How to protect yourself from aggression. Verbal aggression and psychological pressure: how to fight back a boor or manipulator. methods of psychological defense against negativity

Protection and prevention of verbal aggression is a pressing issue for those who encounter it, and since rudeness in speech and humiliation through words are, unfortunately, familiar to most people, knowing how to prevent a verbal attack and how to protect yourself from it is useful for everyone.

IN Lately One rarely hears about morality and morality. Double standards, tolerance and the right of every person to self-expression (true in its essence) determine people’s ambiguous attitude towards aggression.

Aggressive behavior is indeed cannot be assessed unambiguously, each specific case requires separate consideration. After all, even such different phenomena as self-defense and intentional infliction of bodily harm are regarded equally as physical aggression, and finding the fine line between them is sometimes very difficult. You can never guess whether a victim will turn into an aggressor and vice versa.

The problem is that today it is not only possible, but also fashionable be aggressive to some extent. An aggressive individual is presented as courageous, brave, successful, self-confident, while gentleness and pacifism are the lot of the weak.

But to say that aggression is the right tactic and best model behavior in society is clearly incorrect and dangerous for society itself.

But while the world is structured in such a way that peace is precisely what is lacking in it, to the aggressor need to study regulate your mental state and manage your mood, emotions and feelings, and the person suffering from aggression – defend yourself from the aggressor or stop this kind of relationship in time.

Every person has had the experience of both expressing verbal aggression and hearing it addressed to them (read more about the forms of manifestation of verbal aggression in the article). The only difference is in what role one had to play more often, and how developed the individual’s aggressiveness as a personality quality is.

Of course, it is impossible to completely protect yourself from verbal aggression. Even if you surround yourself only with friendly and cultured people, there is no guarantee that a random, poorly behaved passer-by on the street will not shout an insult or laugh right in your face.

How to protect yourself from verbal aggression

The best defense against verbal aggression is don't answer it, don't react! But it is undoubtedly very difficult. Hurtful words cannot but hurt and hurt. Therefore, you need to learn not just to hold back silently, to endure, so as not to fight back while someone shouts and “throws mud”, but don't give it any importance:

• reduce the importance of what is happening so much that the words do not touch a nerve;
• see the positive in what is happening, be able to laugh at the situation and the offender;
• be aware of the negative feelings that arise in response to aggression and think of them as coming, controlled by the mind;
• humanly sympathize with the aggressor, try to distract yourself from the feeling of violated dignity and think of your offender as an unhappy person who most likely lacks love. Maybe he himself was recently offended, and now he’s just taking out his anger?

Most aggressive adults in childhood were weak and vulnerable; they really wanted, but did not have enough love, care, and tenderness. People who have had an inferiority complex since childhood and grew up in dysfunctional or single-parent families grow up to be cruel.

So to protect yourself from verbal aggression you'll have to try:

1. Don't respond to aggression. Just remain silent in response. You can answer only when the answer is thought out and there is confidence that it will be heard. The aggressor expects a retaliatory verbal attack; you shouldn’t follow his lead, you shouldn’t live up to his expectations.
2. A clear and calm “Stop!”. You can say, “Wait. Stop! You're angry. I will continue to communicate with you if I hear in your words and tone a respectful attitude towards me.” Such words can be accompanied by a “Stop” gesture and moving away from the interlocutor.
3. See yourself from the outside. It’s good if there is a large mirror or reflective surface nearby, then you won’t need to use your imagination. Looking in the mirror, it is easier to control your emotions (after all, you can see them on your face) and look at the situation as an outside observer. A mirror can also help an aggressor (but an angry person should not be asked to look in the mirror, this may provoke him to even greater aggression). Many people in anger do not recognize their reflection in the mirror: “Is it me? I’m kind, but this one is like a beast!”
4. Agree with the aggressor. This is the most unexpected reaction possible. Say: “Yes, you are right. I'm a bad person, I know it myself. You are undoubtedly better than me." Agreement will not resolve the conflict, but it can stop the flow of insults and lies.
5. React outside the box. This method is suitable in cases where the aggressor is accustomed to seeing the same reaction and is waiting for it to continue the attack. He will be discouraged by his unusual behavior.

For example, a husband insults and calls his wife names, blaming her for her imperfect figure. He is used to his wife crying when she hears criticism of him. If instead of tears the husband hears laughter, he will at least stop, and if his wife comes up, kisses him and says: “I’m glad that you are so attentive to me that you notice all my features!”, then he will think seriously.

Many aggressive individuals are guided by the rules “The best defense is an attack”, “He who is strong is right”, “You need to win your place in the Sun” and others. Fearing that they will notice their weakness, fear, lack of education, some other shortcoming, wanting to look better, stronger, more respectable, or simply out of self-doubt, aggressive individuals destroy harmony and order in relationships, the external and internal world.

In fact, everything is exactly the opposite: aggression is a weakness, and strength lies in being able to recognize your weaknesses, see areas of development, understand that the other person is no better or worse and come into contact with him “on an equal footing.” "

The best prevention of aggression is don't have negative feelings towards people: neither despise, nor hate, nor be angry, nor condemn, nor criticize. This negativity harms the aggressor himself more than his victim, although the victims undoubtedly suffer more from aggressive actions.

If you want to say nasty things to someone, you should not start a conversation at all and, in principle, communicate with this person! Why do this if you have the option not to? If it is difficult to come to terms with someone else’s point of view, behavior, lifestyle, this is not yet a reason to insult and humiliate your opponent. Every person has the right to think and act as he sees fit.

If an impulse arises or a plan matures to offend someone with a word, you should wonder: “Isn’t there another way to express your point of view? Is aggression really the last argument?

Putting yourself in a person's place, whom you want to insult, humiliate with a cruel joke or unfair criticism, you can find good feelings for him in your soul, at least - pity, sympathy. From hatred to love there can be only one step, and this is a step towards.

Another argument for not being verbally aggressive: It is extremely difficult to get rid of guilt. But it will certainly arise in the aggressor, unless he has psychopathy (a psychopathological syndrome in which a person behaves heartlessly, deceitfully, selfishly, and is unable to empathize and repent of causing harm to other people).

Yes, maybe at first to a normal person It will become easier, because you managed to shout, speak out, cry. All the negativity was poured out on your neighbor, all the obscene words came to mind, and their utterance even made life more joyful. But later, conscience will definitely awaken, and guilt will follow.

Verbal aggression (whether words spoken in order to avenge an insult, or in order to offend oneself) never brings relief, is not a way out of the conflict and does not restore peace of mind - that’s what need to remember, intending to attack the interlocutor verbally.

Before expressing your anger verbally, you need to stop and think about the consequences, because everything in the world is interconnected - how it comes back, how it will respond.

But what to do if it’s impossible not to experience negative feelings, and according to psychologists, suppressing aggression is harmful?

Suppressing aggression is really harmful, so you definitely need to express it, but refocusing to another, safe object or action.

In the end, if you really want to shout at a person and call him all the bad words, you can do it After the conversation with him, not during. Feelings will be expressed and relationships will be preserved. The main thing is not to take your anger out on other, innocent people. If you can't speak out loud, you can write down words on paper.

As prevention of verbal aggression use techniques to help express and redirect negativity:

• scream into the void;
• sing loudly;
• play active, noisy games, where everyone screams, you are allowed to fight, etc.;
• play sports (especially good different kinds wrestling, team competitions);
• engage in “aggressive” creativity: expressively splash paint on the canvas, beat, squeeze, tear clay, tear paper, etc.;
• do auto-training, meditate.

It’s worth mentioning separately on the prevention of verbal aggression in a married couple, since the problem of domestic violence is extremely relevant today. Men and women often quarrel over problems in the intimate sphere, even if the reason for the dispute is formally different. Sexual energy and the energy of aggression are similar, only the first serves the instinct of life, and the second - death. Sex is a creative force, aggression is destructive.

Lack of love and sexual dissatisfaction give rise to anger, irritability, bad mood, make spouses hot-tempered, impatient, which entails uttering mutual accusations and a barrage of criticism. In addition, men and women lash out at children (who automatically accept this pattern of behavior in the family as normal), colleagues, acquaintances, and direct aggression at themselves if their need for sex is not met.

On the other hand, marital quarrels and scandals often end with the couple “making peace” in bed. Accordingly, the best prevention of verbal aggression in a married couple is satisfying intimate relationships.

It is important to understand the difference between rare and adequate manifestations of aggression and chronic, pathological aggressiveness. If you cannot cope with your own aggressiveness or, on the contrary, the position of a “victim” on your own, you need to seek help from a psychologist.

10. Aggression as a type of psychological defense of the individual.

Aggression is behavior aimed at deliberately causing harm to oneself and (or) other people

Aggression is a physical or verbal attack on an opponent.

It reduces internal tension, but often makes the situation worse. It is known that aggression sooner or later necessarily returns to the person who showed it through other people, often while remaining unrecognized.

A constructive approach to using this state is to more actively strive for success. As, for example, it happens in football, when in response to the outright rudeness of an opponent, the energy, felt inside as indignation, gives strength for lightning-fast advancement and an accurate shot at the goal. A person experienced in energy work, who has noticed his aggressive state, can use its energy at his own discretion, for example, transform it into love and give it to people (see Atisha’s technique).

At the moment of frustration, the aggressive impulse is directed, in general, at the source of this frustration. This impulse intensifies with increasing frustration or tightening of the barrier. However, not all people react aggressively: this requires a primary tendency towards destruction or some infantilism of the psyche.

Main types of aggression:

Direct aggression is usually directed at others. It can manifest itself in behavior (attack, fight, physical force, murder) or in verbal form (swearing, derogatory jokes or statements, sarcasm, rude remarks). It is possible to turn aggression onto oneself (auto-aggression): self-accusation, deep feelings of guilt, suicide, starving oneself, “mortification of the flesh.” This form of defense is based on the increased importance of social standards (or the perception of them as too rigid), on the perception of barriers as completely impassable or the situation as absolutely hopeless.

Indirect (displaced) aggression is directed not directly at an unwanted or unpleasant object (person), but at an accessible object. This accessible object may or may not be related to the source of frustration (or barriers). So, a person can simply “pour out” a bad mood on the first person he comes across. Aggression can manifest itself towards those who cannot respond, towards the defenseless, the persecuted; it can be weak person, submissive wife or national minorities.

Displacement is a defense mechanism that directs a negative emotional reaction not to a traumatic situation, but to an object that has nothing to do with it. This mechanism creates a kind of “vicious circle” of mutual influence of people on each other.

For example, people who are targeted by the displacement mechanism are popularly called “scapegoats.” Usually these are people who are weaker, obligated or dependent on the person who is in psychological protection.

The mechanism of displacement is reflected in one of Bitsrup’s paintings - the boss came into the office in a bad mood and, as a result of this, “threw” him, scolding the deputy, the deputy - the clerk, the clerk - the delivery boy, the delivery boy, leaving the office, kicked the dog, the dog bit the one leaving the office. time from the boss's office.

This form of psychological defense is widespread in various types of relationships, and its prevention may consist in the development and formation of skills to find compromises in conflict, maintain consensus, or calmly refuse relationships with someone if they have already been overcome. In modern psychology and conflictology, various systems of prevention, prophylaxis and resolution of interpersonal conflicts have been developed, with the help of which a person can neutralize, or even completely abandon such a protective mechanism as displacement.

Passive aggression. In this case, the subject unites himself with the external aggressor and “takes on” his role. An example of this type of aggression is treason, betrayal, or “indulgence” in the cruelties of another.

<<<10Будасси С.А. Защитные механизмы личности. М., 1998

Psychological attacks

Have you ever had a time in your life when, after communicating with someone, your condition worsened: your mood deteriorated, irritation or apathy appeared, internal dissatisfaction appeared, and your confidence in your abilities weakened? If the answer to this question is yes, you can be sure that you have become a victim of a psychological attack.

Have you ever suppressed other people, subjugated them to your will, forced them to do something unpleasant? If so, you yourself used psychological attack techniques.

What is a psychological attack, what are its methods and causes, and how to protect yourself from it?

A psychological attack is any action or statement as a result of which a person is deprived of his internal psychological integrity.

In order to successfully defend against such an attack, you need to recognize that it is happening. A psychological attack, unlike a physical one, is not always immediately visible. Often it is hidden under the guise of a business or friendly conversation, benevolent instruction, philosophical discussion of a problem, family advice, etc.

One of the available methods that allows you to realize the fact of a psychological attack is to track discomfort states that arise during communication.

The appearance of such states in the process of communication is perfectly described by I. Ilf and E. Petrov in an episode telling how a great strategist took control of the former leader of the nobility. Let us list these states and illustrate them with examples from the indicated episode.

The appearance of a feeling of psychological discomfort during communication: nervousness, excitement, panic, unpleasant sensations in the body.

Ippolit Matveyevich had never dealt with such a temperamental young man as Bender, and he felt bad.

“Well, you know, I’ll go,” he said.

Where will you go? There is no hurry for you. The GPU will come to you on its own.

Manifestation of certain behavioral stereotypes and imposed roles.

Ippolit Matveyevich...didn’t dare to leave. He felt very timid at the thought that the unknown young man would spread all over the city that the former leader had arrived. Then it’s all over, and maybe they’ll go to jail.

“You still don’t tell anyone that you saw me,” said Ippolit Matveyevich pleadingly, “they might actually think that I’m an emigrant.”

Imbalance in the distribution of responsibility. It occurs when a person, during communication, suddenly notices that he “should” do something, without knowing where this obligation came from.

Ippolit Matveyevich, driven to despair... submitted.

“Okay,” he said, “I’ll explain everything to you.”

“After all, it’s difficult without an assistant,” thought Ippolit Matveyevich, “and he seems to be a big swindler. He could be useful.”

Why are we being attacked?

In everyone's life, problematic situations happen that cause a lot of unpleasant experiences. If you look closely at such situations, you will notice that situations that are problematic and unpleasant for one person may not be noticed at all by other people.

Another pattern can be noted: in the life of every person, approximately the same type of problem situations occur. So, one person becomes a victim of family scandals, another is often accosted on the street, a third is given impossible tasks at work and is constantly reprimanded for failure to complete them, a fourth constantly experiences problems with his chosen life partners, etc.

No matter how perfect a person is, such situations still get in his way, since it is precisely such situations that are the source of further spiritual growth. Trying to find a way out of such situations, a person develops the qualities he lacks and comprehends previously unstudied laws of Nature. However, such situations can bring not only spiritual growth, but also significant energy losses.

Why is this happening? What makes a person get into the same type of trouble over and over again? What attracts situations to him that cause these troubles? The answer is obvious. The source of one’s troubles and the magnet for corresponding situations is the person himself, or rather his energy structure.

So why are we being attacked? At first glance, the reasons for any attack lie in the psychological characteristics of the attacker (aggressor). However, such behavior is associated with deeper reasons, one of which is the existence of life scenarios, in accordance with which every person lives and acts.

The aggressor, like the victim, is under the power of a certain script that pushes him to a similar form of behavior. The subconscious reason for aggressive behavior is the desire to impose on the interlocutor some role in the same scenario. With this type of development of events, the aggressor and the victim can, over time, form a fairly stable symbiotic pair of people playing complementary roles in a single scenario. Thus, the main goal of the aggressor is to destroy the integrity of the attacked, and, above all, to impose on him a certain role in his scenario.

On the other hand, the person being attacked may have a question: “Why was I the victim of the attack in each specific case?” Indeed, the victim of a certain type of psychological attack is a person who is perceived by the potential aggressor as a victim.

Energy of conflict

In addition to the psychological component, any attack also has an energy component. Any conflict between people at the physical level is only a reflection of the corresponding conflict at the energy level, and the energy conflict begins, as a rule, long before the physical one and ends a considerable time after it.

A conflict situation begins when it begins to disturb, and ends when it stops disturbing. For example, you have a difficult and unpleasant conversation ahead of you. Already a few days before it, you begin to prepare, get nervous, and mentally take part in the conversation.

After such a conversation, there may be an unpleasant aftertaste, a feeling of dissatisfaction, a desire to mentally “find out”, change the content of the conversation. The conversation itself may not even take place on the physical level, but on the energetic level the conflict still took place.

Thus, interaction between people is a complex process of energy exchange in which energy is emitted and absorbed. Such energy exchange is not always beneficial for all participants in the interaction. Often a person leaves communication in a state much worse than the one with whom communication began.

There are two types of work with energy that can be inherent in every person in the process of communication.

Energy emission

With this method of energy work, a person puts a certain charge of emotional energy into speech or actions and brings it out to the interlocutor. The more a person puts such energy into his words or actions, the greater the impact they have on others. Of course, not every person knows how to remove energy, much less do it consciously.

Energy Absorption

Another type of working with energy is its absorption. Attracting someone else's energy into a person's field occurs when he attracts the attention, thoughts, and desires of other people. However, not everyone can absorb the attracted energy. For some, such energy only brings harm.

An energy attack can use both energy absorption and energy emission. However, the mechanisms of such attacks are different. In the first case, a person seems to “break through” with an overly intense directed flow of energy, and in the second, he is “clung” to the attacker’s field, which forces him to give up his energy for a long time.

Thus, the basis of any attack is the flow of energy emitted by the attacker. In principle, a person with highly developed energy centers can attack only on the energetic level, without resorting to words and gestures. However, a more common situation is in which the energy is released through appropriate gestures and words, so the type of attack can be determined by the nature of the person's behavior.

Let's give examples and methods of various attacks.

1. Attack of the worldview component of a person.

Such an attack is an attempt to impose on a person some of his own way of seeing the world or views on some issue. It is based on the inability of the attacker to check all the components of this concept.

There are two basic forms of this type of attack. The first of them includes any statement expressed in a categorical form, addressed to the interlocutor: “Man was created to work (to love, to suffer ...).”

Another form of such an attack is an attempt to force a person to go deeper into his problems, in this way occupying his mental energy and distracting him from continuing communication. This technique is used as an auxiliary technique to weaken the psychological and energetic defense of the person being attacked, sometimes before using technique 1. For example: “What is bothering you now (technique 2)? A person always worries when he lacks love (money, communication...) (technique 1 )".

The nonverbal form of this type of psychological attack can be a close, analyzing gaze, a knowing or arrogant shake of the head, etc.

2. Intellectual attack.

An intellectual attack includes various methods of information pressure, the purpose of which is to deprive a person of the possibility of consistent logical thinking. The following types of such attacks can be distinguished:

• the use of special terms that are obviously unknown or not completely understandable to the interlocutor.

• an abundant flow of speech, complex logical constructions that are made faster than the listener is able to critically rethink them.

There are also special “linguistic” methods that have become widely known thanks to the works of R. Bandler and D. Grindler:

• o presubpositions - implicit assumptions introduced into communication by linguistic means: “As you understand, I cannot do this”, “You of course know that...”. The assumption “As you understand...” is imposed on the partner as a matter of course, let alone admitting that you don’t know or don’t understand something...;

• o omissions such as “clear”, “obviously”: “Will you come with us?” - “Where should I go” - an obvious hint of coercion on the part of the inviters;

• o modal operators of obligation and possibility: “Is it worth thinking, is it necessary to survive?” - the presence of such an operator in the interrogative form turns the sentence into a negative one;

• o generalizations such as: “A man should be patient.” A high degree of generalization does not make it possible to comprehend them critically.

• An interesting, albeit more sophisticated method of intellectual attack is the creation of an “information fork”, i.e. simultaneous submission of two contradictory messages. For example, the contradiction between the content of the message and its emotional content, the contradiction between the meaning of the message and the situation: “I don’t want to distract you, but...”. It is also possible for a message to contain two contradictory meanings, but this requires special skill from the attacker.

• The method of causing infatuation with information can be illustrated by the following example: in the presence of colleagues, A begins to say something not very flattering to B about his qualifications, but then, as if having come to his senses, he stops: “Sorry, this is not in front of everyone...”.

3. Attack of the sensory sphere.

There must have been a time in your life when you were embarrassed by a compliment. If so, you have become a victim of this type of attack. Despite the seeming absurdity of this fact, only a very small percentage of people are able to accept sincere compliments (as well as give them) without a shadow of embarrassment.

Another option for a sensory attack is a pity test. For example: “Look what you did to me…”, “What life has brought me to…”. The result of such an attack is a feeling of pity or guilt, a heaviness that appears in the heart area.

A non-verbal form of a sensual attack is the expression of one’s love with a glance, a gesture, as well as sobbing and crying addressed to the attacked person.

4. "Force" attack

A force attack is actually an attack in the generally accepted sense, the purpose of which is to intimidate a person and break his will. Such an attack can be a simple insult, a threat: “I’ll do this to you now”; with the order: “Come on, come here.”

Another form of forceful attack is to remind a person of his real or perceived debts.

Nonverbal forms of this type of attack can be aggressive clenching of fists, fiddling with a weapon, chewing while talking, etc.

An interesting option for a power attack is “holding in your field.” If at any time during the conversation you felt that you no longer wanted to communicate, and something was preventing you from stopping communication, it was “inconvenient” - you found yourself a victim of such an attack.

Of course, over time, a person who finds himself in such a situation will be able to go about his business, but he will take with him a certain feeling of guilt, which at the energetic level represents a violation of the integrity of the person’s energy field.

5. Sexual attack

Perhaps readers remember the film "Basic Instinct". The main character, played by Sharon Stone, used this technique very effectively, for example during her interrogation scene at the police station. The essence of this type of attack is to express signs of sexual sympathy to a person at a time when he is not ready for it.

In our society, where, due to tradition, taboos have not been lifted from sexuality, this type of attack may seem very effective, since only a small percentage of people do not have complexes in this area.

Sexual attacks can also include vulgar jokes or anecdotes, indecent gestures, etc.

Non-verbal forms of such attacks are erotic gestures, swaying of the hips, inviting glances, erotic playing with objects.

Any type of psychological attack can be significantly enhanced if the attacker uses not only his own energy, but also the energy of any social entity: a group of people, a company, an organization, a government body.

There are several ways to use and, accordingly, energy sources that can be used in an attack:

• status: age, position, status in some system. For example: “As your boss, I must tell you...”;

• representative, associated with reliance on concrete or abstract third parties, for example: “I am from Pyotr Petrovich”, “On behalf of the team, allow me...”, “People see what you did to me”;

• traditional: reliance on “generally accepted” norms, such as morals, traditions, generally accepted opinions. For example, compare the phrases: “Man should not strive for wealth” and “The Bible says that man should not strive for wealth”;

• ritual, based on accepted symbols of dominance, for example, the attacker takes a psychologically more advantageous position (on a hill, on the right side, from the attacked, at the table, etc.)

One of the common types of psychological aggression is manipulation, which is the conscious or unconscious use of special psychological techniques to control a person to obtain some benefit.

Thanks to the dissemination of psychological knowledge, its widespread introduction into various spheres of human activity, primarily in advertising and management, this form of psychological aggression is becoming increasingly widespread. However, this topic, as well as ways to protect against psychological attacks, will be the topic of subsequent articles in our psychological section.

Methods of psychological protection

Just as every person unconsciously knows methods of psychological attack, most people also know methods of psychological defense. Nevertheless, conscious mastery of these methods is very useful, since it allows you to expand the range of psychological attacks that can be repelled.

Methods of psychological defense can be reduced to three basic techniques, which differ in the type of energy work.

1. Distancing from the aggressor.

This method is associated with the attacker withdrawing into himself, into his own affairs, and an attempt to distract himself from the frustrating situation. It is this method that the husband unconsciously uses, who, in response to his wife’s reproaches, sticks his nose into the newspaper or TV.

The distancing method is recommended as a method of energy protection by most manuals on extrasensory perception and magic. At the energy level, this looks like an attempt to surround oneself with a protective layer, a wall, an energy vortex, etc., thereby not allowing the energy of the aggressor into oneself.

The main disadvantage of the distancing method is the fact that any defense built in this way lasts only as long as the energy of the attacked is enough for it; in addition, being passive, this defense allows the aggressor to regroup forces and find a more advanced method of attack.

The myth that the aggressor’s energy will “reflect off the wall” and return to the attacker is rarely realized in reality.

2. Counterattack.

Counterattack is also a common method of psychological defense. Energetically, a counterattack is a release of a flow of energy towards the flow of energy of the attacker, as a rule, from the chakra of the same name. A counterattack usually develops into a regular scandal and butting.

For example, “butting” an intellectual type looks like this: “I believe that ...” - “You are wrong because ...” - “No, there is an error in your arguments ...”, etc.

As a result of this kind of interaction, the energy reserve of both warring parties decreases and, in the end, one of them - the one whose energy reserve is running out - breaks through. Power conflicts with some degree of probability escalate into an ordinary fight.

3. Method of psychological depreciation.

At the moment of psychological aggression, the attacker is deprived of energetic integrity, since he is forced to switch the energy reserve from other energy centers to the one from which the flow is released.

The essence of the method of psychological depreciation is to respond to the aggressor with a message at the center that is most weakened by him as a result of the attack, and thereby destroy the energetic integrity of his attack.

Signs of successful psychological depreciation are:

Interruption of the energy flow on the part of the attacker, violation of his psychological integrity, which can be expressed in a slight stupor;

Elimination of psychological discomfort in the attacked person.

Let us note that with successful psychological amortization, the attacked person should not have feelings of resentment, irritation, or a sense of resistance on the part of the attacked person.

Otherwise, this is not depreciation, but an ordinary scandal.

Like an attack, shock absorption can be enhanced by relying on various egregors.

The method of psychological depreciation was formulated in the works of followers of the school of transactional analysis, as a way out of the psychological game (E. Berne), based on answers like “Adult” - “Adult” (T. Harris). In Russian literature, the method of psychological depreciation, as a form of protection against manipur attack, was first described in the works of Litvak.

Psychological shock absorption of various types of attacks

Damping the attack of a person’s worldview component.

As a rule, people with a strong intellectual sphere have weakened emotional and sensual spheres. Therefore, a response based on the use of these spheres results in the destruction of the attack.

There are also some special techniques to absorb this type of attack. One such technique is “mediation”. The “mediation” technique consists in separating a person and his concept, i.e. at the energetic level - to separate the thought form from the energy center that feeds it.

For example:

Attack: "Man is a social being!"

Cushioning: "So, you adhere to the concept that man is a social being."

At first glance, the two phrases differ little from each other in meaning, but the first of them is a rigid formulation that claims to be true and encourages you to a certain form of behavior, and the other is just an abstract concept that a certain person adheres to.

Mediation can be carried out several times in a row, with each subsequent one significantly weakening the significance of what was said.

For example: “Man is a social being” - “There are a certain number of people who adhere to this concept, and, as far as I see, you are one of them” (3 mediations).

Mediation can be strengthened by interrogative formulation: “How long have you been following this concept?” This method causes the attacking energies to be forced back to answer the reflexive question.

With the help of mediation, you can absorb other types of attacks, for example, an attack of the sensory sphere.

“You feel resentment towards me (love, hatred)” - such a formulation separates a person and the thought form of his feeling. An option with two mediations is possible.

"It seems to me that you have feelings for me."

Absorption of intellectual attack

The most likely thing with this type of attack is a weakening of the sensory-emotional sphere. This is why lecturers go wild when they see students chirping happily or hugging in the back desks.

Using this feature, it is easy to interrupt the flow of speech that is boring you, focusing on something that gives you pleasure. This could be sipping coffee, savoring a cigarette, etc. An excellent means of absorbing such attacks are flat jokes, especially vulgar ones, and other ways of fooling around.

It is also possible to absorb such attacks with the help of intellectual specification, for example: “What exactly did you mean when you said “transpersonal”?” The last technique can be especially effective in repelling an attack associated with a generalization: “All men are bastards” - “Who exactly do you mean?”

Cushioning of power attacks

At the moment of a forceful attack, the attacker’s intellectual and sensory sphere weakens. The well-known method of depreciation proposed by the Rostov psychotherapist Litvak is based on the emotional depreciation of power attacks. The principle of this method is illustrated by the following example.

“You’re a goat” - “Yes, I’m a goat (with a joyful smile and a sincerely good attitude towards the aggressor).”

Such behavior usually shocks the attacker and deprives him of the opportunity to develop an attack. However, during the practical development of this most effective technique, two misunderstandings usually arise that negate the depreciation effect.

Firstly, with your answer you do not admit yourself to be guilty, but express your joyful attitude towards life and all its manifestations. Secondly, the answer must be sincerely cordial. Having uttered the right phrase, clenched your teeth and with difficulty extinguishing your hatred for the person who attacked you, you will not achieve a positive effect.

If you are an inhumane person and want to finally finish off the aggressor, you can say: “Yes, I’m a goat, but besides that, I’m a scoundrel, a scoundrel, a bastard, etc., and I can prove it..., I’m glad that you paid attention to this...” and so on, without forgetting (!) about a sincerely good attitude towards the interlocutor.

Intelligent depreciation is built approximately as follows:

You're a goat.

Please explain why.

Options: “How did you know?”, “What exactly in my behavior makes you think so?”

Note that in these examples it is easy to see another important feature of successful depreciation - if a person really has specific complaints against you, then you give him the opportunity to express them (and for yourself to listen).

"Sexy" shock absorption of a power attack

Of course, such depreciation is primarily aimed at preventing attacks from a member of the opposite sex, for example:

You're a goat.

You are so erotically angry.

However, more complex options are also possible. One of them is the “Rzhevsky method,” which consists of “weaving” elements of vulgarity into a conversation, just enough to keep the interlocutor in a slightly embarrassed state:

What languages ​​do you speak?

Russian, Ukrainian and French.

An important element in absorbing force attacks is the ability to stop an action of your interlocutor that you do not like. A reliable method for achieving this result is the following: in a humorous or other acceptable form, “command” the person to do this action. Even if he doesn't stop, his ardor will noticeably fade. For example: “I’m going to make some comments to you...” - “Say it” (in a cheerful voice, filled with readiness and a joyful smile).

Nonverbal attacks and nonverbal depreciation

As has been repeatedly noted, the most important element of shock absorption is not words, but the accompanying energy message that destroys the attacker’s energy circuit. It follows from this that with a sufficiently developed ability to remove energy, depreciation can be carried out without words at all, through the non-verbal component or directly at the energy level.

Nonverbal cushioning can be used to cushion verbal attacks, but in addition it is absolutely indispensable when repelling attacks carried out at the nonverbal level. In addition to those already described, we list some common types of nonverbal attacks:

1. A “friendly” but painful pat on the shoulder.

2. Adjusting the collar and other parts of clothing, “removing” dust particles.

3. Active gestures in your field at the level of one of the energy centers.

4. Comic boxing.

5. The constant desire of the conversation partner to get closer, to enter your intimate zone deeper than you allow.

Please note that non-verbal attacks can be divided into two categories: attacks associated with penetration into the interlocutor’s field, and without it. Since the first type is more dangerous, let us first focus on their depreciation.

The general principle of depreciation of non-verbal aggression is similar to what we have already discussed: depreciation of non-verbal aggression is carried out through a reciprocal gesture at the level of the aggressor’s energy center, weakened by the attack. For example, in response to a friendly pat on the shoulder, you can begin to hug your interlocutor, thus shackling his hands; a person adjusting his collar can begin to “correct” a button at the level of his stomach in response. If a person tries to pat you on the head, sit down casually (for example, to tie a shoelace), and if he misses, he will experience significant discomfort.

In order for shock absorption to be more effective, it is necessary that the depth of penetration of your gestures into the attacker’s field corresponds to the depth of penetration of his gestures into your field. It is also important that the beginning of your cushioning gesture be as close as possible to the beginning of the attacking gesture. Of course, your gestures must comply with the norms accepted in the corresponding subculture.

Actions should be as unexpected as possible for the attacker, and if possible even diametrically contradict his expectations. For example, if a partner is trying to enter your field, do not run away, but start moving towards him. A “ragged rhythm” or a sharp transition helps to unbalance the attacker: for example, if you find yourself in a “field holding” situation, begin to slowly approach the person holding you, if possible entering his intimate zone, and then, turning sharply, unexpectedly leave his field.

Powerful elements of nonverbal shock absorption are the gaze and smile. Views are modulated by energy saturation and differ in direction. The ability to remove energy through the eyes indicates a fairly high level of human development. As for a smile, it has never hurt anyone.

To conclude our discussion of depreciation techniques, let us note one more point. Successfully carried out depreciation does not yet provide you with complete psychological safety during the entire communication process. Having come to his senses, the aggressor can try his hand again, perhaps in a more sophisticated way. You should be prepared for this and for new depreciation. Gradually, you will begin to notice that such a state of internal readiness in itself stops attempts to attack, and vice versa, its loss, the desire to hide, uncertainty, and resentment attract them.

Ethical Considerations of Depreciation

The reader may be interested in the question of how ethical is the use of psychological shock absorption methods? Indeed, most of the depreciation methods are beyond the bounds of etiquette. However, any psychological attack also lies outside the bounds of etiquette! Moreover, classical etiquette is precisely a system of norms designed to protect people from the possibility of psychological attacks from each other. However, in modern society there are practically no subcultures left whose norms correspond to classical etiquette.

Therefore, the use of depreciation is the only way to maintain integrity in such subcultures. If the norms of communication leave a loophole for attack, then they leave it for cushioning.

Examples of successful depreciation

1. Jesus went to the Mount of Olives.

2. And in the morning he came to the temple again, and all the people came to Him. He sat down and taught them.

3. Then the scribes and Pharisees brought to Him a woman taken in adultery, and, placing her in the midst,

4. They said to Him: Teacher! this woman was taken in adultery;

5. And Moses commanded us in the law to stone such people: What do you say?

6. They said this, tempting Him, in order to find something to accuse Him. But Jesus, bending low, wrote with his finger on the ground, not paying attention to them.

7. When they continued to ask Him, He bowed down and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.”

8. And again, bending low, he wrote on the ground.

9. Having heard this and being convicted by their conscience, they began to leave one by one, starting from the oldest to the last; and only Jesus remained and the woman standing in the middle. (John 8:1-9)

Khoja came to the bathhouse. The bath attendant, knowing that Khoja was a poor man, gave him a holey basin and a torn towel. Khoja did not say anything to this, but after washing himself, he gave the bathhouse attendant twice as much money as he was supposed to.

When Khoja came to the same bathhouse a week later, the bath attendant, remembering Khoja’s generosity, served him well. When leaving, Hoxha paid half as much as usual.

Why are you paying so little? - the bathhouse attendant was surprised.

And I’m not paying for today, but for last time.

When will you pay for today?

But I paid for today last time. - Khoja answered.

(The Adventures of Khoja Nasreddin)

Are you loyal to your country?

I am glad to die for the Motherland together with Your Excellency.

(I am like the good soldier Schweik)

Examples of successful shock-absorbing behavior strategies

Exit from role dependence (Scheherazade amortization)

Let us recall an example this time from the tales of 1001 nights (by the way, it is believed that these tales were written by Sufis and contain a lot of esoteric wisdom). King Shahriyar, having convicted his wife of treason, was offended by all the women and began to take a new wife every evening, executing her in the morning after the first and last wedding night. The reader remembers that the only surviving woman was Scheherazade.

Scheherazade survived because she changed the rules of the game. Instead of the usual sex that King Shahriyar asked for and which he received from his other temporary wives, she also allowed herself to tell stories. Thus, Scheherazade's depreciation is a Third-Eye amortization based on changing the rules of the game.

It should be remembered that if you play by the rules imposed on you by your opponent, you will never be able to win, since the enemy created these rules for himself.

Thus, the essence of this depreciation is to give yourself the right to set the rules by which you are going to live and play, and therefore, the elimination of the corresponding insertion on ajna (taking away this right).

American psychologists have developed a model of assertive (self-affirming) behavior. From a psychological point of view, assertive behavior is the behavior of a holistic person. Below are the so-called assertive rights, i.e. rights that every person unconditionally has.

10 Basic Assertive Rights

I have the right to evaluate my own behavior, thoughts and emotions and be responsible for their consequences.

Manipulating superstition: I should not unceremoniously and independently evaluate myself and my behavior. In reality, I should always have my personality assessed and discussed by a wiser person of authority rather than myself.

I have the right not to apologize or explain my behavior.

Manipulative superstition: I am responsible for my behavior to other people, it is advisable that I give them an account and explain everything that I do, and apologize to them for my actions.

I have the right to consider for myself whether I am at all, or to some extent, responsible for solving other people's problems.

Manipulative superstition: I have more obligations to certain institutions and people than to myself. It is advisable to sacrifice my own dignity and adapt.

I have the right to change my mind.

Manipulating superstition: If I have already expressed some point of view, I should never change it. I would have to apologize or admit that I was wrong. This would mean that I am not competent and unable to decide.

I have the right to make mistakes and be responsible for mistakes.

Manipulative superstition: I am not supposed to make mistakes, and if I make any mistake, I should feel guilty. It is desirable that I and my decisions be controlled.

I have the right to say: “I don’t know.”

Manipulative superstition: I wish I could answer every question.

I have the right to be independent of the goodwill of others and their good attitude towards me.

Manipulative superstition: It is desirable for people to treat me well, to love me, I need them.

I have the right to make illogical decisions.

Manipulative superstition: It is desirable that I observe logic, reason, rationality and validity in everything I do. What is logical is reasonable.

I have the right to say: “I don’t understand you.”

Manipulative superstition: I must be attentive and sensitive to the needs of others, I must “read their minds.” If I don’t do this, I am a ruthless ignorant and no one will love me!

I have the right to say: “I don’t care.”

Manipulative superstition: I must try to be attentive and emotional to everything that happens in the world. I probably won't succeed, but I have to try my best to achieve it. Otherwise, I'm callous, indifferent

Psychological defense is a mechanism of behavior determined by the innate potentials and life experience of the individual, which allows him to protect his subjective

reality from the encroachments of others and destructive self-criticism.

Psychological protection guards the self of the individual. Man, as we know, needs constant confirmation of the fact of his existence. By actions, words, intellect, character, emotions, needs, creativity - by all available means, each of us tirelessly proves to ourselves and others: I am, I exist and I manifest myself; I have and strive to satisfy my desires; I am endowed with certain abilities and intend to realize them; I want to be accepted, respected, valued by others and to be helped; I have specific virtues and will defend them.

The main task of self-defense is to accept one’s own self and force others to do the same: “I am exactly what I seem to be.”

Often a person creates a more or less contrived image of himself and zealously protects it from the encroachments of anyone, including himself, from self-criticism. Sometimes he defends something that does not exist - a myth about his own self. This is how the most sophisticated self-deception is committed, which is hardly capable of any other animal. It happens that an unrealistic self-concept does not withstand any test of life circumstances, when a person’s achievements are very modest and many of his goals are not realized, when others make justified claims and fate does not work out. Nevertheless, psychological defense continues to protect the far-fetched self.

But no matter what paradoxes psychological defense surprises us with, it is an obligatory attribute of a full-fledged person. People differ only in the means of protecting self-esteem: for a strong person they are usually more sophisticated and thoughtful, while for a weak person they are primitive and unconscious. At the same time, in fairness, it should be recognized that sometimes a strong person descends to primitivism in protecting his own self, and at some point loses not only self-criticism, but also the dignity that he protects.

By protecting one’s self from unpleasant reality, from torment of conscience and feelings of guilt, from suffering caused by failures and awareness of one’s weakness, from the injustice of others, from painful experiences and destructive self-criticism, a person ultimately protects, as it seems to him, his face. Various forms of psychological defense are used: rationalization – biased and advantageous interpretation of facts; surrender - retreat in the face of difficulties associated with the realization of the Self; super protection – a defensive form of maintaining dignity in cases where a person is not able to adapt to the conditions of activity or the demands of others; aggression – instinct of struggle directed against fellow species, etc.

In this narrative, we are only interested in such forms of psychological defense that are aimed at others. The thing is,

that by manifesting and defending his subjective reality in front of others, a person uses psychic energy. The more clearly the subjective principle is in a person, the more she respects herself, the more energy she spends to protect her reality.

The personality is surrounded by an energy shell that protects against attacks against its Self from partners.

From this “dugout,” a person makes a decision on what to do in one case or another with someone who encroaches on his subjective reality: one can not subject the daredevil to energetic shelling, but calm down, pacify, throw out the “white flag”; you can escape from an energy fight, from a frontal attack, hide, wait out, dodge the battle; You can still warn the enemy from a distance: “Stop, I’ll shoot!” and fire a signal shot, send a weak discharge of energy; or you can strike with all the energy power available, crushing the enemy outright, so that he never again crosses the permitted line.

The admission of strangers into the space of intimacy is carried out by checking the “energy password”: you are pleasant to me - then I will let you come close to me, let you breathe next to me, look into my eyes, whisper in my ear, touch. The “stranger’s right to penetrate into the subjective reality of the individual” undergoes an even more strict test: only a select few have the opportunity to criticize, object, point out, order, and interfere with its desires. Any careless handling of this fragile personal world is intolerant and unforgivable - defense, as a rule, triggers immediately, and the attacker receives a powerful energy blow in the form of barbs, harshness, anger, rudeness or aggression.

The smart and stupid, phlegmatic and choleric, altruist and egoist, ignorant and pedagogically educated protect their ego with an energy discharge. And as soon as someone accidentally steps on someone’s “pet peeve,” an energy explosion is heard in response. Perhaps only a true intellectual maintains self-control in such a situation. One of the criteria of true intelligence is the ability to maintain sociability, good manners and courtesy while in an uncomfortable state.

Potentials, life experience and upbringing dictate to the individual the most acceptable strategy of psychological defense, which combines two main forces that contribute to the satisfaction of its justified or inflated claims - intellect and emotions.

Different strategies are possible:

psychogenic, caused primarily by the innate potentials of the individual;

sociogenic, arising on the basis of life experience, under the influence of example.

Dominant in the defense of subjective reality, as evidenced by

practice, most often becomes one of three energy strategies: peacefulness avoidance aggression

Strategies differ in the ratio of intellect and emotions in them, as well as in the quality of the energy accompanying them: peacefulness is associated with positive discharges, avoidance is accompanied by neutral energy, aggression – negative. Moreover, each of the strategies can manifest itself in a more or less severe version, for example, aggression can range from rivalry and resentment to malicious attacks and threats against partners.

Your dominant psychological defense strategy when communicating with partners

To install it, it is important to choose the answer that best suits you:

1. Knowing yourself, you can say:

a) I am rather a peace-loving, flexible person;

b) I am rather a flexible person, able to bypass difficult situations and avoid conflicts;

c) I am rather a person who goes straight, uncompromising, categorical.

2. When you mentally sort things out with your offender, most often:

a) looking for a way to reconcile;

b) thinking about a way to avoid dealing with him;

c) thinking about how to punish him or put him in his place.

3. In a controversial situation, when your partner is clearly not trying or does not want to understand you, you are most likely to:

a) you will calmly try to ensure that he understands you;

b) try to stop communicating with him;

c) you will get angry, offended or angry.

4. If, while defending your important interests, you feel that you might quarrel with a good person, then:

a) make significant concessions;

b) back down from your claims;

c) you will defend your interests.

5. In a situation where they are trying to offend or humiliate you, you are most likely to:

a) try to be patient and see the matter through to the end;

b) diplomatically withdraw from contacts;

c) give a worthy rebuff.

6. When interacting with a powerful and at the same time unfair leader, you:

a) will be able to cooperate in the interests of the cause;

b) try to have as little contact with him as possible;

c) you will resist his style, actively defending your interests.

7. If the solution to the issue depends only on you, but your partner has hurt your pride, then you:

a) go towards him;

b) move away from a specific decision;

c) resolve the issue not in favor of the partner.

8. If one of your friends makes offensive attacks against you from time to time, you:

a) you will not attach much importance to this;

b) try to limit or stop contacts;

c) give a worthy rebuff every time.

9. If your partner has complaints against you and is annoyed at the same time, then you are more accustomed to:

a) first reassure him, and then respond to complaints;

b) avoid a showdown with a partner in this state;

c) put it in its place or interrupt it.

10. If one of your colleagues starts telling you about the bad things that others say about you, then you:

a) listen tactfully to the end;

b) ignore it;

c) interrupt the story mid-sentence.

11. If your partner is too assertive and wants to get benefits at your expense, then you:

a) make a concession for the sake of peace;

b) avoid making a final decision in the hope that your partner will calm down and then you will return to the issue;

c) make it clear to your partner that he will not receive benefits for

12. When you are dealing with a partner who acts on the principle of "get more", you:

a) patiently achieve your goals;

b) prefer to limit interaction with him;

c) decisively put such a partner in his place.

13. When dealing with an arrogant person, you:

a) approach it through patience and diplomacy;

b) reduce communication to a minimum;

c) act using the same methods.

14. When an arguer is hostile to you, you usually:

a) calmly and patiently overcome his mood;

b) withdraw from communication;

c) besiege him or respond in kind.

15. When you are asked unpleasant, probing questions, you most often:

a) answer them calmly;

b) avoid direct answers;

c) “start up”, lose your composure. 16. When acute disagreements arise between you and your partner, it is most often:

a) forces you to look for a way out of the situation, find a compromise, make concessions;

b) encourages smoothing out contradictions and not emphasizing differences in positions;

c) activates the desire to prove that one is right.

17. If your partner wins an argument, you are more accustomed to:

a) congratulate him on his victory;

b) pretend that nothing special is happening;

c) “fight to the last bullet.”

18. In cases where relationships with a partner become conflicting, you have made it a rule:

a) “peace at any cost” – admit defeat, apologize, meet your partner’s wishes;

b) “pass to the side” - limit contacts, avoid a dispute;

c) “dot the i's” - clarify all the differences, and certainly find a way out of the situation.

19. When a conflict concerns your interests, you most often manage to win it:

a) thanks to diplomacy and flexibility of mind;

b) through endurance and patience;

c) due to temperament and emotions.

20. If one of your colleagues intentionally hurts your pride, you:

a) gently and correctly reprimand him;

b) you will not aggravate the situation, pretend as if nothing happened;

c) give a worthy rebuff.

21. When loved ones criticize you, you:

a) accept their comments with gratitude;

b) try not to pay attention to criticism;

c) feel irritated, resist or become angry.

22. If one of your family or friends tells you a lie, you usually prefer:

a) calmly and tactfully seek the truth;

b) pretend that you don’t notice the lie, avoid an unpleasant turn of events;

c) decisively bring the liar to clean water.

23. When you are irritated and nervous, you most often:

a) look for sympathy and understanding;

b) seclude yourself so as not to show your condition on your partners;

c) take it out on someone, look for a “scapegoat”.

24. When one of your colleagues, less worthy and capable than you, receives encouragement from your superiors, you:

a) you are happy for your colleague;

b) do not attach much importance to the fact;

c) feel upset, sad or angry.

Data processing To determine your inherent strategy of psychological defense in communicating with partners, you need to calculate the sum of responses of each type: “a” – peacefulness, “b” – avoidance, “c” – aggression. The more answers of one type or another, the more clearly expressed the corresponding strategy; if their number is approximately the same, it means that in contact with partners you are actively using different defenses of your subjective reality

Interpretation of results. What is the content and operating principle of each of these strategies?

Peacefulness is a psychological strategy for protecting the subjective reality of the individual, in which intelligence and character play a leading role.

The intellect extinguishes or neutralizes the energy of emotions in cases where a threat arises to the self of the individual. Peacefulness presupposes partnership and cooperation, the ability to compromise, make concessions and be pliable, the willingness to sacrifice some of one’s interests in the name of the main thing - preserving dignity. In some cases, peacefulness means adaptation, the desire to yield to the pressure of a partner, not to aggravate relationships and not to get involved in conflicts, so as not to put one’s self to the test.

Intelligence alone, however, is often not enough for peacefulness to become the dominant defense strategy. It is also important to have a suitable character - soft, balanced, sociable. Intelligence combined with a “good” character creates a psychogenic prerequisite for peacefulness. Of course, it also happens that a person with an unimportant character is also forced to show peacefulness. Most likely, he was “broken down by life”, and he made a wise conclusion: we must live in peace and harmony. In this case, his defense strategy is determined by experience and circumstances, that is, it is sociogenic. In the end, it is not so important what motivates a person - nature or experience, or both together - the main result is whether peacefulness is the leading strategy of psychological defense or manifests itself only occasionally, along with other strategies.

It should not be assumed that peacefulness is an impeccable strategy for protecting the Self, suitable in all cases. Complete or sugary peacefulness is proof of spinelessness and lack of will, loss of self-esteem, which is precisely what psychological defense is designed to protect. The winner should not become a trophy. It is best when peacefulness dominates and is combined with other strategies (their soft ones).

Avoidance is a psychological strategy for protecting the subjective

greasiness, based on saving intellectual and emotional resources.

The individual habitually bypasses or leaves areas of conflict and tension without a fight when his Self is under attack. At the same time, he does not openly waste the energy of emotions and minimally strains the intellect. Why does he do this? There are different reasons. Avoidance is psychogenic in nature if it is due to the natural characteristics of the individual. He has weak innate energy: poor, rigid emotions, mediocre intelligence, sluggish temperament. Another option is possible: a person has a powerful intellect from birth to avoid tense contacts, not to get involved with those who annoy his self. However, observations show that intelligence alone is not enough for the dominant strategy of avoidance. Smart people are often actively involved in protecting their subjective reality, and this is natural: the intellect is called upon to guard our needs, interests, values ​​and gains. Obviously, will is also needed. Finally, such an option is also possible when a person forces himself to avoid sharp corners in communication and conflict situations, and knows how to tell himself in time: “don’t get in trouble with your Self.” To do this, you need to have a strong nervous system, will and, undoubtedly, life experience behind you, which at the right moment reminds you: “don’t pull the blanket over yourself, don’t spit against the wind, don’t sit in the wrong trolleybus, make a pass to the side.”

So what happens? The strategy of peacefulness is built on the basis of a good intellect and an accommodating character - very high demands on the individual. Avoidance is supposedly simpler and does not require special mental and emotional costs, but it is also due to increased demands on the nervous system and will. Aggression is a different matter - using it as a strategy to protect your Self is as easy as shelling pears.

Aggression is a psychological strategy for protecting the subjective reality of the individual, acting on the basis of instinct.

The instinct of aggression is one of the “big four” instincts common to all animals - hunger, sex, fear and aggression. This immediately explains the indisputable fact that aggression does not leave the repertoire of emotional reactions. It is enough to take a mental look at typical communication situations to see how common, easily reproducible and familiar it is in hard or soft forms. Its powerful energy protects the self of the individual on the street in a city crowd, in public transport, in line, at work, at home, in relationships with strangers and very close people, with friends and lovers. Aggressive ones can be seen from afar. They love bright clothes, rich colors, loud cosmetics. It is known from the behavior of some animal species: the brighter the color, the more aggression. The most aggressive coral fish have “poster” or “flag” colors. Red jackets and colorful ties are a very characteristic attribute

grotesque self-expression, indicating more strength than intelligence.

Today they are talking about a boom in aggression, but most likely it is permanent. We sometimes naively believe that there were less aggressive times - this is journalism; In this way we admonish ourselves, we try to reach our conscience. In fact, aggression is an indestructible defense strategy.

At first glance, it is strange, if not paradoxical, that the PERSON, the product of all social relations, in defense of its REALITY AND DIGNITY uses instinct, that is, a blind, unconscious force, a consistent chain of automated behavioral acts. Where is His Majesty's reason? Why does he allow a completely mature and educated individual to descend into aggression?

Indeed, there is a lot of strange things in the mechanism of aggression of modern highly intelligent and social creatures. Ethology now knows so much about the natural history of aggression that it is already permissible to talk about some violations of this instinct in people. Under natural conditions, aggression serves to preserve life and the species. But this is in natural conditions, in a clash with the destructive forces of nature and mortal enemies, to protect territory and position in the hierarchy. One can accept aggression as an appropriate form of fierce competition in the struggle for the survival of a people, tribe or clan.

However, why is the most ordinary person ready to use aggression on every insignificant occasion? Why is aggression generally chosen as a means of sorting out relationships with fellow humans, representatives of one’s own species? Why is it such a common occurrence among loved ones and relatives, as if people are losing the ability to distinguish who is “ours” and who is “strangers”? Why did two people warm each other with great love yesterday, but today they experience mutual hatred? In general, on what basis do we habitually repeat: “from love to hate there is one step”? According to what kind of ridiculous laws can the energy of love be transformed into its complete opposite in a short period of time? Is it a paradox or a banality that the most intimate personal connections that exist between living beings are fully saturated with aggression?

Of course, any “strangeness” can, if desired, be found with an intelligible explanation. Obviously, the decisive role in such an energetic somersault, when love develops into hatred, is played by intelligence, resentment, our values, wounded human dignity, that is, PERSONALITY. So we get a paradox: the source of aggression is the pinnacle of nature’s creation - the individual.

As the threat to the subjective reality of the individual increases, his aggression increases.

Personality and the instinct of aggression, it turns out, are quite compatible, and the intellect plays the role of a “transfer link” - with its

With the help of aggression, aggression is “intensified”, “spinned to its fullest.” The intellect works in transformer mode, intensifying aggression due to the meaning attached to it: YOU are insulting me! You're the one insulting ME! You are the one INSULTING me!

An intellectual personality with an instinct for aggression is the most terrible “invention” of civilization.

Here it is appropriate to refer to the outstanding modern Austrian scientist K. Lorenz, an expert in the field of psychology of aggression. Arguing that aggressiveness is an innate, instinctively determined property of all higher animals - and proving this with many convincing examples - the scientist came to the conclusion: “There are good reasons to consider intraspecific aggression the most serious danger that threatens humanity in modern conditions of cultural, historical and technical development". (Lorenz K. Aggression. The so-called "evil". M. 1994)

The ethologist’s conclusion is quite depressing, especially if you remember in what ordinary circumstances a person is ready to resort to aggression. If you hurt your back on the bus - you get anger in response, if you offend with a word - anger, if you get punished with a deduction from your bonus - a torrent of abuse, if you let your partner down - a storm of hatred, if you stole a bunch of carrots from the garden - a flurry of curses. It’s scary to even imagine the average person in an aggressive state about a “damned egg”: distorted physiognomy, bulging veins, tense muscles, clenched fists. What powerful energy is released onto a fellow species in the defense of subjective reality. An evil inheritance is in our blood.

Of course, one can justify homosapiens: he protects his intimate psychological space, self-esteem or personal interests. But why, so intelligent and socialized, does he not use delicate means, polite signs, convincing words for this? For example, the nightingales “guessed” to use singing in order to warn their relatives from afar - for they only address them - that the local area had already found a strong and warlike owner. How primitive and ugly human aggression is when it performs the same preventive function in different situations. It is a pity that people have not chosen something resembling a nightingale’s trill as a means of protecting the ego, but they show enviable ingenuity in using aggressive forms of psychological defense.

Constantly using many variants of aggression, we have learned to react mainly to strong stimuli.

A vicious circle has arisen: aggression has become a necessary means of influencing the environment, which can only react to aggression, to rudeness, to shouting, to rudeness. Aggression has acquired distinct sociogenic character.

Here are just some of its modern forms:

/. “Extrapunitivity” is the tendency to always blame others for everything and never blame oneself.

There are people who are “never to blame for anything.” They are convinced that their lives did not work out because they were born under an unlucky star, that circumstances are most often not in their favor, that they were unlucky in choosing friends, creating a marriage, and that their superiors treat them undeservedly badly. In the consciousness and thinking of such people, frank accusatory tendencies predominate, that is, the desire to see the causes and consequences of what is happening in one direction - in others, in circumstances, but not in themselves. This distorts and simplifies reality: the dialectical nature of the connections between causes and effects and effects with causes is replaced by subjectivity. Often a person seems to exclude his or her self from cause-and-effect relationships.

Interaction with others becomes challenging, built on the basis of confrontation and attacks. Naturally, this gives rise to negative responses from partners, and an uncommunicative atmosphere arises, permeated with the energy of negative emotions.

Accusatory tendencies in intelligence manifest themselves in various situations:

A business partner, trying to explain his ideas to another, says: “I see that you do not understand what I want to say.” – Typical aggressive attack towards the interlocutor; indirect statement: I am smart and you are stupid.

When asked by the manager to report on the completion of the task, the subordinate replies: “If you had given me clear instructions on what to do, I would have done so.” – Such a turn of phrase is nothing more than a negative discharge. It is capable of causing a defensive response: “If something wasn’t clear to you, why didn’t you clarify, and now you’re making excuses?” and so on.

At a meeting, one of the employees turns to the manager: “With your inconsistent orders, you have led us, your subordinates, to a dead end.” - What is called “a point-blank shot,” no peacefulness or avoidance, but a clear aggressive attack.

The secretary-typist, caught having another cigarette break, seems to make excuses to the boss: “Your handwriting is very unclear, so I’m typing your manuscript slowly.” – Although the shot was fired from a small-caliber blowgun, it is unlikely to be forgotten by the boss. The answer can come immediately. “If you let me down one more time, I’ll fire you”

2. “The search for a target is the desire to take out aggression on an innocent subject or uninvolved object.

Variations of this behavioral form are looking for a “scapegoat” or “whipping boy.”

A typical “target search” pattern is this: you hit yourself on a joint

chair and angrily throw it, as if this object, and not you, are to blame for your clumsiness. In everyday life, the role of the object on which anger, frustration, rage, and fits of anger are poured out is a loved one or someone who happens to be at hand. The aggressor unconsciously finds the “culprit” and it becomes easier for him - an object for the outpouring of negative emotions has been found. You can insult him. You can hit. The main thing is to remain unpunished. Impunity is a powerful incentive for aggression.

3. “Justification through attack” is a mechanism of aggression based on substituting the object of censure - the aggressor substitutes another in his place.

It is difficult for an aggressive person to admit a mistake, a mistake, or an embarrassment that has occurred. The resulting energy tension requires discharge. Where should it be directed? It is easiest to attack a witness of a mistake, an opponent or a critic. The basic principle of behavior is often chosen to be the worldly pseudo-wisdom: “attack is the best form of defense.” Saying this motto under his breath or throwing it at those around him, the aggressor destroys with black energy right and left. You reprimand him, and he responds, “It’s not for you to teach me.” You make a claim to him, and he: “look at yourself.” You come to him with a peaceful wish, and he tells you: “Whose cow would moo...”. If you tell the aggressor about the need to pay attention to personal discipline or the quality of work, he instantly finds flaws in your activities or “digs” even deeper - discusses the facts of your biography. An aggressive person is often immoral.

4. “Righteous anger” – justification of one’s own aggression with a sublime motive.

The aggressor understands that certain feelings or actions diminish his dignity. Envy is shameful. It is difficult to survive a defeat in love or a fiasco in the field of art. It is unpleasant to admit to yourself that you are rude, deceitful, immoral. It is terrible to tell yourself that I am dull, primitive. But the soul is boiling, negative emotions are ready to burst out. And here “righteous anger” comes to the rescue. Indignation takes the form of noble protest. Envy is disguised as reasoning about honor and dignity: “I don’t envy, I’m just annoyed by careerists, dodgers, people who go over their heads towards their goal.” Rejection of personal failure in creativity takes various forms of criticism directed at more successful colleagues: “If you are principled, then you must admit that this is far from talent.” Immorality is justified by certain higher values" "I do not forgive meanness even to those closest to me." With the help of "righteous anger" the untalented eliminate the talented, the lazy eliminate the hardworking, the dishonest eliminate the honest.

5. “Projection of negative qualities” – attributing one’s shortcomings to a partner.

An aggressive person experiences the fact that he has shortcomings. However, she does not intend to acknowledge them, much less overcome them,

after all, it is a difficult task to remake oneself or get rid of a part of oneself, even if it is condemned. And then, unconsciously, the temptation arises to blame others for one’s own vices, as if to equate one’s bad self with the self of others. That is why a bilious, dishonest, rude, envious, greedy, vicious person willingly finds these and other shortcomings in another. Your own bad qualities cause internal discomfort, but if you see them in your partner, it becomes easier: “I’m not the only one bad.”

6. “Self-affirmation by humiliating another” - aggression based on devaluation of the partner’s merits.

To say to yourself: “I am mediocre, lazy, stupid” is impossible for most; this would mean the destruction of one’s subjective reality. It is much easier to belittle the dignity of another. To say that someone is smart, they only seem so. Spread a rumor about a talented person that he achieves success through dubious means. About an honest hint that he is on his mind. About someone growing professionally, they say that a “big hand” helps him. In the end, it is permissible to recognize the secondary advantages of a partner: “he has a good tongue,” “he is mediocre, but has penetrating power.” You can find some dubious argument in favor of someone who irritates the aggressor with his merits: “the road is open for fools”, “the mediocrity is allowed to grow - they do not bother anyone.”

7. revaluation of the object of concern" - a decrease in the significance, value of what (who) causes annoyance.

If the desired object is not available, then in order to reassure yourself, it is not superfluous to reduce its importance, find a flaw or criticize it. The young man tried to court the girl, but she turned him away. Man's dignity is wounded. The energy of emotions finds release in bad reviews addressed to the object of passion: “Just think, she’s a beauty – I didn’t really want to.” A person has never been abroad and says in consolation “what I didn’t see there.” Anyone who is not able to buy a car often gives a devaluing argument: “but you don’t have to bother with it.”

8. “Delicate rudeness” is a sophisticated insult to human dignity,

This is aggression, soft in form, but cruel in content, designed to humiliate an individual. It is demonstrated by specific people: they are in complete control of themselves and are able to think while in a state of psychological discomfort. Their intellect not only retains good performance, but is also whipped up by negative emotional energy. Such an ensemble of the rational and emotional gives rise to sarcasm, mockery, and cynicism. The aggressor coldly "butchers "his victim, aiming at the most sensitive places of his subjective reality.

A person whom nature has deprived of special talents will be told: “a gray mouse.” A loser in life will be told “you need to know your place.” A poor person will hear a moral on the topic: “serve you right.” Modest

a person will be criticized for being naive and simple. An honest girl finds out that she is a "bluestocking".

As you can see, there is no shortage of forms of aggressive defense. Let's add to them expressive means of aggression: offensive tone and interjections, spitting in the direction of the offender and kicking, an angry look and a face distorted with anger, waving fists and assertive body movements.

The conclusion suggests itself: aggression has taken root as a means of influencing partners in a variety of aspects and situations of interaction. The instinct of aggression literally permeates the behavior of contemporary people and has become a sociogenic strategy of psychological defense.

Along with aggression, the negative energy of emotions spreads, which is the background of everyday communication. | | |