

Only schoolchildren and the most responsible students can call this question easy. But those who are older will probably think about it. You will stop feeling the zest for life if you act according to a practiced, automated scenario every day. You can diversify your impressions by regularly getting acquainted with something new: previously unfamiliar words, scientific facts... Don’t forget about new physical exercises - your body also needs fresh impressions.

• How much have I been through today?

Mental health should always be at the top of your priority list. Meanwhile, many people treat themselves worse than their own mobile phone. They complain when they see a scratch on it. They run to the store and buy a durable case for it. They drop things at any moment in order to charge the “assistant” as quickly as possible. To find time for themselves, their energy should be, at best, at the level of 10%. Don't follow such a harmful example! Take breaks to recharge. Since breaks are required even by the most modern technology, why are you worse than a perfect, but not a living device?

• How did I make others feel?

Not everyone asks this question. Meanwhile, the manifestation of simple attention to one’s neighbor gives a feeling of the value of one’s own life and gives meaning to every day spent.

• What made me smile?

It is very important for emotional health to go into the world of dreams with a light heart, without depressing thoughts. To do this, make it a rule to end your day on a happy note, even if it didn’t go well. Simple, but so necessary things for everyone will help: listening to your favorite song, kissing loved one, listing all the good things that happened during the day, mentally reproducing especially pleasant memories from life.

• What can I do better tomorrow?

This question is especially relevant for perfectionists who reproach themselves for shortcomings and miscalculations. Everyone makes mistakes. Much more important is the reaction and not mistakes. After all, no matter how sad failures may be, they are useful to some extent, for example, they bring clarity. After them, a person manages to become more far-sighted - he suddenly realizes what is really required for further movement in the right direction. So allow yourself to “see the light.”

You just need to have the desire to develop your capabilities in order to learn to cope with yourself.

Try not to make premature conclusions in any situation. Before making decisions, it is always worth analyzing what is happening. An attempt to quickly respond to a problem may well turn out to be thoughtless and mistaken. To learn how to cope with yourself, develop the habit of taking a deep breath and counting to ten. This will help you focus on your thoughts rather than your surroundings.

After a short pause, the desire to express your reaction to what is happening may remain. In this situation, you will have to throw out your emotions so that they do not put pressure on you. In addition, anger may quickly disappear after a deep breath, and then there is no need to take special measures. The feeling of anger is quite destructive, but it does not have such serious grounds as hatred. Anger appears instantly and can go away just as quickly if you try to put your thoughts in order. Managing spontaneously arising emotions requires developing the ability to control oneself.

It is very important to pay attention to the moments when you start to panic. Panic seizes a person in many situations that do not pose a danger to him. A person can deal with his problems much faster if he simply stops panicking and starts solving existing problems in order of their priority. Memorizing certain information that will help you solve your problem will help you cope with panic. If you panic every time you miss your train or plane, remember the list of essential things you cannot do without during your trip. Panic can be overcome when at least some of the actions are brought to automaticity.

The reaction to what is happening should be adequate to the environment around you. During a business meeting, there is no need to show your emotionality, since this is not what is expected of you. When you find yourself at any holiday, it would be better to relax and communicate with people, rather than withdraw into your thoughts.

Don't let your mood change dramatically, as this will only push other people away from you. A quick change from a good mood to hysteria or aggression can harm you personally. Typically, adults control their behavior because they already have sufficient life experience and take responsibility for their actions.

Remember that being depressed or aggressive will not change your life for the better. As a rule, people who can overcome minor troubles and are able to control themselves can achieve success.